Where is the solution to my problem?

Where is the solution to my problem?

Five ways to find a solution...

Search box.
- The search box is not AI smart. But if you can enter a key word, like guilt, procrastination, defensiveness, or laziness, then it can quickly find the rooms in this Guest House where you can learn how to solve your problem.
Problem menu
- Just inside the door to this room (that means at the top of this page), you'll find nine menu headings. The fourth one over is Problems. Enter this corridor and check out the different categories of problems and the doors to their solutions.
Big category solution
- Ask yourself if your problem might fit in one of the following five categories?
  - A fear issue: worry, pressure, overwhelm, guilt, stress, perfectionism, saying no, requests
  - A Now-Next issue: laziness, procrastination, making plans, sticking to the plans
  - A health issue: overweight, lack of energy, degenerative disease, not exercising
  - A Oneself-Others issue: defensiveness, loneliness, feeling not good enough, requests
  - A Man-Woman issue: betrayal, arguments, not getting what you want, staying in love
Ask me to add a new room to this Guest House that will solve your problem. You might want to review some of the topics and problem issues in the list of the growing list below. If you're ready to tell me your problem, go here to do that.
Tell me your problem and ask me to respond to you personally. Go here: include your email address.

I've got problems too. Can you help me with my problem?

I'll describe my problem to you after you look at these two images.

Help! What should I do next?

An Endless Buffet

I'm delighted I have plenty of light inside this "tunnel" because, at the rate I'm going (only about one new room added each day), I'm getting further away, not nearer, from any possible light at the end of the tunnel of having "The 14:24 Guest House" ever being completely built. I love it that way. More and more delicious topics to write about next by adding new rooms to this Guest House.

Each day I think of two or more new rooms (topics to write about) that I want to add on

Fortunately, unlike the guys depicted above by Aiko, I'm not sweating it. The larger the number of great possible rooms to build the better my chances of being able to choose the very best to add next...or at least the most interesting in the moment.

The newer topics that occur to me are continuously added at the top of the list ahead.

Could help me prioritize?

Glance through some of the list ahead (922 topics and growing). Do any of the topics pique your interest? If so, I'd love to hear about it. You can easily use the feedback form at the end of this room.

Another way you can help me improve this Guest House: Please be My Teacher

Topics to be developed, written, and added

Learning to waste
Is the end of force and violence possible?
Pseudo-dialoguing
How to get in other people's business
Not ready yet: a different version of the toxic "maybe"
Undoing resentment
How to be friends with your machinery
Joys of forgetting
Can we prioritize belong to humanity?
Collateral damage of rules
What is enough (including it's enough to always going for more)?
Undoing overwhelm
Undoing belonging
Are you just getting started in life
Short feedback loop (using physical demonstration): the importance
Are your happiest memories of time when you felt relief (like passing the big exam or finding out you didn't have cancer)?
Loving now AND feeling hungry for the futures
Where we have power that we don't think we have and where we don't have power that we think we do
Do you think you're entitled? (dependent, independent, interdependent): mutualism (trader)
Define more words (from bottom of Word Repair List)
Best (a toxic word)
Better (a toxic word)
Improve (a toxic word)
Creating gratitude by imagining take-aways
The buck stops here; the assessment stops here; you are the final arbiter (good news and bad news)
Conveniently forgetting what we know; inconveniently knowing things that aren't so
Reality doesn't give a fuck about your shoulds and should nots
All results of resisted fear
You are malnourished (fiber, micronutrients, phytochemicals)
The trolley problem applied to life
How to skip the small talk
"For the rest of my life" decision-making method
Where are the boundaries for me? How to know where to set your boundaries?
WHOLIP
Undoing toleration (things building up and being a good guy); also being self-sensitive
Willingness for others to be upset or upset with you
Fatebeliefs that could be valid
Everything is for me
How to say the unsayable
Parents suggest to kids how to be more effectively selfish by win-win
With kids: very careful with your "nos" and "nos mean no"
Benefits behind all behavior
Dependent, Independent, Interdependent, Self-sufficient, Entitled
Creating soul to soul
Respect: the most fundamental missing in our relationship with ourselves and with others
Route 28 (a new status-quo highway for your life?)
How could this be a gift
Avoid a problem because you may need to say you can't do it or you'll have to give up (in a box)
Doing the right thing is easy
Cashing in by checking out the money facts
Noticing the micro to macro expressions of the endemic HOGAB
Undoing boredom
What to attach your ego to?
Easy, fun persistence
If you want the staff at our Guest House to speak your language...
Positive and negative are just New Age residents of the HOGAB
Ten fundamental life principles (can you guess them?)
How to fall asleep: having an "Either-Or" intention
Five fundamentals that support whole foods vegan
Undoing racism
"You self-sacrificing son-of-a-bitch"
develop idea of rooms and mansion
Cashing in on the facts (having enough money)
Pigging out on the facts (eating well)
You are undernourished
New video in first time user (renovate)
How to find what you want
If you're a good guy, then you're bad
Certain decisions have "unless you have a good reason not" then you do this (as default)

