OOI TOOLKIT
The ongoing wars, battles, skirmishes, and generally adversarial relationship between the Oneself and Others constitute the second most fundamental problem of humanity. See Oneself and Others for a full depiction of the carnage this creates.
The tools in this toolkit, singly and in combination, create peace and cooperation between Oneself and Others. They create Oneself-Others integrity.
Prerequisite tools
Contextual tools
-
Belonging: a double-edged sword
-
Benefits of being a victim
-
Beyond belonging
-
Blame and guilt: its big costs and short-term benefits (the fault paradigm)
-
Blame or contribution: keeping them distinct
-
Blame and/or anger?
-
Competition for victimhood (video 2:12)
-
Having day-to-day and long-term sustainability in relationships
-
It's not about you
-
Our addiction to force, blame, and defense
-
Soul to soul
-
Trust (this issue is fundamental)
-
Understanding boundaries
-
What will you sacrifice to belong?
-
Who's to blame?
-
Whose business is it?
Actions tools
-
Boundaries
-
Courage to hear "no"
-
Dead but not gone (atheists included)
-
Does you mouth have a good gatekeeper?
-
Eye to eye
-
Having great long-term relationships: keep them selfish and transactional
-
How to change others
-
How to trust others
-
How you occur for others (YOFO)
-
How to gently tell someone to stay our of your business
-
How to get around the elephant in the room
-
Making requests
-
Undoing anger
-
Undoing arrogance
-
Undoing comparing (negatively to others)
-
Undoing "not good enough"
-
Undoing overwhelm
-
Undoing shyness (you're probably shy even if you think you're not)
-
Using a listener (for self-coaching)
Tools in the queue
-
Apologizing
-
Becoming the parent for yourself that you never had (context)
-
Becoming unbetrayable
-
Being more selfish is better for others (context)
-
Being your own best friend
-
Curiosity about others
-
Did you let him or her do it?
-
Distance creates beauty (a Chinese proverb)
-
Fairness (it can be dangerous to your relationship)
-
Five languages for expressing love
-
Forgiving others quickly and easily
-
Getting by giving
-
Giving by getting (how well do you let others contribute to you)
-
HISU (include tone of voice)
-
How to speak non-blame (NVC)
-
It's not about you
-
Just four: requests, promises, yes, and no
-
Knowing how you occur for others
-
Knowing you've got a great deal
-
Letting go of "it means somethings about me" (issue of powerlessness)
-
Lying
-
Occurring for others cf occurring for yourself (context)
-
Oneself and Others need each other (context)
-
Patience with others
-
Personal questions (back and forth)
-
Playing with the "law of reciprocation"
-
Put your oxygen mask on first (context)
-
The "popularity" of no response
-
Rapport
-
Religion
-
Respect cf. love (context)
-
Setting and maintaining good boundaries with others
-
Setting and environments
-
Solve Now-Next to resolve Oneself-Others
-
TLA or Together living apart (romantic)
-
Voice image: its power in relationships
-
Undoing awkwardness
-
Undoing being a victim and/or blaming others
-
Undoing betrayal
-
Undoing complaints
-
Undoing defensiveness
-
Undoing knowing (context)
-
Undoing pressure
-
Undoing revenge
-
Undoing shyness
-
Unpromising
-
What women want from men; what men want from women
-
Whose business are you in? (is it actionable?)
-
Why your selfishness is others' best friend (context)
-
Why the selfishness of others is your best friend (context)
-
Words and phrases which may stimulate defensiveness (I don't understand)