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Where is the solution to my problem?

Five ways to find a solution...

  1. Search box.

    • The search box is not AI smart. But if you can enter a key word, like guilt, procrastination, defensiveness, or laziness, then it can quickly find the rooms in this Guest House where you can learn how to solve your problem.

  2. Problem menu​​

    • Just inside the door to this room (that means at the top of this page), you'll find nine menu headings. The fourth one over is Problems. Enter this corridor and check out the different categories of problems and the doors to their solutions.​

  3. Big category solution​

    • Ask yourself if your problem might fit in one of the following five categories?​

      • A fear issue: worry, pressure, overwhelm, guilt, stress, perfectionism, saying no, requests​

      • A Now-Next issue: laziness, procrastination, making plans, sticking to the plans

      • A health issue: overweight, lack of energy, degenerative disease, not exercising

      • A Oneself-Others issue: defensiveness, loneliness, feeling not good enough, requests

      • A Man-Woman issue: betrayal, arguments, not getting what you want, staying in love

  4. Ask me to add a new room to this Guest House that will solve your problem. You might want to review some of the topics and problem issues in the list of the growing list below. If you're ready to tell me your problem, go here to do that.

  5. Tell me your problem and ask me to respond to you personally. Go here: include your email address.

I've got problems too. Can you help me with my problem?

I'll describe my problem to you after you look at these two images.


Help! What should I do next?

An Endless Buffet

I'm delighted I have plenty of light inside this "tunnel" because, at the rate I'm going (only about one new room added each day), I'm getting further away, not nearer, from any possible light at the end of the tunnel of having "The 14:24 Guest House" ever being completely built. I love it that way. More and more delicious topics to write about next by adding new rooms to this Guest House.

Each day I think of two or more new rooms (topics to write about) that I want to add on

Fortunately, unlike the guys depicted above by Aiko, I'm not sweating it. The larger the number of great possible rooms to build the better my chances of being able to choose the very best to add next...or at least the most interesting in the moment.

The newer topics that occur to me are continuously added at the top of the list ahead.

Could help me prioritize?


Glance through some of the list ahead (922 topics and growing). Do any of the topics pique your interest? If so, I'd love to hear about it. You can easily use the feedback form at the end of this room.

Another way you can help me improve this Guest House: Please be My Teacher

Topics to be developed, written, and added

  1. Learning to waste

  2. Is the end of force and violence possible?

  3. Pseudo-dialoguing

  4. How to get in other people's business

  5. Not ready yet: a different version of the toxic "maybe"

  6. Undoing resentment

  7. How to be friends with your machinery

  8. Joys of forgetting

  9. Can we prioritize belong to humanity?

  10. Collateral damage of rules

  11. What is enough (including it's enough to always going for more)?

  12. Undoing overwhelm

  13. Undoing belonging

  14. Are you just getting started in life

  15. Short feedback loop (using physical demonstration): the importance

  16. Are your happiest memories of time when you felt relief (like passing the big exam or finding out you didn't have cancer)?

  17. Loving now AND feeling hungry for the futures

  18. Where we have power that we don't think we have and where we don't have power that we think we do

  19. Do you think you're entitled? (dependent, independent, interdependent): mutualism (trader)

  20. Define more words (from bottom of Word Repair List)

  21. Best (a toxic word)

  22. Better (a toxic word)

  23. Improve (a toxic word)

  24. Creating gratitude by imagining take-aways

  25. The buck stops here; the assessment stops here; you are the final arbiter (good news and bad news)

  26. Conveniently forgetting what we know; inconveniently knowing things that aren't so

  27. Reality doesn't give a fuck about your shoulds and should nots

  28. All results of resisted fear

  29. You are malnourished (fiber, micronutrients, phytochemicals)

  30. The trolley problem applied to life

  31. How to skip the small talk

  32. "For the rest of my life" decision-making method

  33. Where are the boundaries for me? How to know where to set your boundaries?

  34. WHOLIP

  35. Undoing toleration (things building up and being a good guy); also being self-sensitive

  36. Willingness for others to be upset or upset with you

  37. Fatebeliefs that could be valid

  38. Everything is for me

  39. How to say the unsayable

  40. Parents suggest to kids how to be more effectively selfish by win-win

  41. With kids: very careful with your "nos" and "nos mean no"

  42. Benefits behind all behavior

  43. Dependent, Independent, Interdependent, Self-sufficient, Entitled

  44. Creating soul to soul

  45. Respect: the most fundamental missing in our relationship with ourselves and with others

  46. Route 28 (a new status-quo highway for your life?)

  47. How could this be a gift

  48. Avoid a problem because you may need to say you can't do it or you'll have to give up (in a box)

  49. Doing the right thing is easy

  50. Cashing in by checking out the money facts

  51. Noticing the micro to macro expressions of the endemic HOGAB

  52. Undoing boredom

  53. What to attach your ego to?

  54. Easy, fun persistence

  55. If you want the staff at our Guest House to speak your language...

  56. Positive and negative are just New Age residents of the HOGAB

  57. Ten fundamental life principles (can you guess them?)

  58. How to fall asleep: having an "Either-Or" intention

  59. Five fundamentals that support whole foods vegan

  60. Undoing racism

  61. "You self-sacrificing son-of-a-bitch"

  62. develop idea of rooms and mansion

  63. Cashing in on the facts (having enough money)

  64. Pigging out on the facts (eating well)

  65. You are undernourished

  66. New video in first time user (renovate)

  67. How to find what you want

  68. If you're a good guy, then you're bad

  69. Certain decisions have "unless you have a good reason not" then you do this (as default)


Another 380 ideas

  1. How often do you neglect the take advantage of your mistake (2nd part of fixing)

  2. Two fundamentals of happiness

  3. Looking good handcuffs

  4. Not more important or either/or: it's which first

  5. Undoing I'm not good enough

  6. Cashing in on the realtime facts

  7. list of all cooking stuff (chop board, micro, instant, airfryer, fridge, freezer)

  8. Stop Believing

  9. What is the 14:24 Guest House

  10. Distinction coaching

  11. Finding your career, job you love

  12. Compelling mini-futures

  13. You can't have everything

  14. Art of of fresh starts

  15. Are you willing to risk looking bad?

  16. You are superstitious

  17. ChatGPT

  18. My cat can't do strategy; how about you?

  19. The Truthing Diet

  20. \when life gets tough, throw a tantrum

  21. knee-jerk rejections (ChatGPT)

  22. Semi-retired since 24

  23. Most of having things get better is undoing (including with food)

  24. If you're more than curious about the issue, then you are the issue

  25. The Awareness (truth) diet

  26. Truth/Awareness first; allow any choice

  27. PP: Plan with Next: Now decides implement or not

  28. change "I'm so scared" to "I have a feeling of being so scared..."