Another 380 ideas

How often do you neglect the take advantage of your mistake (2nd part of fixing)
Two fundamentals of happiness
Looking good handcuffs
Not more important or either/or: it's which first
Undoing I'm not good enough
Cashing in on the realtime facts
list of all cooking stuff (chop board, micro, instant, airfryer, fridge, freezer)
Stop Believing
What is the 14:24 Guest House
Distinction coaching
Finding your career, job you love
Compelling mini-futures
You can't have everything
Art of of fresh starts
Are you willing to risk looking bad?
You are superstitious
ChatGPT
My cat can't do strategy; how about you?
The Truthing Diet
\when life gets tough, throw a tantrum
knee-jerk rejections (ChatGPT)
Semi-retired since 24
Most of having things get better is undoing (including with food)
If you're more than curious about the issue, then you are the issue
The Awareness (truth) diet
Truth/Awareness first; allow any choice
PP: Plan with Next: Now decides implement or not
change "I'm so scared" to "I have a feeling of being so scared..."
Not more important, just first
msg to Bao
Attachment to dogs and cats
Unless I have a good reason not to...
Backing out of deals
What would you do if there was nothing to prove, nothing to catch up on, nothing that you had to do
"Be aware and then be free"
Avoid developing new possibilities because then you'd have even more trouble to choose from the bigger buffet
Leisurely busy
Why have. you forgotten that you just pretending to be x old, but you sitll just a kid?
1-2 sleep meditation
Keeping up with the Jones... status anxiety
Does reality ever have to be bad news?
When we disagree on who said what?
Just watch me as I do it (work companion job)
Catalytic colleague
Partners each and all
The bogeyman story (just getting started in life)
Do train others to hijack your schedule?
The importance of permission (and no permission)
As long as morality is the handmaiden of judgmentalness
Your court/my court
We don't do overview and plan because NOW knows he/she won't be considered
The importance of having problems
A suffering around the world, bigger than any other that exists today, continues largely unbated because we're trying to uphold "high moral standards"
Re-calibrate, recalibrate, recalibrate
Rational/head/Next/Others vs emotional/heart/Now/Oneself
Without God's plans there would be no game
How to continue being friends with a man/woman who wants more
Stumbling into my great life
Mr./Ms. Memory is a liar
How did I turn out to be such a strange guy
Two types of pre-sleep
scheduling personal stuff
You're just a child pretending to be a adult
What I learned (and didn't learn) in school
What is wasting your life?
Do you believe in evil? Are you evil? Why does evil persist?
It's not about you (and take advantage of it)
Exist = Be
Words are the problem
How quickly can you assume that or find out why the plans that God revealed that was different than your own is better than your own would have been?
Are you willing to give others the benefit of the doubt?
bad questions
Who is Smokey?
envy: anti-gratitude
cross-cultural freedom effect (in-group judgmentalness)
The worst choice: choosing to not choose
Google translate and others
Do you scout your life daily or weekly
How to get surprised everyday
Learning to expect the unexpected
I declare choice
Could someone re-invent the news?
Why are we so unaware of the likelihood that others may not have the same meaning (or even we don't know the meaning)?
Superstitions won't usually kill you but...
Don't waste you illness (cash in on what every hypocondriac knows)
The DNA origins of our attachment to looking good
Do you see the tiger behind the rustling tall grass?
Are you just getting started in life?
Need bigger problems
Look people in the eye
They changed my life in five minutes
1. 8 years
2. Keep boy alive
3. No kids
4. Eclectic
5. Libertarian
6. How to Win Friends
7. One time people make quick change Bat commander, NLP 1979, Book Win friends, man finds book, Forum leader May, 1999
8. schedule book man
9. Dawn
Courage and Coverage
Problems for the fun of it
celebrating divorce
what is choice/free will
holding self to a higher standard?
Gratitude to the battalion commander
Paradox? Loving now and loving the future?
I do you know if you deserve: if you ask
Curiosity: a better antonym for arrogance
What is truth? When does it matter and when it doesn't matter?
Are you more interested in the truth or getting another to believe what you currently belief?
Living/scripting your life in the 3rd person (machinery of the mind) and script
Why are you so upset by lying?
What is rejection
The problem with the Utilitarianism and Consequentialists
Focus on ending the civil war first before trying to address getting external stuff different
Remembering what you already know at the right time (working against cognitive dissonance)
HOW to accept (and what?)
When do you question the data and when do you question the rules
Do negative people get you down?
Be here now vs start here now
The Purpose of Chairs
What is boredom trying to tell us?
Is you way of behaving with others expressed by "I don't know how to motivate your own 'self-interest' except by my threat for blame or promise of praise"
"Within the a background of the serenity of meaninglessness, we can enjoy and relish the various dramas of meaningfulness that ebb and flow."
Death as a goal
Are you frightened of them or are you frightened of them being frightened of you?
Are you majoring in minor things
“Can you help me understand how I might be wrong about something?”
Step by step in celebration (only happy when you get the big result?)
