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Hands-on help

Heidi Yang

Heidi Yang, my personal and business assistant, as well as my friend and champion, has been (and continues to be) my irreplaceable partner in the development of my ideas, my coaching approaches, and the dissemination of my ideas. Not only has she provided me with deep listening and perspicacious feedback on my developing ideas about this site, she's provided valued input on design decisions (yes, we both know our site has that home-grown flavor), along with eagle-eyed editing.


Even more hands-on, she's responsible for creating and maintaining mobile-friendly access to this site. She's also my videographer. Almost all videos on this site were recorded and edited by Heidi.

She's working with me closely in designing and editing my forth coming book, "Quote-a-Coach: Ideas that make the difference, Quotes to open a thousand doors."

Daniel Patterson

Daniel Patterson, super wiz with HTML, created the code for two quizzes (see How much better could your life be? and What is your courage IQ?). He's also responsible for the 14:24 timer in the header bar. His email.

Trish Coffey

As co-author of "Courage: the Choice that Makes the Difference-Your Key to a Thousands Doors," Trish has been an ongoing collaborator (since 2001), especially regarding the issue of courage. For this site, she specifically composed the answers to the Courage IQ test. Trish being there as my support and champion has made me who I am today and what AskDwightHow is becoming. Her email.

Kaitlin Xian

Co-performer with me of "Please vote me the victim."

Sophie Zheng

Sophie created the design feel for the home page. Contact me if you would like an introduction. and the support staff at Wix

As a newbie, launching this site near the beginning of 2018, I was justifiably nervous about choosing a platform to develop AskDwightHow on. It's a bit like getting married, at least in this case, since it would be costly to change platforms as my site got more robust. All my concerns were unjustified. continues to surprise me with its ease of use and versatility (especially since I wanted to do most of the hands-on work myself). And, wow! Their support staff is quick-on-the-draw to respond promptly to my email queries about this or that.

Pixabay has been a high-quality source of photos, videos, sound effects, and music that add some lightness and entertainment to my enjoyment of building AskDwightHow as well as amusement, hopefully, for you the user.

Consulting help

Leslie Carruthers, a marketing sleuth, patiently helped me see past my own "curse of knowledge" cognitive bias with AskDwightHow.

Walk throughs: the following have done "walk throughs" and reviews with me on various portions of AskDwightHow, generously providing invaluable feedback.

  • Alex Patterson

  • Amy Zhu

  • Anne Wayman

  • Bud Hazelkorn

  • Frank Jorgensen

  • Heber LeBaron

  • Jeff Newman

  • Jim Burk

  • Karen Tonisson

  • Kat Udarro

  • Maya Meng

  • Paul Lancaster

  • Phil Blackmon

  • Sam Sonnie

AskDwightHow users: among others, the following helped make this site more valuable:

  • David Wheeler (Dr.)

  • Dominik Lee

  • Frank Jorgensen

  • Jim Lockhart

  • John Stob

  • Maria Hu

  • Michael Wang

  • Mike Akagi

  • Rich Smith

  • Rocky Jiang

People who shaped me

These people (all of whom I personally know or have known) have been significant in affecting my personal growth that today allows me to have both the inspiration and ability to create AskDwightHow.


Dorothy Alice Minkler (my mother). We don’t get to pick our parents. Destiny made a better choice for who would be my mother than I could have made myself.


Jackson Dwight Minkler (my father). Because, when growing up, I didn’t understand my father and I blamed him, our relationship provided me with the fertile ground to dig deeper into myself and to learn to love and appreciate him.

Karen Adele Tonisson (my sister). Just talking, sharing, and exchanging ideas together throughout the journey of our lives.


Ruth Wolfert (Gestalt counselor). She helped me to uncover the world below my conscious thoughts (working with her for a few years, starting when I was 26 years old).


Louise VanBuskirk (my first wife). We researched together the world of romantic relationships. She also supported me in changing my career in April of 1987 from a computer software consultant to a life and lifestyle couch.


Yuko Nagai (my second wife). She provided on-the-job training for me to learn how to create and maintain good relationship boundaries.


Trish Coffey (coauthor of my book on courage). Trish has been a valued friend and bouncing-ideas-around partner since the year 2000.

Apologies to hundreds of others who have made a direct difference in my life, but are not mentioned above.