  29. Not more important, just first

  30. msg to Bao

  31. Attachment to dogs and cats

  32. Unless I have a good reason not to...

  33. Backing out of deals

  34. What would you do if there was nothing to prove, nothing to catch up on, nothing that you had to do

  35. "Be aware and then be free"

  36. Avoid developing new possibilities because then you'd have even more trouble to choose from the bigger buffet

  37. Leisurely busy

  38. Why have. you forgotten that you just pretending to be x old, but you sitll just a kid?

  39. 1-2 sleep meditation

  40. Keeping up with the Jones... status anxiety

  41. Does reality ever have to be bad news?

  42. When we disagree on who said what?

  43. Just watch me as I do it (work companion job)

  44. Catalytic colleague

  45. Partners each and all

  46. The bogeyman story (just getting started in life)

  47. Do train others to hijack your schedule?

  48. The importance of permission (and no permission)

  49. As long as morality is the handmaiden of judgmentalness

  50. Your court/my court

  51. We don't do overview and plan because NOW knows he/she won't be considered

  52. The importance of having problems

  53. A suffering around the world, bigger than any other that exists today, continues largely unbated because we're trying to uphold "high moral standards"

  54. Re-calibrate, recalibrate, recalibrate

  55. Rational/head/Next/Others vs emotional/heart/Now/Oneself

  56. Without God's plans there would be no game

  57. How to continue being friends with a man/woman who wants more

  58. Stumbling into my great life

  59. Mr./Ms. Memory is a liar

  60. How did I turn out to be such a strange guy

  61. Two types of pre-sleep

  62. scheduling personal stuff

  63. You're just a child pretending to be a adult

  64. What I learned (and didn't learn) in school

  65. What is wasting your life?

  66. Do you believe in evil? Are you evil? Why does evil persist?

  67. It's not about you (and take advantage of it)

  68. Exist = Be

  69. Words are the problem

  70. How quickly can you assume that or find out why the plans that God revealed that was different than your own is better than your own would have been?

  71. Are you willing to give others the benefit of the doubt?

  72. bad questions

  73. Who is Smokey?

  74. envy: anti-gratitude

  75. cross-cultural freedom effect (in-group judgmentalness)

  76. The worst choice: choosing to not choose

  77. Google translate and others

  78. Do you scout your life daily or weekly

  79. How to get surprised everyday

  80. Learning to expect the unexpected

  81. I declare choice

  82. Could someone re-invent the news?

  83. Why are we so unaware of the likelihood that others may not have the same meaning (or even we don't know the meaning)?

  84. Superstitions won't usually kill you but...

  85. Don't waste you illness (cash in on what every hypocondriac knows)

  86. The DNA origins of our attachment to looking good

  87. Do you see the tiger behind the rustling tall grass?

  88. Are you just getting started in life?

  89. Need bigger problems

  90. Look people in the eye

  91. They changed my life in five minutes

    1. 8 years

    2. Keep boy alive

    3. No kids

    4. Eclectic

    5. Libertarian

    6. How to Win Friends

    7. One time people make quick change Bat commander, NLP 1979, Book Win friends, man finds book, Forum leader May, 1999

    8. schedule book man

    9. Dawn

  92. Courage and Coverage

  93. Problems for the fun of it

  94. celebrating divorce

  95. what is choice/free will

  96. holding self to a higher standard?

  97. Gratitude to the battalion commander

  98. Paradox? Loving now and loving the future?

  99. I do you know if you deserve: if you ask

  100. Curiosity: a better antonym for arrogance

  101. What is truth? When does it matter and when it doesn't matter?

  102. Are you more interested in the truth or getting another to believe what you currently belief?

  103. Living/scripting your life in the 3rd person (machinery of the mind) and script

  104. Why are you so upset by lying?

  105. What is rejection

  106. The problem with the Utilitarianism and Consequentialists

  107. Focus on ending the civil war first before trying to address getting external stuff different

  108. Remembering what you already know at the right time (working against cognitive dissonance)

  109. HOW to accept (and what?)

  110. When do you question the data and when do you question the rules

  111. Do negative people get you down?

  112. Be here now vs start here now

  113. The Purpose of Chairs

  114. What is boredom trying to tell us?

  115. Is you way of behaving with others expressed by "I don't know how to motivate your own 'self-interest' except by my threat for blame or promise of praise"

  116. "Within the a background of the serenity of meaninglessness, we can enjoy and relish the various dramas of meaningfulness that ebb and flow."

  117. Death as a goal

  118. Are you frightened of them or are you frightened of them being frightened of you?

  119. Are you majoring in minor things

  120. “Can you help me understand how I might be wrong about something?”

  121. Step by step in celebration (only happy when you get the big result?)

  122. Giving to others by receiving graciously

  123. Restart from where you are (changes every five seconds), like an airplane

  124. Taking kindness too far (is it really kind)

  125. Sensei ask Dig

  126. Buffer: all the breakdowns that didn't occur that we don't even notice didn't occur

  127. Force or the threat of force: against others and ourselves-the biggest issue

  128. Sinner/Repentant dramatization

  129. The slippery slope of being a good guy

  130. Does your story keep disappointing you?

  131. A relief from meaningfulness

  132. A different type of respect

  133. August 14th the afternoon breakthru

  134. Being the watcher/listener for myself

  135. Smokey's biggest conflict: curiosity running water and dislike of getting wet

  136. micro-accomplishments (dents)

  137. How much time and energy do you spend on trying to gather evidence against what you think to be true?

  138. How I think better: the listeners

  139. All the free stuff that never existed before

  140. Just take care of today

  141. Compelling futurettes

  142. it's fundamental: how do you know what you think you know?

