How to Live:

27 conflicting answer and one weird conclusion

by Derek Sivers

After finishing this book in May of 2023, I wrote,

 

"So much to both agree with and disagree with. And the author did that somewhat purposefully. I made clippings mostly of what I thought insightful."

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My clippings below collapse a 130-page book into 14 pages, measured by using 12-point type in Microsoft Word." 

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See all my book recommendations.  

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Here are the selections I made (many were truncated because of going over the limit):

Here’s how to live: Be independent.

 

Listen if you want, but always decide for yourself. Never agree with anything the same day you hear it, because some ideas are persuasively hypnotic. Wait a few days to decide what you really think. Don’t let ideas into your head or heart without your permission. Being independent means you can’t blame others. Decide everything is your fault. Whoever you blame has power over you, so blame only yourself. When you blame your location, culture, race, or history, you’re abdicating your autonomy.

 

When you say you want more freedom from the world, you may just need freedom from your past self. You don’t see things as they are. You see them as you are. Change yourself and you change the world.

 

Then you can appreciate everything from a healthy distance. You can appreciate your country from abroad, once it’s not your only option. You can appreciate family, once they’re not forced upon you. You can laugh at the hysteria of the crowd, and learn from it too.

 

Here’s how to live: Commit.

 

If you’ve ever been confused or distracted, with too many options… If you don’t finish what you start… If you’re not with a person you love… … then you’ve felt the problem. The problem is a lack of commitment.

 

No choice is inherently the best. What makes something the best choice? You. You make it the best through your commitment to it.

 

When you keep all options open, you’re conflicted and miserable. Your thoughts are divided. Your power is diluted. Your time is thinly spread. Indecision keeps you shallow. Get the deeper pleasure of diving into one choice.

 

Here’s how to live: Fill your senses.

 

See it all. Touch it all. Hear it all. Taste it all. Do it all. Appreciate this wonderful physical world.

 

Nothing twice. Never eat the same food twice. Never go to the same place twice. Never hear the same thing twice. Everything only once.

 

Here’s how to live: Do nothing.

 

One action creates a problem, fixed by another action, so they react and counter-act, creating more problems to fix. All of this can be avoided. All actions are optional. You don’t have to act or react. You don’t have to do anything.

 

People make bad decisions because they felt they had to decide. It would have been wiser to do nothing.

 

Actions often have the opposite of the intended result. People who try too hard to be liked are annoying. People who try too hard to be attractive are repulsive. People who try too hard to be enlightened are self-centered. People who try too hard to be happy are miserable.

 

Don’t hope. Hope is wanting things to be different than they are. Wanting to change yourself is self-loathing.

 

You don’t need marriage to feel security. Marriage doesn’t make you secure. You don’t need recognition to feel pride. Recognition doesn’t give you pride. You don’t need a beach to feel tranquility.

 

Your whole experience of life is in your mind. Focus on your internal world, not external world.

 

When a problem is bothering you, it feels like you need to do something about it. Instead, identify what belief is really the source of your trouble. Replace that belief with one that doesn’t bother you. Then the pr...

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The less you do, the more you can see. Observe and learn. Watch the world.

 

Here’s how to live: Think super-long-term.

 

In 1790, Benjamin Franklin gifted £2000 to the cities of Philadelphia and Boston by putting it into a 200-year trust, and by 1990 it was worth over $7 million.

 

Today’s discomfort brings future rewards. When you have a clear view of the future, you won’t mind the small sacrifice. You never regret not indulging.

 

We overestimate what we can do in one year. We underestimate what we can do in ten years.

 

When you choose a behavior, you choose its future consequences.

 

Short-term thinking is the root of most of our problems, from pollution to debt, both personal and global.

 

Here’s how to live: Intertwine with the world.

 

We’re all cousins. Everybody on Earth, no matter how far apart, has a surprisingly recent common ancestor. Go meet your family in the Middle East, in Asia, in Africa, in the Americas, and in Europe. Understand that there is no “them”. It’s just “us”. Feel those connections.

 

taste. If you want a successful network

 

Some say “blood is thicker than water,” as if only your immediate relatives have blood. But everyone has blood, and you’re related to all of them.

 

Here’s how to live: Make memories.

 

You recently had a day, or even a month, that you can’t remember. If I asked what you did then, you couldn’t say. There was nothing unusual about it.

 

Go make memories. Do memorable things. Experience the unusual. Pursue novelty. Replace your routines. Live in different places. Change your career every few years. These unique events will become anchors for your memories.

 

To enjoy your past is to live twice. Nostalgia links your past and present.

