OOI TOOLKIT

ways to create and maintain

Oneself-Others integrity

The wars, battles, and skirmishes

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The ongoing wars, battles, skirmishes, and generally adversarial relationship between the Oneself and Others constitute the second most fundamental problem of humanity. See Oneself and Others for a full depiction of the carnage this creates.

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The tools in this toolkit, singly and in combination, create peace and cooperation between Oneself and Others. They create Oneself-Others integrity.

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The following issues (problems) will be minimized or more likely disappear as you create and maintain Oneself-Others integrity.

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Problems that will disappear

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• Feeling that others take advantage of you

• Feeling that others don't appreciate you and what you've done for them

• Feeling guilty when others blame you (or might blame you)

• Regretting or feeling guilty about your past

• Feeling like you can't trust others

• Being upset with others when they don't meet your expectations

• Feeling betrayed by another

• Thinking that others don't give you what you deserve

• Feeling resentment towards others

• Blaming others

• Not living a life true to yourself

• Difficulties in saying "no"

• Difficulties in making requests

• Difficulties in setting and maintaining good boundaries with others

• Difficulties in removing your mask and being authentic

• Difficulties in expressing appreciation to others

• Not feeling listened to or understood

• Not feeling respected

• Not feeling liked or loved

• Not feeling supported by others

• Difficulties in listening to others

• Difficulties in being patient with others

• Difficulties in creating and maintaining mutually enjoyable conversations with others

• Difficulties in resolving conflicts with important people in your life

• Difficulties in under promising to others

• Difficulties in not keeping your promises to others

• Feeling defensive with others

• Feeling alone or loneliness

• Feeling pressured by others

• Feeling intimidated by others

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Oneself-Others integrity should be a #1 priority, right!?

Check out your current Oneself-Others integrity EQ:

The tools below will move your OOI EQ toward 100%

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Prerequisite tools

• CCC toolkit

• NNI toolkit

• NFS toolkit

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Contextual tools

• Altruistic or selfish? How to solve the conflict? (altruistic)

• Non-stop altruism (video 3:01) (altruistic)

• Assertion vs. accommodation (assertion)

• How good people train others to be bad (bad)

• Belonging: a double-edged sword (belonging)

• Beyond belonging (belonging)

• What will you sacrifice to belong? (belonging)

• Understanding boundaries (boundaries)

• Whose business is it? (boundaries)

• How to keep others from messing your business (boundaries)

• Two-faced toxicity (ethics)

• Why did God put you in your body and mind? (ethics)

• Why did we start believing, "I'm not good enough"?

• Ethics for everyday life: not for Sophie's Choice (ethics)

• The partnership attitude (partnership)

• Regrets of the dying (regrets)

• Conditions of all great relationships (relationships)

• Focus on what you want with others, not on what you don't want (relationships)

• Having day-to-day and long-term sustainability in relationships (relationships)

• Soul to soul (relationships)

• What is being responsible? (responsible)

• Being 100% responsible (take 1) (responsible)

• Being 100% responsible (take 2) (responsible)

• Our addiction to force, blame, and defense (righteousness)

• Blame or contribution: keeping them distinct (righteousness)

• Blame and/or anger? (righteousness)

• Blame and guilt: its big costs and short-term benefits (righteousness)

• Is righteousness needed to protect ourselves or others (righteousness)

• Who's to blame? Who's at fault? (righteousness)

• Benefits of righteousness (righteousness)

• Trust: a fundamental issue (trust)

• Benefits of being a victim (victim)

• Competition for victimhood (video 2:12) (victim)

• Who are the most dangerous people in the world? (victim)

• Being your own best friend and fan (you)

• It's not about you (you)

• Your #1 job (you)

• Unilaterally vs. cooperation needed

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Actions tools

• Are you messing in another's business?

• Are you offended when others don't trust you?

• Art and science of not stimulating defensiveness in others

• Boundaries (good boundaries with others)

• Courage to be accommodating (video 2:11)

• Courage to be assertive (video 1:54)

• Courage to hear "no"

• Dead but not gone (atheists included)

• Does you mouth have a good gatekeeper?

• Eye to eye

• Fairness: how attached are you? (video 3:48)

• Fifteen Minutes for Love (romantic)

• Having great long-term relationships: keep them selfish and transactional (never regrets)

• How my mother was a victim of my father (video 2:20)

• How to change others

• How to have a great (even first) conversation with anyone

• How to interrupt yourself

• How to stop ghosting others

• How to trust others

• How you occur for others (YOFO)

• How to gently tell someone to stay our of your business

• How to get around the elephant in the room

• Keeping the books balanced

• Listening

• Listening for their listening of you

• Lost in maybe-maybe land

• Making requests

• Not caring what others think?

• Partnership Conversation

• Please vote for the best victim (video 2:20)

• Respect: not about status (video 4:20)

• Running a water-tight ship

• Saying "no" (how to)

• Toxic words: giver and taker (video 1:01)

• Toxic words: weird and strange (video 1:00)

• Under promising

• Undoing anger

• Undoing arrogance

• Undoing attachment

• Undoing comparing (negatively to others)

• Undoing defensiveness

• Undoing grief

• Undoing guilt (with audio 3:02)

• Undoing identity

• Undoing "not good enough"

• Undoing overwhelm

• Undoing pressure

• Undoing revenge

• Undoing seriousness

• Undoing shoulds (quickly)

• Undoing shoulds (the full package)

• Undoing shyness (you're probably shy even if you think you're not)

• Using a listener (for self-coaching)

• Voice tone; make an impact

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Tools in the queue

• Apologizing

• Becoming the parent for yourself that you never had (context)

• Becoming unbetrayable

• Being more selfish is better for others (context)

• Being your own best friend

• Complete truth process

• Curiosity about others

• Did you let him or her do it?

• Distance creates beauty (a Chinese proverb)

• Fairness (it can be dangerous to your relationship)

• Five languages for expressing love

• Forgiving others quickly and easily

• Getting by giving

• Giving by getting (how well do you let others contribute to you)

• HISU (include tone of voice)

• How to speak non-blame (NVC)

• It's not about you

• Just four: requests, promises, yes, and no

• Knowing how you occur for others

• Knowing you've got a great deal

• Letting go of "it means somethings about me" (issue of powerlessness)

• Lying

• Occurring for others cf occurring for yourself (context)

• Oneself and Others need each other (context)

• Patience with others

• Personal questions (back and forth)

• Playing with the "law of reciprocation"

• Put your oxygen mask on first (context)

• The "popularity" of no response

• Rapport

• Religion

• Respect cf. love (context)

• Setting and maintaining good boundaries with others

• Setting and environments

• Solve Now-Next to resolve Oneself-Others

• TLA or Together living apart (romantic)

• Voice image: its power in relationships

• Undoing awkwardness

• Undoing being a victim and/or blaming others

• Undoing betrayal

• Undoing complaints

• Undoing defensiveness

• Undoing knowing (context)

• Undoing pressure

• Undoing revenge

• Undoing shyness

• Unpromising

• What women want from men; what men want from women

• Whose business are you in? (is it actionable?)

• Why your selfishness is others' best friend (context)

• Why the selfishness of others is your best friend (context)

• Words and phrases which may stimulate defensiveness (I don't understand)