Giving to others by receiving graciously
Restart from where you are (changes every five seconds), like an airplane
Taking kindness too far (is it really kind)
Sensei ask Dig
Buffer: all the breakdowns that didn't occur that we don't even notice didn't occur
Force or the threat of force: against others and ourselves-the biggest issue
Sinner/Repentant dramatization
The slippery slope of being a good guy
Does your story keep disappointing you?
A relief from meaningfulness
A different type of respect
August 14th the afternoon breakthru
Being the watcher/listener for myself
Smokey's biggest conflict: curiosity running water and dislike of getting wet
micro-accomplishments (dents)
How much time and energy do you spend on trying to gather evidence against what you think to be true?
How I think better: the listeners
All the free stuff that never existed before
Just take care of today
Compelling futurettes
it's fundamental: how do you know what you think you know?
time budgeting vs money budgeting
Is it hard to follow your path
Notice what you are noticing
Fruit then maybe ice cream
Should: disambiguation
#1 priority we never think of
Where are the boundaries
The game of time
After the problem is fixed, ensure you fix the less obvious problem also
The special pleasures in knowing that your selfishness is feeding another person's selfishness
The special pleasures of cooperation/team 2 or more
Problems? What are they, really?!
positions vs values
10 second adventurist
Kindest people are often the angriest
"challenge" euphemism for fighting with reality
The "trade" that we make (not being blamed)
"I'm out of battery"
How the HOGAB blinds us
Will the bad guy please raise their hand?
Busy and boring are both problems
Ghosting yourself
Dependent, independent, interdependent
Savoring hunger, the key to a passionate aliveness (a life without hunger is a life without aliveness)
Set your life so you’re almost always likely to win
Measure twice, saw once (most of us often don’t even measure once)
Measure by direction and stepping, not by speed or how long
Validate everything (especially anything “negative”) for the specific and measured benefits and costs (especially anything positive) it brings for short-term, long-term, for yourself, for others and integrity will flow naturally from doing this.
People are shortchanging themselves when they only use others short-range
The Listener
Thankful for to another for helping us to see where we were mistaken
How to lose and maintain (.2)
Partnerships in separating
What distinguishes a ethical/moral decision from a non-ethical/moral decision
How have to chosen courage or taken other action to restart your life to be under-promised?
The road very less traveled
The fundamentals (check your premises)
Integrating acceptance and make it different
Are you a violent person? Blame and guilt
Leisurely busy (not leisurely, not busy)
Gratitude: compare to king
Is your Parent (Next) trustworthy to your Child (Now)
Always to start fresh, even hour by hour, is needed because of the sunk cost bias
If you really want to be selfish and take care of yourself, put yourself in their shoes cognitively
The problem of not having problem
1. Problematic to think that you shouldn’t have problems
Do you want to stimulate defensiveness?
1. Chip, I cannot find the scoop for the cat litter. Do you know where it might be?
Shades of the HOGAB (Karma, higher lower selves, etc, Ayn Rand)
CHOOSE courage
What do you do with a buffet
More energy
1. Seeing always from fresh
2. Compelling futures
3. Eating
4. Rest
5. Environment
6. Relationships
7. Exercise
You’re the only one (in two relentless facts)
The victims are the real villains
How you designed your life to be busy
What’s not enjoyable about not doing something things when you don’t do them
The habit of restarting from complete with the past fully past
“Distinctions” and “Interruptions”
Why you should move to Vietnam
Victim quiz
Where are the villains?
The easy diet (and maintenance)
Who are you in the game of victims and villains
Wisdom cf. intelligence
Are you a survivor?
Cultivating risk
The art of creating and maintaining (or dropping) threads
Designing your playground: the options
My God
Should not be risk/blame (enfolding)
Compelling futures do you have
EOI=compassionate
What’s in your location?
Boring
“How is it likely to land over there?”
Long-term selfish = short-term altruistic
“Need”
“I haven’t done anything”
“Use me”
Celebrating divorce
How to get along with others and still be yourself easily
Always adjusting for the new reality
What’s exciting about your future?
Compare to the wrong people (compare to Kings, Emperors, and Princesses)
“You let him do that, Mama”
New marriage vows
“Should as the most toxic and most exciting idea in the world”
Things go so much easier when you get your fundamentals right
Blame/Guilt as a resistance to what is
What is attachment?
Equality of suffering?
Don’t waste your creativity
Leisurely busy
New words for “put off” and “deadline” and “drop dead date”
Are you willing to go first?
The missing piece of fixing a problem
Keeping the links one ahead in the chain (like rock climber)
Do you think it makes you a better person when you feel guilty? Do you think if you choose to do something hard or that involves suffering it makes you a better person?
Urgent trumping the important: a vicious cycle
Now and Next: how they are different
Four most common reasons for lack of energy: lack of sleep, lack of good nutrition, resistance to fear and reality, lack of an exciting future
Always put the next link in the chain
Who I am
