top of page

Many of us think that a "good lifestyle" requires a lot of money, as expressed in the phrase, "The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous."


It might be better said, as "What the Rich and Famous can Buy that most of us Can't." It doesn't say anything about whether or not the "rich and famous" are enjoying their lifestyle and the process of their life.


In fact, many who are rich are not enjoying the process of their lives because they've never learned to prioritize that.


After you have enough to eat, the issue of having a good lifestyle depends very little on how much money you have. It depends, instead, on designing and implementing the everyday process of your life so that you're enjoying the journey and smelling the roses.

I've never read about any scientific studies about this bias. Nevertheless, I am confident scientists could easily confirm its existence.


I call it the Remember Bias. It is the mistaken belief that we will remember something that we just thought of at a later time when we will need to act on it.


To avoid being the victim of this bias, I have developed a habit to immediately write something down the moment I think about it...if I think there's even a 1% chance I might not remember it at the time that I will need to remember it (always having a pen and paper in my pocket, in case I'm out and about). I have developed the systems and habits to make sure that each recorded memory item will "confront me" at just at the time when its memory will be useful. is just one of the systems that supports me in this regard.

Here's another bias that hasn't been documented yet. It has some similarities to the Endowment Effect bias and the Loss Aversion bias. I call it the Attachment Bias.


We tend to become attached to and focused on keeping or gaining some particular object (or person) than we are of focusing on the essence of what we want and how there are many different forms in which those essences could be expressed or satisfied.


Examples: we become attached to the country we happen to live in rather than get clear about the qualities we would like to have in a country and choose our country based upon that.

We become attached to the person we're in love with instead of being clear about the essences of love that we're interested in and knowing that we have a lot of options (even though we may have decided to focus on one person for now).

We become attached to the job, or career, or the skills we have now rather than remaining aware of the essences we like to express in our job and knowing that we have many possibilities always before us.


Being clear about the essences that are important to us (like adventure, playfulness, and connection are important to me) and knowing that it is not helpful to be attached to any one form of our essences is a key to empowerment and freedom.

Do you choose courage to turn your mobile phone off?


"Oh, my God! What if someone needs me!? What if someone is upset if they can't reach me!? What if I miss an opportunity because I wasn't available?!"


Yes, it's possible that any of these could occur. But at what cost to the quality of your life?


I turn my mobile phone off whenever I go to sleep at night (I actually just put it in airplane mode). I turn it off whenever I take a nap. I turn it off whenever I am visiting with someone. I turn it off whenever an interruption would detract from whatever I am doing.


The rest of the world will do okay without me for that time.

After considering the short-term and long-term benefits, costs, and risks for me if I say "yes" to your expectation/request/demand/desire in this circumstance, I am clear that it in my selfish interest to say "no."


However, if I add in my unwillingness to accept and make friends with my fear that you (and others) may/will either blame me, and/or think I am a bad person, and/or be disappointed in me, and/or withdraw your approval/liking/love for me, then the costs of saying "no" are too high and therefore, to avoid feeling this fear, I will sacrifice part of my life for you.


This is the horror of self-sacrifice, which has been preached as a virtue by many.

Who you think you are is 99% machinery of default thoughts and beliefs…


When you say, "I think you should treat me better," it's your machinery that believed that thought and then automatically repeated in out loud.


You did not consciously craft that thought as an accurate reflection of reality and then decide consciously on the benefits, costs, and risks of speaking it out loud.


Your machinery co-opted your language by using the word "I" as if you currently had something to do with believing it or speaking it.


There is, thankfully, that 1% of you that has the possibility of not being that co-opted "I," that can think and act proactively with full responsibility. This proactive "I" has the power, through persistence and playfulness and compassion to modify some of the beliefs and thoughts of the machinery, thereby creating an updated co-opted "I" that will be more happy, both with itself and with others.

For millennia religious leaders, philosophers, and cultures of the world have lionized giving to others and working for the future.


They have given little, if any attention, to the importance of each one of us taking care of ourselves and making sure that we love the present. In fact, they have often villainized being selfish and seeking pleasure now.


Yes, giving to others and working for the future are important. But equally important (and sometimes more important) are taking care of ourselves and enjoying now.


We need a balance, a partnership, between all four of these intentions and needs.


I am an advocate for every one of us to take care of ourselves and to enjoy bring a much needed balance and respect among all four of these great intentions.

Is life perfect or imperfect?


It's perfect that not everything is yet perfect.


If everything were already perfect, the game of life (and life itself) would be over.


The quintessential nature of life is that it is a game. Every game has benefit and the possibility of winning, as well as cost and the risk of losing.


Inside the perfect game of life, we will win sometimes and lose sometimes. It's perfect that things are not always perfect. Let the good times roll.

When we believe that there must be someone to blame (either others or ourselves), we end up with a faulty set up options. Yes, it can feel good in a certain sense when there is "someone to blame," even if it is ourselves. But the long-term costs of blame and/or guilt (not seeing things clearly, damaging relationships, difficulties in coming to a better resolution, creating personal stress) are enormous.


Instead of indulging in fault finding, it's more powerful to think of contribution.


"How did my actions or lack of actions contribute to this unwanted circumstance?"

"How did their actions or lack of actions contribute to this unwanted circumstance?"


Overall, this approach will result in more benefit and possibility, with less cost and less risk.

How can each one of us be happy? This is the most important and fundamental problem of life. All other problems are an attempt to solve this problem.


This problem diverges into two other fundamental problems. How to be happy with ourselves (to be our own best friend)? And how to be happy in our relationships with others?

bottom of page