Trainings that shaped me

If I have seen further than others,

it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
-Isaac Newton

  • Courses of Ayn Rand's Objectivist philosophy (given by the the Nathaniel Branden Institute)

  • Dr. Nathaniel Branden (Biocentric Psychology workshops and weekend intensives)

  • Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (Transcendental Meditation trainings and retreats)

  • Werner Erhard and Landmark Education (est training, The Forum, and others)

  • Dr. John Grinder and Richard Bandler (NLP)

  • Tony Robbins (Date with Destiny)

  • Fernando Flores (language distinctions)

  • Harry Palmer (The Avatar Course)

  • George Adair (Omega workshops)

  • Tantra Yoga retreats (Charles Muir)

  • Byron Katie (School for the Work)

Books that shaped me

The first books that made me were read to me by my mother

Usually, my mother would lie in the middle of the bed, propped up on her elbows, with my sister lying on one side and me on the other. She would read to us for up to an hour at a time. Here are some of the books/stories that I remember her reading.

  • Articles and condensed books from the Readers Digest

  • Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling, like How the Leopard got his Spots

  • Old Yellar by Fred Gipson

  • Little Men and Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

  • Black Beauty by Anna Sewell

  • Heidi by Johana Spyri

  • Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

  • Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves and other The Arabian Nights stories (anonymous)

  • One book/story really impressed me (can't find the title). In the story, the father becomes insane and needs an operation to cure him. The struggle of the poor family to make that happen (maybe I was so impressed because my father was bipolar, even though I didn't consciously know it yet)

  • How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie (the changed my life when I was 15 years old)

  • Summerhill School: A New View of Childhood by A. S. Neill  (I was quite influenced by ideas in this book)

  • The Virtue of Selfishness: a New Concept of Egoism by Ayn Rand and Nathaniel Branden

  • For the New Intellectual: The Philosophy of Ayn Rand by Ayn Rand 

  • Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal by Ayn Rand

  • The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

  • Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

  • When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith (this book helped me a lot in my late 20s)

  • The Hidden Dimension by Edward T. Hall (a book about culture)

  • My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday (these two books about women's sexual fantasies opened my eyes)

  • Forbidden Flowers by Nancy Friday

  • Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom by William Glasser M.D. 

  • Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial by Tony Robbins

  • The One-Minute Workout: Science Shows a Way to Get Fit That's Smarter, Faster, Shorter by Martin Gibala

  • Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All the Facts by Annie Duke

  • Core Transformation: Reaching the Wellspring Within by Connirae Andreas

  • Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life by Todd B. Kashdan

  • The Last Word on Power: Executive Re-Invention for Leaders Who Must Make the Impossible Happen by Tracy Goss

  • Emotional Intelligence for Stress-free Leadership: Turn Emotional Pain into Performance Gain with the TENOR Method by Charles Jones and Jim Knickerbocker

  • Forever Fat Loss: Escape the Low Calorie and Low Carb Diet Traps and Achieve Effortless and Permanent Fat Loss by Working with Your Biology Instead of Against It by Ari Whitten

  • Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress by Steven Pinker

  • The Ultimate Guide To Red Light Therapy: How to Use Red and Near-Infrared Light Therapy for Anti-Aging, Fat Loss, Muscle Gain, Performance, and Brain Optimization by Ari Whitten

  • Move a Little, Lose a Lot: New N.E.A.T. Science Reveals How to Be Thinner, Happier, and Smarter by James Levine Md

  • The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey by Ken Blanchard

  • The E Myth: Why Most Businesses Don't Work and What to Do About It by Michael E. Gerger

  • What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage: Lessons for People from Animals and Their Trainers by Amy Sutherland

  • What To Say When You Talk To Your Self by Shad Helmstetter

  • Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free by Wednesday Martin

  • The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

  • Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey

  • Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel by Timothy Ferriss

  • Way of the Wolf: Straight Line Selling: Master the Art of Persuasion, Influence, and Success by Jordan Belfort

  • Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade by Robert B. Cialdini

  • Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss

  • The Evolution of Everything: How New Ideas Emerge by Matt Ridley

  • The World Until Yesterday: What Can We Learn from Traditional Societies? by Jared Diamond

  • Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond 

  • Factfulness: Ten Reasons We're Wrong About the World--and Why Things Are Better Than You Think by Hans Rosling

  • Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

  • The Invisible Leader: Transform Your Life, Work, and Organization with the Power of Authentic Purpose by Zach Mercurio

  • The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier

  • The Code of the Extraordinary Mind: 10 Unconventional Laws to Redefine Your Life and Succeed on Your Own Terms by Vishen Lakhiani

  • Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel

  • Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl—A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship by Sherry Argov 

  • Super Immunity: The Essential Nutrition Guide for Boosting Your Body's Defenses to Live Longer, Stronger, and Disease Free by Joel Fuhrman

  • Fantastic Voyage: Live Long Enough to Live Forever by Ray Kurzweil

  • The Singularity Is Near: When Humans Transcend Biology by Ray Kurzweil 

  • Transcend: Nine Steps to Living Well Forever by Ray Kurzweil 

  • Future Shock by Alvin Toffler 

  • Engines of Creation: The Coming Era of Nanotechnology (Anchor Library of Science) by Eric Drexler

  • The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

  • Open Her: Activate 7 Masculine Powers to Arouse Your Woman's Love & Desire by Karen Brody

  • Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski

  • The Ten Minute Cognitive Workout: Manage Your Mood and Change Your Life in Ten Minutes a Day by Peggy Snyder

  • Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

  • Vitamin K2 And The Calcium Paradox: How a Little-Known Vitamin Could Save Your Life by Kate Rheaume-Bleue

  • Eat to Live: The Amazing Nutrient-Rich Program for Fast and Sustained Weight Loss by Joel Fuhrman

  • Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Todd Gilbert

  • Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang

  • Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers by Timothy Ferriss and Arnold Schwarzenegger

  • The Inevitable: Understanding the 12 Technological Forces That Will Shape Our Future by Kevin Kelly

  • MONEY Master the Game: 7 Simple Steps to Financial Freedom by Tony Robbins

  • The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less by Barry Schwartz

  • Who Would You Be Without Your Story?: Dialogues with Byron Katie by Byron Katie

  • Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie 

  • A Mind at Home with Itself: How Asking Four Questions Can Free Your Mind, Open Your Heart, and Turn Your World Around by Byron Katie 

  • The Rational Optimist: How Prosperity Evolves by Matt Ridley

  • The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature by Steven Pinker

  • Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress by Steven Pinker 

  • The Language Instinct: How The Mind Creates Language by Steven Pinker 

  • The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined by Steven Pinker 

  • The Stuff of Thought: Language as a Window into Human Nature by Steven Pinker 

  • Words and Rules: The Ingredients Of Language by Steven Pinker

  • Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error by Kathryn Schulz

  • The Art of Thinking Clearly by Rolf Dobelli 

  • Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions by Dan Ariely 

  • Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People by Mahzarin R. Banaji 

  • Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

  • The Black Swan: Second Edition: The Impact of the Highly Improbable (by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

  • The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell 

  • Abundance: The Future Is Better Than You Think by Peter H. Diamandis

  • How Not to Die: Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease by Michael Greger

  • Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns

  • The Direct Path: A User Guide by Greg Goode

  • Making It All Work: Winning at the Game of Work and the Business of Life by David Allen

  • A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted by Will Bowen

  • Emptiness Dancing by Adyashanti

  • True Meditation by Adyashanti

  • Integral Psychology: Consciousness, Spirit, Psychology, Therapy by Ken Wilber

  • No Boundary: Eastern and Western Approaches to Personal Growth by Ken Wilber

  • One Taste: Daily Reflections on Integral Spirituality by Ken Wilber

  • The Simple Feeling of Being: Embracing Your True Nature by Ken Wilber

  • Grace and Grit: A Love Story by Ken Wilber

  • Sex, Ecology, Spirituality: The Spirit of Evolution by Ken Wilber

  • The Marriage of Sense and Soul by Ken Wilber

  • Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware 

  • Final Exit: The Practicalities of Self-Deliverance and Assisted Suicide for the Dying by Derek Humphry

  • Guerrilla Marketing for Job Hunters 3.0: How to Stand Out from the Crowd and Tap Into the Hidden Job Market using Social Media and 999 other Tactics Today by Jay Conrad Levinson

  • Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

  • You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen

Notes (books to include)

Return of the Native (Thomas Hardy)