People pleasers test from book “The Power of Saying No”
Costs and benefits of no (or delayed) response
Survival is necessary for life, but it is not the purpose of life
The kind people will shock you
The hidden costs of your protection (and safety)
Making sure you use people and they use you
Sleep for NNI
How protective people can be insidiously dangerous to themselves and others
Fucking reality
What does “try” mean?
Big life mistakes?
The priority (air traffic controller)
Finding the obvious
Updates on meaning of happiness
Faker news
How effective is your information transmission to your future self?
Is your future scary?
Do you neglect strategy?
How often do you ignore the 1st requirement of tasks, activities, and goals?
Are you a monologist or a dialogist?
Are you good enough?
Safety at what cost and risk
Dealing with the probable and improbable
Just showing up
Beyond rebellion/pushing back and accepting/withdrawing
Work as your main play
Spoiling others (not respecting them or ourselves)
What we can learn about trust from Uber and Airbnb
They rain on everybody
The lynchpin
“Rule of law” with yourself
Why do you believe your lies to yourself so consistently?
Science doesn’t know about declarations
Transitioning from RF to PF
The breakdowns with “going for happiness”
Beyond Rebellion
Do you need to use verbal weapons? Against others? Against yourself? What are they? How often do you use them each day?
How to travel
1. Alone or together
BIG problem: collapsing how we see ourselves and how others see us (and generalizing)
TW: accuse
The ends are the means and when you reach the ends then they will become new means
Don’t forget all the things you do
The nearer-the-cliff problem
Biggest stumbling block in philosophy, science (before), religion, psychology, ethics not-well defined words.
It’s what you think about your past that’s messing with your future
I have stood on the shoulders of giants (my mother) and who she quoted
“I will never hurt you”
How I have been wrong
Why Now is reluctant to be agreement when Next leaves things vague, almost like writing a blank check.
Choice as a declaration
Things to do or could do and lovely options to have regardless of whether we ever act on them
Akai
Taking your eye off the ball with righteousness
Heuristics for dealing with the infinities of everyday life
About contribution for different sides
Choice as a toxic word
The trouble with words like hard, struggle, challenge, difficult, tolerate
Design for myopia
Starting always from where you are (in all domains)
Money management (exchange management)
Jeff Bezos vs Mother Teresa
Unmessable
Trustworthy?
1. intention/honesty
2. Ability now and then
3. Habit to followthrough (willingness at time)
4. Their consequence if they aren’t
5. Clarity of what is intended
6. Trust for what and in what context
Survival is handled
Fooled by randdomness looking non-random
Starting with where you at
The problem will free-will, blamability, and boundaries
Suggestion vs advice
Sharing with dignity
I’d like to adjust my language and thoughts to match yours (time, promise)
Respectfully consulting with yourselves
Do you don’t have to be perfect to be better
The Complete Truth Process
How we can agree on not communicating
Cooperating in not communicating
The problem with getting and giving attention
How do you want to use me? How do you want me to use you?
The power of giving up freedoms (and okay with it)
What’s primary: moving towards or away from?
Not alone in the world: (all) others have problems like me
How prioritising some things make them less likely to happen
I’m an expert and consider what I say with curiosity and skeptically
New question: in what ways to do like/admire or not the you of -5, -10, -15, etc
Do you know how their listening to you?
Are you in a rut
Commander in chief
15-15 allows instantly Now and Next to be happier. Why? Also Next can let go of perfectionism or “doing the right thing”
Review unfinished links
Sleep and rest #1 priority?
Dialogue distinction training
Dictionary
Did you take your medicine
Do you like fighting with God?
Does selfish = unselfish?
Fear is another expression of love
Focus on costs person or a focus on benefits person
Focus vs explore (example in market)
For customers of beggars
Four steps of courage
Is your commander-in-chief AWOL
Joys of living alone
Joys of problems
Knowing-doing gap
Looking for the gifts (house in Laureles)
Making requests
Microminders
Most important person to impress
Non disclosure in transaction (negative and positive) with self
Possessing another body’s life
Pretending and fatebeliefs (mother)
Relationships to money/things in different areas
Remembering what you already know
Resisted fear often hides out in the form of “not being interested in something”
Roger, copy that
Shoddy language
Special to yourself vs special to others
Start from where you are
Step freshly into your own life (like another person)
Take Hawking quote example “black meat on avocado”
The bus driver
The lie of “let’s stay in touch”
The lynchpin for everything
The meaning of “cannot”
The pleasure of power (give directions) power must be used to know we have it
The universe: by purpose or mechanism
Things don’t end well (and leave us with good stories) because we don’t quit early enough
Toward the connecting point of results and process
Undoing pride
Unpacking words (e.g. good)
We make rules to solve a problem; but then rules become the problem.
We need physical work
What does it mean to put yourself first?
What I do at the Square
What we should really fear
What’s next
What’s to defend
Would there be bad guys if he good guys didn’t indulge in bad behavior?

