Which paradigm uses you?

Most of us are used by the fix it/heal it/need to/improve paradigm

  • "I need to fix the car."

  • "The house needs fixing up."

  • "I need to heal emotionally."

  • "You need to recover from the accident."

  • "Let's cure this cancer."

  • "I need a better relationship with my mother."

  • "I need to pay for what I did wrong."

  • "I need to apologize."

  • "We need God's forgiveness."

  • "I'm always trying to improve myself."

  • "This is not good enough."

  • "We must always progress."

Something's wrong

We're probably not aware of the paradigm that uses us and that other paradigms are possible.

If I asked you to let go of the ideas of "fixing," healing," "needing," and "improving," you'd protest,

  • "Why would I do anything if I didn't think this way?!"

  • "How would I ever decide what to do?!"

  • "Whatever way would there be to think about how to live life?'

I call this the "something's wrong" paradigm.

Just for fun

Let me introduce you to the "just for fun" paradigm (more technically, it's known as the generative paradigm).

It starts with the premise that you, everybody else, and everything else is already okay. You're okay just the way you are, were, and will be, as well as everyone else and everything else.

Looking from this position, standing in this open space, it then asks, "What are the game(s) you'd like to play to see if something might be different than the way it might/would turn out if you didn't play this game?"

How about the game of...

  • ...brushing your teeth regularly so that your mouth could feel fresher, your teeth whiter, and you would have less risk of needing a dentist?!

  • ...leaving the world a little bit better place than the way you found it?! (This was one of my mother's games.)

  • ...seeing if you could get that handsome man/beautiful woman to invite you to his or her place for tonight?!

  • ...designing and structuring your life so that all the other games you want to play either complement each other or, at least, don't fight with each other?!

Which paradigm do you prefer?

If you were designing your life ab initio, which paradigm would be you prefer to be used by?

Incidentally, you can easily use some of the distinctions of "fix," "heal," "need," and "improve" inside of the "just for fun" paradigm. With this new paradigm these ideas can serve you rather than dominate you.