  143. time budgeting vs money budgeting

  144. Is it hard to follow your path

  145. Notice what you are noticing

  146. Fruit then maybe ice cream

  147. Should: disambiguation

  148. #1 priority we never think of

  149. Where are the boundaries

  150. The game of time

  151. After the problem is fixed, ensure you fix the less obvious problem also

  152. The special pleasures in knowing that your selfishness is feeding another person's selfishness

  153. The special pleasures of cooperation/team 2 or more

  154. Problems? What are they, really?!

  155. positions vs values

  156. 10 second adventurist

  157. Kindest people are often the angriest

  158. "challenge" euphemism for fighting with reality

  159. The "trade" that we make (not being blamed)

  160. "I'm out of battery"

  161. How the HOGAB blinds us

  162. Will the bad guy please raise their hand?

  163. Busy and boring are both problems

  164. Ghosting yourself

  165. Dependent, independent, interdependent

  166. Savoring hunger, the key to a passionate aliveness (a life without hunger is a life without aliveness)

  167. Set your life so you’re almost always likely to win

  168. Measure twice, saw once (most of us often don’t even measure once)

  169. Measure by direction and stepping, not by speed or how long

  170. Validate everything (especially anything “negative”) for the specific and measured benefits and costs (especially anything positive) it brings for short-term, long-term, for yourself, for others and integrity will flow naturally from doing this.

  171. People are shortchanging themselves when they only use others short-range

  172. The Listener

  173. Thankful for to another for helping us to see where we were mistaken

  174. How to lose and maintain (.2)

  175. Partnerships in separating

  176. What distinguishes a ethical/moral decision from a non-ethical/moral decision

  177. How have to chosen courage or taken other action to restart your life to be under-promised?

  178. The road very less traveled

  179. The fundamentals (check your premises)

  180. Integrating acceptance and make it different

  181. Are you a violent person? Blame and guilt

  182. Leisurely busy (not leisurely, not busy)

  183. Gratitude: compare to king

  184. Is your Parent (Next) trustworthy to your Child (Now)

  185. Always to start fresh, even hour by hour, is needed because of the sunk cost bias

  186. If you really want to be selfish and take care of yourself, put yourself in their shoes cognitively

  187. The problem of not having problem

    1. Problematic to think that you shouldn’t have problems

  188. Do you want to stimulate defensiveness?

    1. Chip, I cannot find the scoop for the cat litter. Do you know where it might be?

  189. Shades of the HOGAB (Karma, higher lower selves, etc, Ayn Rand)

  190. CHOOSE courage

  191. What do you do with a buffet

  192. More energy

    1. Seeing always from fresh

    2. Compelling futures

    3. Eating

    4. Rest

    5. Environment

    6. Relationships

    7. Exercise

  193. You’re the only one (in two relentless facts)

  194. The victims are the real villains

  195. How you designed your life to be busy

  196. What’s not enjoyable about not doing something things when you don’t do them

  197. The habit of restarting from complete with the past fully past

  198. “Distinctions” and “Interruptions”

  199. Why you should move to Vietnam

  200. Victim quiz

  201. Where are the villains?

  202. The easy diet (and maintenance)

  203. Who are you in the game of victims and villains

  204. Wisdom cf. intelligence

  205. Are you a survivor?

  206. Cultivating risk

  207. The art of creating and maintaining (or dropping) threads

  208. Designing your playground: the options

  209. My God

  210. Should not be risk/blame (enfolding)

  211. Compelling futures do you have

  212. EOI=compassionate

  213. What’s in your location?

  214. Boring

  215. “How is it likely to land over there?”

  216. Long-term selfish = short-term altruistic

  217. “Need”

  218. “I haven’t done anything”

  219. “Use me”

  220. Celebrating divorce

  221. How to get along with others and still be yourself easily

  222. Always adjusting for the new reality

  223. What’s exciting about your future?

  224. Compare to the wrong people (compare to Kings, Emperors, and Princesses)

  225. “You let him do that, Mama”

  226. New marriage vows

  227. “Should as the most toxic and most exciting idea in the world”

  228. Things go so much easier when you get  your fundamentals right

  229. Blame/Guilt as a resistance to what is

  230. What is attachment?

  231. Equality of suffering?

  232. Don’t waste your creativity

  233. Leisurely busy

  234. New words for “put off” and “deadline” and “drop dead date”

  235. Are you willing to go first?

  236. The missing piece of fixing a problem

  237. Keeping the links one ahead in the chain (like rock climber)

  238. Do you think it makes you a better person when you feel guilty? Do you think if you choose to do something hard or that involves suffering it makes you a better person?

  239. Urgent trumping the important: a vicious cycle

  240. Now and Next: how they are different

  241. Four most common reasons for lack of energy: lack of sleep, lack of good nutrition, resistance to fear and reality, lack of an exciting future

  242. Always put the next link in the chain

  243. Who I am

  244. People pleasers test from book “The Power of Saying No”

  245. Costs and benefits of no (or delayed) response

  246. Survival is necessary for life, but it is not the purpose of life

  247. The kind people will shock you

  248. The hidden costs of your protection (and safety)

  249. Making sure you use people and they use you

  250. Sleep for NNI

  251. How protective people can be insidiously dangerous to themselves and others

  252. Fucking reality

  253. What does “try” mean?

  254. Big life mistakes?

  255. The priority (air traffic controller)

  256. Finding the obvious

  257. Updates on meaning of happiness

  258. Faker news

  259. How effective is your information transmission to your future self?

  260. Is your future scary?

  261. Do you neglect strategy?

  262. How often do you ignore the 1st requirement of tasks, activities, and goals?

  263. Are you a monologist or a dialogist?

  264. Are you good enough?

  265. Safety at what cost and risk

  266. Dealing with the probable and improbable

  267. Just showing up

  268. Beyond rebellion/pushing back and accepting/withdrawing

  269. Work as your main play

  270. Spoiling others (not respecting them or ourselves)

  271. What we can learn about trust from Uber and Airbnb

  272. They rain on everybody

  273. The lynchpin

  274. “Rule of law” with yourself

  275. Why do you believe your lies to yourself so consistently?

  276. Science doesn’t know about declarations

  277. Transitioning from RF to PF

  278. The breakdowns with “going for happiness”

  279. Beyond Rebellion

  280. Do you need to use verbal weapons? Against others? Against yourself? What are they? How often do you use them each day?