Another 116 ideas

Openly questioning me and bring skepticism to what I say or suggest
Whenever Next blames Now it's because Next has defaulted on his or her responsibility to set it up so that Now would be happy to do what Next wants
Watching your machinery: how to do it
Just listening: the best way to fix a woman's problems (even her problems with you)
How good people train others to treat them badly
When 87% perfect is better than perfect
An inescapable fact: you are the final decider and assessor of what is true or not and whether it matters
Disambiguating the word: "acceptance" and "accept," meaning either toleration or resignation compared to meaning "this is what is now and I'm not resisting the fact that it is this way now."
Disambiguating the words "suffering" and "pain."
Do you take after the Ostrich: the courage to look
It's not about you
Making requests
Why trying to find the meaning of life is fruitless
No waiting: getting from where you're at to where you want to be
If you need a holiday, your life needs to be re-designed (I like holidays, but I don't need them)
Fighting (or dancing) with reality
100% responsibility: how to test if you will or you did take 100% responsibility in your transactions with and relationships with others and yourself (no blame and no guilt)
“Are you majoring in minor things?”
"Benefits" of continuing with a mutually critical relationship
"I couldn't do that"
"It was hard" (do you treat this as a badge of honor?)
"No pain, no gain" Hogwash! "More pleasure, more treasure"
"Tell me something I don't know about you"
“That’s not love” when you don’t need another to feel good about yourself
A "yes" is empty without the "how"
A consistently implementable ethics cannot depend on the other’s ethical system…although with The New Ethics of Integrity, it will work better when it’s the same
A little discomfort will lead you to heaven
A needed update of the Serenity Prayer
A part of your machinery can often be nudged or coaxed into a change, but never pushed or forced
Accountability and celebration partner
Actionable: unless it's just for entertainment, don't pay attention to anything that is not actionable or potentially so
Advance planning and real-time adjustments
Adventure
All virtues are contextual
Allowing/scheduling Now time and choices
Almost all other toxic words are handmaidens to shoulds and should nots
Am I anti-religion?
Am I strong? Many people think I am strong. What they see is either an expression of my Now-Next Integrity or Oneself-Others Integrity or me accepting my powerlessly in a given circumstance
Amy's story
Anatomy of the process (not enjoyable)
Anger without righteousness
Anticipation
Apologizing
Are you a tribalist?
Are you being a responsible citizen by keeping up with the news?
Are you ensuring that you're always starting from zero or above in all the life games you're playing?
Are you playing with time or is time playing with you?
Art and science of not stimulating defensiveness in others
Ask for what you want, instead of for what you don't want
Asking Now if some discomfort will be okay
Assessing vs. judging
Attachment
Attachment to looking good (and not looking bad): the source of all suffering
Avoiding the toxic "maybe"
Awareness journaling: bringing your life to the daily process and journey
Be a taker to be a better giver
Becoming an adult (growing up)
Becoming the parent for yourself that you never had
Becoming unbetrayable
Being more selfish is better for others
Being patient with yourself
Being your own best friend and fan
Belonging: a double-edged sword
Benefits and costs of resistance: to get to Cleveland, know where you are now
Benefits of being a victim
Benefits of judgmentalness
Benefits of more risk
Benefits and costs, possibilities and risks, short-term and long-term, for you and for others: the criteria by which to measures choices and directions
Beware of the big dream
Beware of bottomless buckets: the games you can never win
Beyond belonging
Beyond "spirituality" - a critique of a poem
- Just Be
- When the Sun has scorched your Spirit
- And you've been left without your pride,
- Just be, just be.
- When the Moon has pulled your emotions
- Till you feel nothing left inside,
- Just be, just be.
- When life tests your fiber
- And leaves you lost without your Will,
- Just be, just be.
- When all your faith and effort,
- Reveals you've just been standing still,
- Just be, just be.
- Just be grateful for your time here
- And the lessons which you've sought,
- Understand that through joy and pain
- It is always LOVE you are being taught.
- Dr. David (5/16/97)
Big picture assessment of package-deal benefits and costs, possibilities, and risks
Blame and guilt: its big costs and short-term benefits
Blame and/or anger?
Blame or contribution: keeping them distinct
Boundaries: good boundaries with others
Bringing spontaneity to structure
Busy: leisurely busy, the only way to be
Can you be willing to not do what others expect and not be normal and still look good?
Can you make your own rules?
Celebrating failure
Change your mood and energy
Choosing A, B, or (the invisible) C
Choosing courage to take care of yourself with others
Clarity that there's a profit after the costs have been included
Clarity about the boundaries/agreements between Now and Next
Clarity about what Next wants; clarity about what Now wants
Communicating through time between Now and Next
Complete truth process
Computer games: bringing the thrill of the computer-game experience to the minute-by-minute tasks in your everyday life
Concurrency: keeping both Now and Next happy by stacking tasks
Conditions of satisfaction: must include Now being happy
Conflicting DNA ideas of fairness (equality vs. agreement for value given)
Confusing sacrifice with cost
Consciousness or matter: which is primary?
Consider It Done: a protocol to guarantee promises to yourself
Costs of persistence: reluctance to start
Courage to hear "no"
Creating a new habit: implementation intention
Creating and maintaining clarity about the overall costs and benefits of your relationship
Creating freedom (the paradox); choose your domination
Creating intimacy by step by step disclosure and meta-language
Creeping delay for Now demanded by Next
Curiosity
Curiosity about others
Curiosity, play, adventure (CAP)
Context of the buffet of life and prioritizing an enjoyable process is fundamental
Dancing with your subconscious
Dangers of psychological desensitization
Dating websites: the fun, easy, and effective way to use them
Decision criteria: "Don't do it unless you have a good reason to or Do it unless you have a good reason not to"
Declaring certain Now indulgences off the table
Designing your life: three levels
Did you let him or her do it?
Direction and progress make the difference, not big result yet; sometimes cannot tell progress, for example when you're exploring

