Who are YOU, really!?

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I have two distinct ways to tell others who I am. The first one is rather standard and might go like this.

 

"I'm an American white male, born in Memphis, Tennessee on July 18, 1944. Starting in New York City from age 22, I  worked as a computer software consultant for 20 years. In 1987, I changed my career to life coaching. I was married and divorced twice and have no kids. Now in 2024, I've lived in Japan, China, Colombia, and Vietnam since the year 2000."

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Who would you prefer to be?

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The other way I tell others who I am lets them see and feel my core and essence.

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"I'm a three-year old boy pretending to be seventy-nine. The world is my playground. Everything and everyone were and are put here just for me to have fun with and play with. I love adventure. I create it and I can find it in everything that happens to me. It's hard for me to find things I am not curious about. So much to explore, discover, and invent! When I am passing another on the sidewalk, when I'm thinking of someone I know, or when I am with someone, I am feeling their soul touch mine. This is who I am."

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Who I really am was covered up and obscured for much of my life. When you uncover who you really are, as I did, you will be your own best friend and fan. Life, circumstances, and others will occur as being there for you (not against you).

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Internal problems and external problems

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Most problems have two components:

• how to see and feel ourselves and the problem in an empowering and resourceful way (like getting the car in good running order)

• how to solve whatever problem may still be there (after the car is working well) in the external world (like figuring out how to drive from Tulsa to Beverly Hills).

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Generally, addressing the internal problem first makes the external problem much easier to handle.

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One effective way to address internal problems is to change your interpretations, glasses, and beliefs (especially those beliefs that are fighting with reality, like "My sister shouldn't be upset," when she is).

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Interpretations (the FIRST way to discover/create who you are)

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Does your unconscious mind feed you empowering or disempowering interpretations? If you're not happy with the automatic thoughts that tend to surface, you can re-program them. For example, here are a few refurbished thoughts that I have programmed into my subconscious:

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• "I am fully engaging with and enlivened within all my circumstances."

• "I am connecting soul-to-soul with everyone."

• "I am noticing the world anticipating my every need and want and aligning those for me."

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To re-program yourself, step-by-step, to automatically have empowering interpretations, go to The Ten-Minute Cognitive Workout.

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Colored glasses (the SECOND way to discover/create who you are)

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What glasses do you see the world through? Many of us wear (by default) the glasses (there is no way not to wear glasses) of

 

• "life is hard,"

• "life is unfair,"

• "you have to be careful,"

• "it's dog-eat-dog,"

• "life is about survival and sacrifice,"

• "nothing makes a difference anyway," and others.

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You can learn to wear some new glasses. The glasses that I have learned to wear consistently are:

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• adventure

• life is my playground and everyone is my playmate

• curiosity

• a feeling of soul-to-soul connection with everyone

• the fresh eyes of a three-year-old boy.

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Below is a list of possible new glasses to wear. Pick out two or three that you like best, glasses that, if you wore more consistently, would make the biggest difference for you.

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Using kickstarting a mental habit, ask yourself the question (as examples),

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"How could I bring curiosity to this circumstance?" or...

"Since I am curiosity, what might my next actions be?"

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Do this for each of the two or three new glasses that you'd like to wear more consistently.

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• The glasses of acceptance

• The glasses of anticipation

• The glasses of grace and ease

• The glasses of adventure

• The glasses of being a force in the world to be reckoned with

• The glasses of choice

• The glasses of confidence

• The glasses of connection, compassion, and understanding

• The glasses of connection with God and the universe

• The glasses of contribution, community, and humanity

• The glasses of courage

• The glasses of creativity and invention

• The glasses of curiosity

• The glasses of decisiveness

• The glasses of easygoingness

• The glasses of enthusiasm

• The glasses of focus

• The glasses of gifts (everything is a gift) and everything/everyone is here just for you

• The glasses of gratitude

• The glasses of intimacy

• The glasses of life is your buffet

• The glasses of lightheartedness

• The glasses of listening

• The glasses of magic

• The glasses of magical play

• The glasses of masculinity (or) femininity

• The glasses of miracles

• The glasses of newborn eyes of awe and amazement and the three-year-old boy/girl

• The glasses of "I'm just getting started in life."

• The glasses of partnership

• The glasses of play

• The glasses of presence, serenity, and peace

• The glasses of reliability

• The glasses of romance

• The glasses of self-awareness, sharing, and authenticity

• The glasses of spirituality and enlightenment

• The glasses of spontaneity and freedom

• The glasses of surrender

• The glasses of wisdom

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For re-refresher approach to discovering (and then learning to wear) the glasses that are really you, go to Undoing Shoulds: Colored Glasses that Fit.

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Beliefs (the THIRD way to discover/create who you are)

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Beliefs that fight with reality cause suffering and are dysfunctional. Byron Katie is the world expert on dismantling such beliefs and replacing them with supportive beliefs. I can't say it any better that she does, so let me introduce you to Byron Katie and her work.