  281. How to travel

    1. Alone or together

  282. BIG problem: collapsing how we see ourselves and how others see us (and generalizing)

  283. TW: accuse

  284. The ends are the means and when you reach the ends then they will become new means

  285. Don’t forget all the things you do

  286. The nearer-the-cliff problem

  287. Biggest stumbling block in philosophy, science (before), religion, psychology, ethics not-well defined words.

  288. It’s what you think about your past that’s messing with your future

  289. I have stood on the shoulders of giants (my mother) and who she quoted

  290. “I will never hurt you”

  291. How I have been wrong

  292. Why Now is reluctant to be agreement when Next leaves things vague, almost like writing a blank check.

  293. Choice as a declaration

  294. Things to do or could do and lovely options to have regardless of whether we ever act on them

  295. Akai

  296. Taking your eye off the ball with righteousness

  297. Heuristics for dealing with the infinities of everyday life

  298. About contribution for different sides

  299. Choice as a toxic word

  300. The trouble with words like hard, struggle, challenge, difficult, tolerate

  301. Design for myopia

  302. Starting always from where you are (in all domains)

  303. Money management (exchange management)

  304. Jeff Bezos vs Mother Teresa

  305. Unmessable

  306. Trustworthy?

    1. intention/honesty

    2. Ability now and then

    3. Habit to followthrough (willingness at time)

    4. Their consequence if they aren’t

    5. Clarity of what is intended

    6. Trust for what and in what context

  307. Survival is handled

  308. Fooled by randdomness looking non-random

  309. Starting with where you at

  310. The problem will free-will, blamability, and boundaries

  311. Suggestion vs advice

  312. Sharing with dignity

  313. I’d like to adjust my language and thoughts to match yours (time, promise)

  314. Respectfully consulting with yourselves

  315. Do you don’t have to be perfect to be better

  316. The Complete Truth Process

  317. How we can agree on not communicating

  318. Cooperating in not communicating

  319. The problem with getting and giving attention

  320. How do you want to use me? How do you want me to use you?

  321. The power of giving up freedoms (and okay with it)

  322. What’s primary: moving towards or away from?

  323. Not alone in the world: (all) others have problems like me

  324. How prioritising some things make them less likely to happen

  325. I’m an expert and consider what I say with curiosity and skeptically

  326. New question: in what ways to do like/admire or not the you of -5, -10, -15, etc

  327. Do you know how their listening to you?

  328. Are you in a rut

  329. Commander in chief

  330. 15-15 allows instantly Now and Next to be happier. Why? Also Next can let go of perfectionism or “doing the right thing”

  331. Review unfinished links

  332. Sleep and rest #1 priority?

  333. Dialogue distinction training

  334. Dictionary

  335. Did you take your medicine

  336. Do you like fighting with God?

  337. Does selfish = unselfish?

  338. Fear is another expression of love

  339. Focus on costs person or a focus on benefits person

  340. Focus vs explore (example in market)

  341. For customers of beggars

  342. Four steps of courage

  343. Is your commander-in-chief AWOL

  344. Joys of living alone

  345. Joys of problems

  346. Knowing-doing gap

  347. Looking for the gifts (house in Laureles)

  348. Making requests

  349. Microminders

  350. Most important person to impress

  351. Non disclosure in transaction (negative and positive) with self

  352. Possessing another body’s life

  353. Pretending and fatebeliefs (mother)

  354. Relationships to money/things in different areas

  355. Remembering what you already know

  356. Resisted fear often hides out in the form of “not being interested in something”

  357. Roger, copy that

  358. Shoddy language

  359. Special to yourself vs special to others

  360. Start from where you are

  361. Step freshly into your own life (like another person)

  362. Take Hawking quote example “black meat on avocado”

  363. The bus driver

  364. The lie of “let’s stay in touch”

  365. The lynchpin for everything

  366. The meaning of “cannot”

  367. The pleasure of power (give directions) power must be used to know we have it

  368. The universe: by purpose or mechanism

  369. Things don’t end well (and leave us with good stories) because we don’t quit early enough

  370. Toward the connecting point of results and process

  371. Undoing pride

  372. Unpacking words (e.g. good)

  373. We make rules to solve a problem; but then rules become the problem.

  374. We need physical work

  375. What does it mean to put yourself first?

  376. What I do at the Square

  377. What we should really fear

  378. What’s next

  379. What’s to defend

  380. Would there be bad guys if he good guys didn’t indulge in bad behavior?

Another 116 ideas

  1. Openly questioning me and bring skepticism to what I say or suggest

  2. Whenever Next blames Now it's because Next has defaulted on his or her responsibility to set it up so that Now would be happy to do what Next wants

  3. Watching your machinery: how to do it

  4. Just listening: the best way to fix a woman's problems (even her problems with you)

  5. How good people train others to treat them badly

  6. When 87% perfect is better than perfect

  7. An inescapable fact: you are the final decider and assessor of what is true or not and whether it matters

  8. Disambiguating the word: "acceptance" and "accept," meaning either toleration or resignation compared to meaning "this is what is now and I'm not resisting the fact that it is this way now."