Another 357 Ideas

Disambiguating the word "should"
Disappearing costs
Discomfort (and hunger): an underdeveloped pleasure
Discover your imposter
Dismantling a belief
Disrespecting reality: counting the ways that you do it
Dissatisfactions: the type you want to have
Distance creates beauty: hunger is the best sauce
Distrust your memory
Divorce: what it means and how to have a great one
Do it with music, dance, snacks, breaks...
Do you live in survival mode?
Do you need a babysitter?
Do you think you're wiser than my cat Smokie?
Does your mouth have a good gatekeeper?
Doing it with...
Doing nothing until Now and Next can agree
Doing the difficult first: game it
Don't be hoodwinked by stories of persistence and falling for the Resulting bias and the Cherry picking fallacy
Don't do me any favors (two reasons)
Driver of the bus: example of Amy's story
Drugs: how to evaluate them
Dufear: the dam metaphor
Easy is hard and hard is easy
Eating with your left hand
Education: what passes for education more often serves the purpose of killing off our natural joy and curiosity for learning
- "I do not much believe in education. Each man ought to be his own model, however frightful that may be." Albert Einstein
- “I have never let schooling interfere with my education.” Mark Twain
Electric fence, going around the end, gaps in the fence, is the power on?
Ends and means
Enfolding costs
Enjoy some discomfort, but not too much
Ensuring followthrough
Environment, environment, environment
Equality: it can be dangerous to your relationship
Ethics for everyday life: not for Sophie's Choice (ethics)
Everyone is your teacher, no one is your role model
Eye to eye
Fairness: it can be dangerous to your relationship
Fearing the dangerous (fear cf. danger)
Feeding creativity with a note system
Finding a different way(s) for Next to get what he or she wants
Finding out what you already know
Finding practicality in spirituality and spirituality in practicality
Finding your true life values
Five languages for expressing love
Fix her or change her
Focus on what you want with others, not on what you don't want
Forever love, a fabrication (before the fact)
Forgiving others quickly and easily
Forgiving yourself or others is realizing there is nothing to forgive
Freedom through unattachment (and you still care)
Freedom: what it is and how to have it
From the place of powerlessness, there is peace
From the Dwight's mouth
From the Werner's mouth
The function and dysfunction of comparisons
Future that you’re living into
Future-paced by consulting with Now
Gamify it
Getting by giving
Getting excited about doing the mundane
Getting Now to stop his or her activity
Getting over the Now hump
Getting things out of your head
Gifts: could everything be a gift? What about those gofts?
Giving by getting: how well do you let others contribute to you?
Glossary: undying
Golden handcuffs: monkey fist story
Good news: you'll never be caught up
Good news: your taste can change, step-by-step
Happiness is your natural state
Have you decided you have a good deal?
Have you given away much of your power just so you can live in the HOGAB with those around you?
Have you tested the limits of your "jail"?
Having day-to-day and long-term sustainability
Having great long-term relationships: keep them selfish and transactional; never set yourself up for regrets
Healthy eating? An easy rule of thumb: measuring your daily defecation volume
Hidden expressions of fear
Honoring yourself for choosing courage regardless of the result
Honor yourself to ask; honor them to say no
How do you know you're loved? (equal pain?)
How FFI is a type of NNI
How following the Golden Rule will make you unkind
How much do we pay for beauty
How much do we pay to have babysitters for ourselves
How much is your buffet already chosen each week?
How NNI provides the foundation for OOI
How reading and writing extends our listening and speaking through infinite space and time
How spiritual is AskDwightHow? More than you think...compare against these points from Purposefairy
- You recognize yourself in all beings.
- You live your life from a place of sincerity and humility.
- You love without expecting to be loved back.
- You are comfortable with not knowing.
- You trust life’s wisdom.
- You have no interest in being who people think you should be.
- Your wisdom is your own.
- You forgive easily.
- You give without expecting anything in return.
- Your heart is at peace even in the midst of adversity.
- You embrace all that comes your way with thankfulness.
- You purified your soul of attachments.
- You no longer look outside yourself for fulfillment.
- You see yourself as a spiritual being having a human experience.
- You delight yourself in quietness and solitude.
How the Now-Next issue creates ghosts, souls, afterlife (we don't apply it to animals)
How to avoid the rabbit holes when following your daily plans
How to change others
How to design and follow the map for your life
How to destroy the joy of learning
How to get around the elephant in the room
How to guarantee no regrets
How to have fun with all the rabbit holes in AskDwightHow
How to have a life of meaning
How to keep a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife
How to gently keep others from messing in your business
How to live a great life is fundamentally an engineering problem
How to make the important urgent
How to manage your unlimited buffet of creativity and life opportunities
How to say "no" so that the other person easily understands and accepts
How to share suffering, pain, and fear with dignity
How to speak non-blame (NVC)
How to stop ghosting others
How to train your kids to dislike themselves
How to trust others
Hunger: developing a taste for being hungry
I can relax and be happy when...
I was a righteousness monger
If you are your mind, how can you change it?
If you don't control your environment, your environment will mess with your Now-Next Integrity