Whole Earth Catalog

Arthur Hailey novels

The Shadow Knows/Yukon King

The Phantom and Superman

Foundation for Economic Education

Prescription for Nutritional Healing


Worlds in Collision

Ayn Rand's books and objectivist newsletter

Playboy Philosophy

Male Sexuality and Female Sexuality

Race and Reason

Passionate Marriage

Black Like Me

Masters of Deceit

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty

Websites: Examine, NutritionFacts

Unlimited Power

Awaken the Giant Within

look at book shelf

Movies that shaped me

  • 3 Idiots with Aamir Khan , Kareena Kapoor , Boman Irani and R. Madhavan

  • 500 Days of Summer with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel

  • A Few Good Men with Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise

  • American Beauty with Kevin Spacey and Mena Suvari

  • As Good As It Gets with Jack Nicholson and Greg Kinnear

  • Babel with Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett

  • Being There with Peter Sellers and Shirley MacLaine

  • Bridges of Madison County with Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep (the only movie that makes me cry, almost every time I watch it)

  • Casablanca with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman

  • Chocolat with Juliette Binoche and Johnny Depp

  • Crimson Tide with Gene Hackman and Denzel Washington

  • Dangerous Beauty with Catherine McCormack and Rufus Sewell

  • Devil’s Advocate with Al Pacino and Keanu Reeves

  • Die Hard with Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman

  • Dinner with Andre with Andre Gregory and Wallace Shawn (the most “deep thinking” movie I ever saw)

  • Dirty Dancing with Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze

  • Disclosure with Michael Douglas and Demi Moore

  • Dr. No with Sean Connery

  • Fargo with Frances McDormand and William Macy

  • Flipped with Madeline Carrol and Callan McAuliffe

  • For Whom the Bells Toll with Gary Cooper and Ingrid Bergman

  • Forbidden Planet with Walter Pidgeon and Anne Francis

  • Forrest Gump with Tom Hanks and Sally Field

  • Fried Green Tomatoes with Mary Stuart Masterson and Kathy Bates

  • Ghost with Patrick Swayze and Whoopi Goldberg

  • Goldfinger with Sean Connery

  • Gone with the Wind Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable

  • Grease with John Travolty and Olivia Newton-John

  • Harold and Maude with Ruth Gordon and Bud Cort

  • Jerry MaGuire with Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger

  • Liar Liar with Jim Carrey and Audrey Reede

  • Life is Beautiful with Roberto Benigni

  • Little Children with Kate Winslet and Patrick Wilson

  • Little Miss Sunshine with Greg Kinnear and Abigail Breslin

  • Love, Actually with Hugh Grant and Liam Neeson

  • Meet Joe Black with Anthony Hopkins and Brad Pitt

  • Men in Black with Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith

  • Mrs. Doubtfire with Robin Williams and Lisa Jakub

  • My Best Friend’s Wedding with Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz

  • My Big Fat Greek Wedding with Nia Vardolas and John Corbett

  • Peacemaker with George Clooney and Nicole Kidman

  • Play It Again, Sam with Woody Allen and Diane Keaton

  • Pleasantville with Reese Witherspoon and Tobey Maguire

  • Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere

  • PK with Aamir Khan, Anushka Sharma, Sushant Singh Rajput, and Boman Irani

  • Primal Fear with Richard Gere and Edward Norton

  • Sabrina with Harrison Ford and Julia Ormond

  • Scent of a Woman with Al Pacino and Chris O’Donnell

  • Sense and Sensibilities with Kate Winslet and Emma Thompson

  • Singin’ in the Rain with Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds

  • Six Days Seven Nights with Harrison Ford and Anne Heche

  • Sleepless in Seattle with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan

  • Something’s Gotta Give with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton

  • Summer of 42 with Jennifer O’Neill and Gary Grimes

  • The Dead Poet Society with Robin Williams and Ethan Hawke

  • The General with Buster Keaton

  • The Gods Must be Crazy with N!xau Toma and Jamie Uys

  • The Gods Must Be Crazy II with N!xau , Lena Farugia and Hans Strydom

  • The Negotiator with Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey

  • The Parent Trap with Hayley Mills

  • The Prince of Tides with Nick Nolte and Barbara Streisand

  • The Rock with Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage

  • The Seven Year Itch with Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell

  • The Truman Show with Jim Carrey and Ed Harris

  • The Unbearable Lightness of Being with Daniel Day-Lewis and Juliette Binoche

  • The Wizard of Oz with Judy Garland

  • True Lies with Arnold Schwarenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis

  • Under Siege with Steven Seagal and Tommy Lee Jones

  • When Harry Met Sally with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan

  • White House Down with Channing Tatum and Joey King

Add TV series

Ally McBeal

Sex and the City

Desperate Housewives

Candid Camera

All in the Family

Three's company

24 Hours

Father Knows Best

Music that shapes me


Those were the days.

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