  9. Disambiguating the words "suffering" and "pain."

  10. Do you take after the Ostrich: the courage to look

  11. It's not about you

  12. Making requests

  13. Why trying to find the meaning of life is fruitless

  14. No waiting: getting from where you're at to where you want to be

  15. If you need a holiday, your life needs to be re-designed (I like holidays, but I don't need them)

  16. Fighting (or dancing) with reality 

  17. 100% responsibility: how to test if you will or you did take 100% responsibility in your transactions with and relationships with others and yourself (no blame and no guilt)

  18. “Are you majoring in minor things?”

  19. "Benefits" of continuing with a mutually critical relationship

  20. "I couldn't do that"

  21. "It was hard" (do you treat this as a badge of honor?)

  22. "No pain, no gain" Hogwash! "More pleasure, more treasure"

  23. "Tell me something I don't know about you"

  24. “That’s not love” when you don’t need another to feel good about yourself

  25. A "yes" is empty without the "how"

  26. A consistently implementable ethics cannot depend on the other’s ethical system…although with The New Ethics of Integrity, it will work better when it’s the same

  27. A little discomfort will lead you to heaven

  28. A needed update of the Serenity Prayer

  29. A part of your machinery can often be nudged or coaxed into a change, but never pushed or forced

  30. Accountability and celebration partner

  31. Actionable: unless it's just for entertainment, don't pay attention to anything that is not actionable or potentially so

  32. Advance planning and real-time adjustments

  33. Adventure

  34. All virtues are contextual

  35. Allowing/scheduling Now time and choices

  36. Almost all other toxic words are handmaidens to shoulds and should nots

  37. Am I anti-religion?

  38. Am I strong? Many people think I am strong. What they see is either an expression of my Now-Next Integrity or Oneself-Others Integrity or me accepting my powerlessly in a given circumstance

  39. Amy's story

  40. Anatomy of the process (not enjoyable)

  41. Anger without righteousness

  42. Anticipation

  43. Apologizing

  44. Are you a tribalist?

  45. Are you being a responsible citizen by keeping up with the news?

  46. Are you ensuring that you're always starting from zero or above in all the life games you're playing?

  47. Are you playing with time or is time playing with you?

  48. Art and science of not stimulating defensiveness in others

  49. Ask for what you want, instead of for what you don't want

  50. Asking Now if some discomfort will be okay

  51. Assessing vs. judging

  52. Attachment

  53. Attachment to looking good (and not looking bad): the source of all suffering

  54. Avoiding the toxic "maybe"

  55. Awareness journaling: bringing your life to the daily process and journey

  56. Be a taker to be a better giver

  57. Becoming an adult (growing up)

  58. Becoming the parent for yourself that you never had 

  59. Becoming unbetrayable

  60. Being more selfish is better for others 

  61. Being patient with yourself

  62. Being your own best friend and fan

  63. Belonging: a double-edged sword 

  64. Benefits and costs of resistance: to get to Cleveland, know where you are now

  65. Benefits of being a victim 

  66. Benefits of judgmentalness

  67. Benefits of more risk

  68. Benefits and costs, possibilities and risks, short-term and long-term, for you and for others: the criteria by which to measures choices and directions

  69. Beware of the big dream

  70. Beware of bottomless buckets: the games you can never win

  71. Beyond belonging

  72. Beyond "spirituality" - a critique of a poem

    • Just Be​

    • When the Sun has scorched your Spirit

    • And you've been left without your pride,

    • Just be, just be.

    • When the Moon has pulled your emotions

    • Till you feel nothing left inside,

    • Just be, just be.

    • When life tests your fiber

    • And leaves you lost without your Will,

    • Just be, just be.

    • When all your faith and effort,

    • Reveals you've just been standing still,

    • Just be, just be.

    • Just be grateful for your time here

    • And the lessons which you've sought,

    • Understand that through joy and pain

    • It is always LOVE you are being taught.

    • Dr. David (5/16/97)

  73. Big picture assessment of package-deal benefits and costs, possibilities, and risks

  74. Blame and guilt: its big costs and short-term benefits 

  75. Blame and/or anger? 

  76. Blame or contribution: keeping them distinct 

  77. Boundaries: good boundaries with others

  78. Bringing spontaneity to structure

  79. Busy: leisurely busy, the only way to be

  80. Can you be willing to not do what others expect and not be normal and still look good?

  81. Can you make your own rules?

  82. Celebrating failure

  83. Change your mood and energy

  84. Choosing A, B, or (the invisible) C

  85. Choosing courage to take care of yourself with others

  86. Clarity that there's a profit after the costs have been included

  87. Clarity about the boundaries/agreements between Now and Next

  88. Clarity about what Next wants; clarity about what Now wants

  89. Communicating through time between Now and Next

  90. Complete truth process

  91. Computer games: bringing the thrill of the computer-game experience to the minute-by-minute tasks in your everyday life

  92. Concurrency: keeping both Now and Next happy by stacking tasks

  93. Conditions of satisfaction: must include Now being happy

  94. Conflicting DNA ideas of fairness (equality vs. agreement for value given)

  95. Confusing sacrifice with cost

  96. Consciousness or matter: which is primary?

  97. Consider It Done: a protocol to guarantee promises to yourself

  98. Costs of persistence: reluctance to start

  99. Courage to hear "no"

  100. Creating a new habit: implementation intention

  101. Creating and maintaining clarity about the overall costs and benefits of your relationship

  102. Creating freedom (the paradox); choose your domination

  103. Creating intimacy by step by step disclosure and meta-language

  104. Creeping delay for Now demanded by Next

  105. Curiosity

  106. Curiosity about others

  107. Curiosity, play, adventure (CAP)

  108. Context of the buffet of life and prioritizing an enjoyable process is fundamental

  109. Dancing with your subconscious

  110. Dangers of psychological desensitization

  111. Dating websites: the fun, easy, and effective way to use them

  112. Decision criteria: "Don't do it unless you have a good reason to or Do it unless you have a good reason not to"

  113. Declaring certain Now indulgences off the table

  114. Designing your life: three levels

  115. Did you let him or her do it?

  116. Direction and progress make the difference, not big result yet; sometimes cannot tell progress, for example when you're exploring