If you show respect, there is no age gap, no parent-child gap, no teacher-student gap, and no boss-employee gap
If you can’t stand the risk/fear, get out of life
If you want to be living the life you love, you can't get everything you want
If you're looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, you're doing it wrong. Bring light into the tunnel so that if there is never any "light at the end of the tunnel" that you necessarily have to reach because you are winning and have already won in loving the journey
Impulsive vs indecisive
In our rush to be an adult do we have to give up the benefits of being a child
Include and beyond DNA
Interesting facts about China: three provinces for land vs people
Is reality affected by your shoulds?
Is righteousness needed to protect ourselves or others?
Is there an "I"?
Is this site selling a vitamin or a painkiller?
Is your past JUST an interesting movie, almost of someone else, that you have and can learn from?
It's never too late to re-design your life
Just as two people avoid talking about something they should, Now and Next or Oneself and Others avoid talking and instead tolerate or fight with each other
Just by noticing what is, without any other intention, you will change in a way you like
Just four: requests, promises, yes, and no
Just pay time now
Keeping the books balanced in real-time
Knowing you've got a great deal
Lack of caring is not the problem (too much caring)
Learning from the cat
Learning to enjoy the game/process of delayed gratification
Learn to see culture as something that you have instead of it having you
Leisurely busy
Let's get dirtier: how trying to be clean can be unhealthy
Letting go of "it means something about me" (issue of powerlessness)
Life design; the game of life: from the top down
Life inspirations
Lighten up
Listener: having a listener
Little, easy, simple habits that leverage your whole life
Living a tight action-thinking feedback loop
Living and choosing inside the paradox
Look at benefits first before considering costs or how to do it
Love is...
Lower your standards
Machinery as a good guy
Making good decisions: opportunity costs, avoiding one-way streets
Making time-based, instead of results-based, promises/plans
Managing expectations
Many things out in front of you
Map for info, map for action
Marriage: what it means and how to have a great one, even if for three years
Melding process and results into one
Mental illness: dealing with another's
Mental illness: dealing with your own
Mini-rewards and mini-celebrations
Mirror to soul: being your own best friend and fan
Mistakes, failing and losing: a new perspective
Mistakes: they are a necessary and fun part of life and learning...ensure that they are always your mistakes...even if you decide to follow someone else's suggestion, if it doesn't turn out, that's your mistake. Celebrate that.
Misunderstanding choice: we both badly overrate it and underrate it
Modafinil and other nootropics: their role in your life
Money Game: how to set it up and play it
Mood and environment may affect Now-Next alignment
More pleasures, more treasures: nix to "no pain, no gain"
Most completely selfish are the biggest givers
Most often it's effective and easy just to treat what is as a black box
Mother: "If he had only beaten me or had an affair, I would have left him"
Move away from or move towards
Myth-busting: 150 minutes exercise and weight loss vs food
NEAT (Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis)
Need scientist and engineer for life
Negotiating between Now and Next: partnership dialogues
Negotiating between Now and Next: the IF approach
Negotiating between Now and Next: the sitting approach
Next creating a clear and compelling goal/intention
Next is defaulting on his or her responsibility when asking Now to think about the future
Next's job: keeping roles clear
Next must enroll or get permission from Now
No age gap…if there is, we are looking down (or up to) others: big mistake
Non-judgmental means compassionate
Not being wasteful is often more wasteful of something more valuable than what you didn't waste
Nothing to prove or defend: it's the truth
Now can feel freedom from Next getting clear
Now in charge of How and Next in charge of for What
Now-Next partnership conversation
Now's job: keeping roles clear
Now's limit in being patient with doing what Next wants; it's best for Next to find ways for Now to enjoy the process
Nutrition, herbs, and supplements
Occurring for others cf occurring for yourself
Okay to be paid for work you love and you would pay others to let you do it (Roshana's story)?
One minute a day to support each of your reports to do their best in the job
One person cannot fight alone. Do you accommodate others by agreeing to fight with them?
Oneself and Others need each other
Only with permission
OOI and NNI: Whole Life Issues Profile
Open eyes in the world of risk
Our addiction to force, blame, and defense
Overgenalizations (even instilled deep within our machinery)
Paper-tiger fears
The paradox of trying to look good (and avoid looking bad)
The partnership attitude with life and others
Patience with others
Peace and powerlessness and empowerment and surrender
People mostly think I am a good man, but is it true?
Perfection as something you have to do and it's a slave driver; perfection as something you can play a game within a small area of your life and it's a delight
Perils of ticker watching
Personal questions: back and forth
Play the game always being able to return to Now which is always okay without the fears of Next
Playing with the "law of reciprocation"
Pleasure in power and the power in pleasure
Popular shoddy beliefs
Positive expectations are invisible as expectations until they bite
Power and kindness of equality and inequality
Power in knowing you are powerless
Power vs empower
Prevention: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure: the New Ethics of Integrity way
