The damages caused by Oneself dominating Others

Oneself indulgences

The fallout of these unresolved and recurring Oneself-Others feuds devastates the quality of our life and the lives of others whom we affect. When Oneself and Others are fighting each other or disregarding each other, no matter which side “wins,” the other side loses (in other words, you lose)...and often other people lose too, especially in the long run. When Oneself indulges, then a Oneself win is likely to occur short-term at the expense of long-term. In contrast, when Others dominates and Oneself loses, then others may be better off in the short term, but rarely in the long term.


It’s often difficult to determine whether it was the domination of Others or the indulgences of Oneself that causes some particular damage (although we always blame Oneself for the costs: “If only Oneself would do what Others knows is best, then everything would be fine”). Yet when Oneself consistently gets the upper hand in one or more areas of our lives, then we will notice several of the following, ordered roughly from extreme to mild.

Damages caused by Oneself indulgences

  • Murder

  • Assault

  • Arson

  • Theft

  • Fraud

  • Rape, sexual assault

  • Embezzlement

  • Kidnapping

  • Blackmail

  • Extortion

  • Piracy

  • Slavery

  • Corruption

  • Endangerment

  • Vandalism

  • Bullying

  • Child abuse

  • Littering, polluting

  • Blaming another

  • Arrogance

  • Lying to another to gain an unfair advantage

  • Breaking one’s word; not reliable with others

  • Insensitivity to another’s condition or feelings

  • Controlling another through threat of blame or anger or guilt

  • Refusing to try to find a win-win solution to a conflict

  • Dominating a conversation

  • Withdrawing from others

  • Breaking in line

  • Expecting others to accommodate your needs and wants

  • Dominating from a power position (as parent, teacher, or boss)

  • Not showing respect for others

  • Not showing respect to those in a lesser power position

  • Not showing respect for other people’s time or money

  • Not listening to or having interest in others

  • Not a team player

  • Defensive

  • Rebelling

  • Taking credit and not giving credit to others

  • Blaming others instead of assuming responsibility

  • Not asking for permission, when appropriate

  • Withholding information to get an advantage

  • Insisting on “being right”

  • Not making an effort to put oneself in another’s shoes

  • Blaming another for making a request

  • Blaming another for saying "no"

  • Seeing yourself as the victim of the other person

  • Jealousy

  • Envy

  • Insisting that others share your beliefs

  • Refusing to apologize

  • Punishing another, revenge

  • Unwillingness to be held accountable

  • Expecting others to change

  • Not being happy for another’s happiness

  • Taking a relationship for granted

  • Unwillingness to be flexible

  • Not taking pleasure in giving to another

  • No feeling of love or connection with others

  • We have a bad reputation with others

  • Others fight with us, withdraw from us, or avoid us

  • We don’t know how we occur for others

  • We feel alone any maybe even abandoned

  • Others are angry with us and blame us

Without partnership with Others

Our Oneself, of course, given how we see the world and others, is just trying to take care of what our Oneself sees and feels to be in our own interests and to be able to express himself or herself freely. However, with Oneself fighting and refusing to consider what Others may want and need, the results are, over time, that Oneself is progressively less able to take care of what Oneself wants for us.