Another 357 Ideas

  1. Disambiguating the word "should"

  2. Disappearing costs

  3. Discomfort (and hunger): an underdeveloped pleasure

  4. Discover your imposter

  5. Dismantling a belief

  6. Disrespecting reality: counting the ways that you do it

  7. Dissatisfactions: the type you want to have

  8. Distance creates beauty: hunger is the best sauce

  9. Distrust your memory

  10. Divorce: what it means and how to have a great one

  11. Do it with music, dance, snacks, breaks...

  12. Do you live in survival mode?

  13. Do you need a babysitter? 

  14. Do you think you're wiser than my cat Smokie?

  15. Does your mouth have a good gatekeeper?

  16. Doing it with...

  17. Doing nothing until Now and Next can agree

  18. Doing the difficult first: game it

  19. Don't be hoodwinked by stories of persistence and falling for the Resulting bias and the Cherry picking fallacy

  20. Don't do me any favors (two reasons)

  21. Driver of the bus: example of Amy's story

  22. Drugs: how to evaluate them

  23. Dufear: the dam metaphor

  24. Easy is hard and hard is easy

  25. Eating with your left hand

  26. Education: what passes for education more often serves the purpose of killing off our natural joy and curiosity for learning

    • "​I do not much believe in education. Each man ought to be his own model, however frightful that may be." Albert Einstein

    • “I have never let schooling interfere with my education.” Mark Twain

  27. Electric fence, going around the end, gaps in the fence, is the power on?

  28. Ends and means

  29. Enfolding costs

  30. Enjoy some discomfort, but not too much

  31. Ensuring followthrough

  32. Environment, environment, environment

  33. Equality: it can be dangerous to your relationship

  34. Ethics for everyday life: not for Sophie's Choice (ethics)

  35. Everyone is your teacher, no one is your role model

  36. Eye to eye

  37. Fairness: it can be dangerous to your relationship

  38. Fearing the dangerous (fear cf. danger)

  39. Feeding creativity with a note system

  40. Finding a different way(s) for Next to get what he or she wants

  41. Finding out what you already know

  42. Finding practicality in spirituality and spirituality in practicality

  43. Finding your true life values

  44. Five languages for expressing love

  45. Fix her or change her

  46. Focus on what you want with others, not on what you don't want

  47. Forever love, a fabrication (before the fact)

  48. Forgiving others quickly and easily 

  49. Forgiving yourself or others is realizing there is nothing to forgive

  50. Freedom through unattachment (and you still care)

  51. Freedom: what it is and how to have it

  52. From the place of powerlessness, there is peace

  53. From the Dwight's mouth

  54. From the Werner's mouth

  55. The function and dysfunction of comparisons

  56. Future that you’re living into

  57. Future-paced by consulting with Now

  58. Gamify it

  59. Getting by giving

  60. Getting excited about doing the mundane

  61. Getting Now to stop his or her activity

  62. Getting over the Now hump

  63. Getting things out of your head

  64. Gifts: could everything be a gift? What about those gofts?

  65. Giving by getting: how well do you let others contribute to you?

  66. Glossary: undying

  67. Golden handcuffs: monkey fist story

  68. Good news: you'll never be caught up

  69. Good news: your taste can change, step-by-step

  70. Happiness is your natural state

  71. Have you decided you have a good deal?

  72. Have you given away much of your power just so you can live in the HOGAB with those around you?

  73. Have you tested the limits of your "jail"?

  74. Having day-to-day and long-term sustainability

  75. Having great long-term relationships: keep them selfish and transactional; never set yourself up for regrets

  76. Healthy eating? An easy rule of thumb: measuring your daily defecation volume

  77. Hidden expressions of fear

  78. Honoring yourself for choosing courage regardless of the result

  79. Honor yourself to ask; honor them to say no

  80. How do you know you're loved? (equal pain?)

  81. How FFI is a type of NNI

  82. How following the Golden Rule will make you unkind

  83. How much do we pay for beauty

  84. How much do we pay to have babysitters for ourselves

  85. How much is your buffet already chosen each week?

  86. How NNI provides the foundation for OOI

  87. How reading and writing extends our listening and speaking through infinite space and time

  88. How spiritual is AskDwightHow? More than you against these points from Purposefairy

    • ​You recognize yourself in all beings.

    • You live your life from a place of sincerity and humility.

    • You love without expecting to be loved back.

    • You are comfortable with not knowing.

    • You trust life’s wisdom.

    • You have no interest in being who people think you should be.

    • Your wisdom is your own.

    • You forgive easily.

    • You give without expecting anything in return.

    • Your heart is at peace even in the midst of adversity.

    • You embrace all that comes your way with thankfulness.

    • You purified your soul of attachments.

    • You no longer look outside yourself for fulfillment.

    • You see yourself as a spiritual being having a human experience.

    • You delight yourself in quietness and solitude.

  89. How the Now-Next issue creates ghosts, souls, afterlife (we don't apply it to animals)

  90. How to avoid the rabbit holes when following your daily plans

  91. How to change others

  92. How to design and follow the map for your life

  93. How to destroy the joy of learning

  94. How to get around the elephant in the room

  95. How to guarantee no regrets

  96. How to have fun with all the rabbit holes in AskDwightHow

  97. How to have a life of meaning

  98. How to keep a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife

  99. How to gently keep others from messing in your business

  100. How to live a great life is fundamentally an engineering problem

  101. How to make the important urgent

  102. How to manage your unlimited buffet of creativity and life opportunities

  103. How to say "no" so that the other person easily understands and accepts

  104. How to share suffering, pain, and fear with dignity

  105. How to speak non-blame (NVC)

  106. How to stop ghosting others

  107. How to train your kids to dislike themselves

  108. How to trust others

  109. Hunger: developing a taste for being hungry

  110. I can relax and be happy when...

  111. I was a righteousness monger

  112. If you are your mind, how can you change it?

  113. If you don't control your environment, your environment will mess with your Now-Next Integrity

  114. If you show respect, there is no age gap, no parent-child gap, no teacher-student gap, and no boss-employee gap

  115. If you can’t stand the risk/fear, get out of life

  116. If you want to be living the life you love, you can't get everything you want

  117. If you're looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, you're doing it wrong. Bring light into the tunnel so that if there is never any "light at the end of the tunnel" that you necessarily have to reach because you are winning and have already won in loving the journey