Principles are always contextual; some principles, the more useful, span more contexts and have less exceptions
Problems easily disappear as you learn to put enjoying the process and lifestyle first
Process for deepest values: stand for life
Procrastinating on happiness
Proving you are or are not something reinforces your conviction that you are
Prudence and joy of being appropriately wasteful (example with my reading glasses)
Prudent or stupid promises
Put your oxygen mask on first
Quintessential life inspirations are primary; life directions, goals, and destinies are secondary
Rapport
Recognizing and acting on that your #1 job is to take care of yourself
Religion: its uses and abuses
Remembering at the right time what you already know
Remembering enjoying the process as a priority
Removing Now distractions from the environment
Respect cf. love
Resulting
Rewarding yourself: a bad idea
Safety first: but at what cost and other risks?
Safety net: how much do you have and need in the domains of time, money, relationships, health, and happiness
Saint Peter
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil: wisdom or not?
Seeing the negative in the positive: everything is ultimately positive
Self-coaching with a listener
Setting and maintaining good boundaries with others
Short feedback loop
Showing respect to others can be risky
Showing respect to your children: the big missing in parent-child relationships
Silly and wacky: being light
Solitude: spending time with your best friend
Solve Now-Next to resolve Oneself-Others
Soul to soul (relationships)
Sowing the Seeds: 2020 - The Beginning of The One
Spiritual: what does it mean?
Spend money and time on health insurance instead of sickness insurance
Spontaneity and structure: both can win
Spontaneous ideas: the bonanza that Next is throwing away
Starting from where you are (always the perfect place to start from)
Step-by-step and showing respect to Now will work wonders for Next
Suffering comes from resistance to what is
Suicide: when and if and how to have a good one
Survival, safety, and abundance is handled more than any time in history, but people are not noticing
Survival is handled, let's enjoy thriving
Taking full responsibility without guilt
Tap into your mind
Task-logging by the minute with Excel
Thank God for really selfish people: the biggest contributors
The "popularity" of no response
The antidote to loneliness is not necessarily having people in your life; it's about taking off your mask
The benefits behind "bad" behavior
The dangers of learning and education
The end of problems
The illusion that naming is knowing: Kunming and holiday
There’s knowing and then there’s KNOWING
Three types of problems (only)
Throwing childlike out with the childish bathwater
Throwing the baby out with the messenger (being a vegan)
Time accounting
Time: do you always ensure you're on good terms and friends with time
Time out of the game
TLA or Together living apart (romantic)
Toxicity of the idea of catching up on things
Traveling: a break from having fun from your work
Tribal/national
Ultimate internal game (past, future, and other people)
Un-washing
Unconditional love, a fabrication
Under assuming
Under what rocks (words) is your resisted fear hiding? (for example, Hokey)
Understanding boundaries
Undoing "behind on things"
Undoing "not good enough," "not smart enough," "not lovable," "not beautiful enough," "not rich enough"
Undoing anger
Undoing arrogance
Undoing attachment
Undoing awkwardness
Undoing being a victim and/or blaming others
Undoing carelessness (fools rush in where angels fear to tread)
Undoing comparing (negatively to others)
Undoing complaints
Undoing confusion (clear future? risk decision? someone disapprove?)
Undoing defensiveness
Undoing distractions
Undoing grief
Undoing hope
Undoing identity
Undoing immaculateness
Undoing impatience (finding something interesting to do while you're waiting)
Undoing overwhelm
Undoing parenthood
Undoing pressure (expand on this one)
Undoing resentment
Undoing revenge
Undoing safety (he who hesitates is lost)
Undoing shoulds (quickly)
Undoing shyness (you're probably shy even if you think you're not)
Undoing stories
Undoing the age gap
Undoing "things that need to be done"
Undoing toleration
Undoing uncomfortable
Un-fighting (with reality)
Un-knowing
Un-promising
Un-resisting
Unilaterally vs. cooperation needed
Unwanted habits: get curious about the benefits (often short-term ones) that your "bad" habits provide for you
Up to something bigger than yourselves (yes, but...)
Using culture instead of it using you
Voice image: its power in relationships
Wear some new glasses
What are the facts?
What is true love?
What you resist persists
What will you sacrifice to belong? (belonging)
What women want from men; what men want from women
Whenever reality or your assessment of it changes "negatively," do you suffer for a while (maybe years) or do you bring yourself back immediately to a new starting point of zero or above, never being below zero?
Who has your machinery named as the bad guys in your world drama?
Who is your best friend?
Who's to blame? Who's at fault?
Who has influenced me the most?
Whom can I thank for that?
Whose business are you in? (is it actionable?)
Whose business is it?
Why, unlike many other teachers, am I so transparent with you?
Why are people unkind?
Why do you think you will win when you fight with reality?
Why did we start believing, "I'm not good enough"?
Why it's impossible to do without beliefs
Why the selfishness of others is your best friend
Why your selfishness is others' best friend
Will people do bad things if they don't believe that anything is bad or good?
Words and phrases which may stimulate defensiveness ("I don't understand")
Your destiny: "I am the one brought into this world to take care of the body, mind, and spirit that I have."
Your lynchpin for impeccable followthrough
Zero-based life design

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