  118. Impulsive vs indecisive

  119. In our rush to be an adult do we have to give up the benefits of being a child

  120. Include and beyond DNA

  121. Interesting facts about China: three provinces for land vs people

  122. Is reality affected by your shoulds?

  123. Is righteousness needed to protect ourselves or others?

  124. Is there an "I"?

  125. Is this site selling a vitamin or a painkiller?

  126. Is your past JUST an interesting movie, almost of someone else, that you have and can learn from?

  127. It's never too late to re-design your life

  128. Just as two people avoid talking about something they should, Now and Next or Oneself and Others avoid talking and instead tolerate or fight with each other

  129. Just by noticing what is, without any other intention, you will change in a way you like

  130. Just four: requests, promises, yes, and no

  131. Just pay time now

  132. Keeping the books balanced in real-time

  133. Knowing you've got a great deal

  134. Lack of caring is not the problem (too much caring)

  135. Learning from the cat

  136. Learning to enjoy the game/process of delayed gratification

  137. Learn to see culture as something that you have instead of it having you

  138. Leisurely busy

  139. Let's get dirtier: how trying to be clean can be unhealthy

  140. Letting go of "it means something about me" (issue of powerlessness)

  141. Life design; the game of life: from the top down

  142. Life inspirations 

  143. Lighten up 

  144. Listener: having a listener

  145. Little, easy, simple habits that leverage your whole life

  146. Living a tight action-thinking feedback loop

  147. Living and choosing inside the paradox

  148. Look at benefits first before considering costs or how to do it

  149. Love is...

  150. Lower your standards

  151. Machinery as a good guy

  152. Making good decisions: opportunity costs, avoiding one-way streets

  153. Making time-based, instead of results-based, promises/plans

  154. Managing expectations

  155. Many things out in front of you

  156. Map for info, map for action

  157. Marriage: what it means and how to have a great one, even if for three years

  158. Melding process and results into one

  159. Mental illness: dealing with another's

  160. Mental illness: dealing with your own

  161. Mini-rewards and mini-celebrations

  162. Mirror to soul: being your own best friend and fan

  163. Mistakes, failing and losing: a new perspective

  164. Mistakes: they are a necessary and fun part of life and learning...ensure that they are always your mistakes...even if you decide to follow someone else's suggestion, if it doesn't turn out, that's your mistake. Celebrate that.

  165. Misunderstanding choice: we both badly overrate it and underrate it

  166. Modafinil and other nootropics: their role in your life

  167. Money Game: how to set it up and play it

  168. Mood and environment may affect Now-Next alignment

  169. More pleasures, more treasures: nix to "no pain, no gain"

  170. Most completely selfish are the biggest givers

  171. Most often it's effective and easy just to treat what is as a black box

  172. Mother: "If he had only beaten me or had an affair, I would have left him"

  173. Move away from or move towards

  174. Myth-busting: 150 minutes exercise and weight loss vs food

  175. NEAT (Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis)

  176. Need scientist and engineer for life

  177. Negotiating between Now and Next: partnership dialogues

  178. Negotiating between Now and Next: the IF approach

  179. Negotiating between Now and Next: the sitting approach

  180. Next creating a clear and compelling goal/intention

  181. Next is defaulting on his or her responsibility when asking Now to think about the future

  182. Next's job: keeping roles clear

  183. Next must enroll or get permission from Now

  184. No age gap…if there is, we are looking down (or up to) others: big mistake

  185. Non-judgmental means compassionate

  186. Not being wasteful is often more wasteful of something more valuable than what you didn't waste

  187. Nothing to prove or defend: it's the truth

  188. Now can feel freedom from Next getting clear

  189. Now in charge of How and Next in charge of for What

  190. Now-Next partnership conversation

  191. Now's job: keeping roles clear

  192. Now's limit in being patient with doing what Next wants; it's best for Next to find ways for Now to enjoy the process

  193. Nutrition, herbs, and supplements

  194. Occurring for others cf occurring for yourself

  195. Okay to be paid for work you love and you would pay others to let you do it (Roshana's story)?

  196. One minute a day to support each of your reports to do their best in the job

  197. One person cannot fight alone. Do you accommodate others by agreeing to fight with them?

  198. Oneself and Others need each other 

  199. Only with permission

  200. OOI and NNI: Whole Life Issues Profile

  201. Open eyes in the world of risk

  202. Our addiction to force, blame, and defense

  203. Overgenalizations (even instilled deep within our machinery)

  204. Paper-tiger fears

  205. The paradox of trying to look good (and avoid looking bad)

  206. The partnership attitude with life and others

  207. Patience with others

  208. Peace and powerlessness and empowerment and surrender

  209. People mostly think I am a good man, but is it true?

  210. Perfection as something you have to do and it's a slave driver; perfection as something you can play a game within a small area of your life and it's a delight

  211. Perils of ticker watching

  212. Personal questions: back and forth

  213. Play the game always being able to return to Now which is always okay without the fears of Next

  214. Playing with the "law of reciprocation"

  215. Pleasure in power and the power in pleasure

  216. Popular shoddy beliefs

  217. Positive expectations are invisible as expectations until they bite

  218. Power and kindness of equality and inequality

  219. Power in knowing you are powerless

  220. Power vs empower

  221. Prevention: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure: the New Ethics of Integrity way

  222. Principles are always contextual; some principles, the more useful, span more contexts and have less exceptions

  223. Problems easily disappear as you learn to put enjoying the process and lifestyle first

  224. Process for deepest values: stand for life

  225. Procrastinating on happiness

  226. Proving you are or are not something reinforces your conviction that you are

  227. Prudence and joy of being appropriately wasteful (example with my reading glasses)

  228. Prudent or stupid promises

  229. Put your oxygen mask on first 

  230. Quintessential life inspirations are primary; life directions, goals, and destinies are secondary

  231. Rapport

  232. Recognizing and acting on that your #1 job is to take care of yourself

  233. Religion: its uses and abuses

  234. Remembering at the right time what you already know

  235. Remembering enjoying the process as a priority

  236. Removing Now distractions from the environment

  237. Respect cf. love

  238. Resulting

  239. Rewarding yourself: a bad idea

  240. Safety first: but at what cost and other risks?

  241. Safety net: how much do you have and need in the domains of time, money, relationships, health, and happiness

  242. Saint Peter

  243. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil: wisdom or not?

  244. Seeing the negative in the positive: everything is ultimately positive

  245. Self-coaching with a listener

  246. Setting and maintaining good boundaries with others

  247. Short feedback loop

  248. Showing respect to others can be risky

  249. Showing respect to your children: the big missing in parent-child relationships

  250. Silly and wacky: being light

  251. Solitude: spending time with your best friend

  252. Solve Now-Next to resolve Oneself-Others

  253. Soul to soul (relationships)

  254. Sowing the Seeds: 2020 - The Beginning of The One

  255. Spiritual: what does it mean?

  256. Spend money and time on health insurance instead of sickness insurance

  257. Spontaneity and structure: both can win

  258. Spontaneous ideas: the bonanza that Next is throwing away

  259. Starting from where you are (always the perfect place to start from)

  260. Step-by-step and showing respect to Now will work wonders for Next 

  261. Suffering comes from resistance to what is

  262. Suicide: when and if and how to have a good one

  263. Survival, safety, and abundance is handled more than any time in history, but people are not noticing

  264. Survival is handled, let's enjoy thriving

  265. Taking full responsibility without guilt

  266. Tap into your mind

  267. Task-logging by the minute with Excel

  268. Thank God for really selfish people: the biggest contributors

  269. The "popularity" of no response

  270. The antidote to loneliness is not necessarily having people in your life; it's about taking off your mask

  271. The benefits behind "bad" behavior

  272. The dangers of learning and education

  273. The end of problems

  274. The illusion that naming is knowing: Kunming and holiday

  275. There’s knowing and then there’s KNOWING

  276. Three types of problems (only)

  277. Throwing childlike out with the childish bathwater

  278. Throwing the baby out with the messenger (being a vegan)

  279. Time accounting

  280. Time: do you always ensure you're on good terms and friends with time

  281. Time out of the game

  282. TLA or Together living apart (romantic)

  283. Toxicity of the idea of catching up on things

  284. Traveling: a break from having fun from your work

  285. Tribal/national

  286. Ultimate internal game (past, future, and other people)

  287. Un-washing

  288. Unconditional love, a fabrication

  289. Under assuming

  290. Under what rocks (words) is your resisted fear hiding? (for example, Hokey)

  291. Understanding boundaries 

  292. Undoing "behind on things"

  293. Undoing "not good enough," "not smart enough," "not lovable," "not beautiful enough," "not rich enough"

  294. Undoing anger

  295. Undoing arrogance

  296. Undoing attachment

  297. Undoing awkwardness

  298. Undoing being a victim and/or blaming others

  299. Undoing carelessness (fools rush in where angels fear to tread)

  300. Undoing comparing (negatively to others)

  301. Undoing complaints

  302. Undoing confusion (clear future? risk decision? someone disapprove?)

  303. Undoing defensiveness

  304. Undoing distractions

  305. Undoing grief

  306. Undoing hope

  307. Undoing identity

  308. Undoing immaculateness

  309. Undoing impatience (finding something interesting to do while you're waiting)

  310. Undoing overwhelm

  311. Undoing parenthood

  312. Undoing pressure (expand on this one)

  313. Undoing resentment

  314. Undoing revenge

  315. Undoing safety (he who hesitates is lost)

  316. Undoing shoulds (quickly)

  317. Undoing shyness (you're probably shy even if you think you're not)

  318. Undoing stories

  319. Undoing the age gap

  320. Undoing "things that need to be done"

  321. Undoing toleration

  322. Undoing uncomfortable

  323. Un-fighting (with reality)

  324. Un-knowing

  325. Un-promising

  326. Un-resisting

  327. Unilaterally vs. cooperation needed

  328. Unwanted habits: get curious about the benefits (often short-term ones) that your "bad" habits provide for you

  329. Up to something bigger than yourselves (yes, but...)

  330. Using culture instead of it using you

  331. Voice image: its power in relationships

  332. Wear some new glasses

  333. What are the facts?

  334. What is true love?

  335. What you resist persists

  336. What will you sacrifice to belong? (belonging)

  337. What women want from men; what men want from women

  338. Whenever reality or your assessment of it changes "negatively," do you suffer for a while (maybe years) or do you bring yourself back immediately to a new starting point of zero or above, never being below zero?

  339. Who has your machinery named as the bad guys in your world drama?

  340. Who is your best friend?

  341. Who's to blame? Who's at fault? 

  342. Who has influenced me the most?

  343. Whom can I thank for that?

  344. Whose business are you in? (is it actionable?)

  345. Whose business is it? 

  346. Why, unlike many other teachers, am I so transparent with you?

  347. Why are people unkind?

  348. Why do you think you will win when you fight with reality?

  349. Why did we start believing, "I'm not good enough"?

  350. Why it's impossible to do without beliefs

  351. Why the selfishness of others is your best friend 

  352. Why your selfishness is others' best friend 

  353. Will people do bad things if they don't believe that anything is bad or good?

  354. Words and phrases which may stimulate defensiveness ("I don't understand")

  355. Your destiny: "I am the one brought into this world to take care of the body, mind, and spirit that I have."

  356. Your lynchpin for impeccable followthrough

  357. Zero-based life design

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