 

Here’s how to live: Master something.

 

Be a monomaniac on a mission to be truly great at something difficult. Pick one thing and spend the rest of your life getting deeper into it.

 

Striving makes you happy. Pursuit is the opposite of depression. People at the end of their life, who said they were the happiest with their life, were the ones who had spent the most time in the flow of fascinating work.

 

Concentrating all of your life’s force on one thing gives you incredible power. Sunlight won’t catch a stick on fire. But if you use a magnifying glass to focus the sunlight on one spot, it will. Mastery needs your full focused attention.

 

People don’t fail by choosing the wrong path — they fail by not choosing.

 

How long will it take you to become a master? It doesn’t matter. Imagine getting to a mountaintop after a long hike through a gorgeous forest. Achieving your goal would feel like taking off your backpack. That’s all. You do it for the journey, not the destination.

 

Here’s how to live: Let randomness rule.

 

Let the random generator decide what you do, where you go, and who you meet. It’ll scramble your habits. It’ll break the myth of causality. It’ll guide you to see places you’d never ordinarily see, and do what you never would have done.

 

Life is determined not by causes, but by randomness and odds.

 

When talking with people, ask deep open-ended questions — like “What’s your biggest regret?” — that will lead to unexpected stories. When ordering in a restaurant, ask them to surprise you. When doing creative work, let the random generator make your artistic decisions, shaking up your usual style.

 

Here’s how to live: Pursue pain.

 

Everything good comes from some kind of pain. Muscle fatigue makes you healthy and strong. The pain of practice leads to mastery. Difficult conversations save your relationships. But if you avoid pain, you avoid improvement. Avoid embarrassment, and you avoid success. Avoid risk, and you avoid reward.

 

Pain’s power relies on surprise. If you expect it, it’s weaker. If you choose it, it’s gone.

 

Socially, try to get rejected. Learn about “rejection therapy”. Make audacious requests that you think will be denied. This removes the pain of rejection. And you’ll be surprised how often they say yes.

 

Since you can’t avoid problems, just find good problems. Happiness isn’t everlasting tranquility. Happiness is solving good problems.

 

Here’s how to live: Do whatever you want now.

 

The past? That’s what we call our memories. The future? That’s what we call our imagination. Neither exists outside of your mind. The only real time is this moment. So live accordingly. Whatever benefits you right now is the right choice.

 

Your feelings are wise. Bad feelings mean you need to take action. Good feelings mean you took the right action. Following your feelings is the most natural and rewarding thing to do.

 

Most problems are not about the real present moment. They’re anxiety, worried that something bad might happen in the future. They’re trauma, remembering something bad in the past. But none of them are real. If you stop and look around the room, and ask yourself if you have any actual problems right now, the answer is probably no.

 

The present moment is real and safe.

 

Heaven is not what’s at the end of the path. Heaven is the path itself. Doing whatever you want, at every moment, is how to live.

 

Here’s how to live: Be a famous pioneer.

 

A famous pioneer does more for human progress than a billion others who live a normal life.

 

So if you want to help humanity while having the most exciting life, then the way to live is to be a famous pioneer.

 

Here’s how to live: Chase the future.

 

Live in the world of tomorrow. Surround yourself only with what’s brand new and upcoming. That’s where life is made. It’s the most optimistic environment, full of hope and promises.

 

Every year, visit Singapore, Jakarta, Addis Ababa, Lagos, Mumbai, Ho Chi Minh City, and Silicon Valley. Each is creating the future in very different ways.

 

Avoid Europe and anywhere that lives in the past. Places that resist change have no vision, only memories. Yesterday is gone for good.

 

Here’s how to live: Value only what has endured.

 

The longer something lasts, the longer it will probably last. Something that’s been around for a year will probably be around for another year. Something that’s been around for fifty years will probably be around for another fifty years.

 

Only these proven things are worth your time and attention.

 

The pleasure of buying a new thing disappears in days, even hours. So much misery comes from indulgences in current junk. So the way to live is to ignore everything new. All of it. Let the test of time filter everything. Value only what has endured.

 

The modern life is shallow and distracted. The timeless life is deep and focused. Live in the past. Watch the greatest movies of all time. Read the classics. Listen to the legends.

 

Here’s how to live: Learn.

 

You get healthy by learning healthy habits. You get wealthy by learning valuable skills. You build a great interpersonal life by learning people skills. Most misery comes from not learning these things.

 

The biggest obstacle to learning is assuming you already know. Confidence is usually ignorance.

 

Don’t answer a hard question too quickly. Don’t stop at the first answer. In mystery stories, the first suspect is not the culprit.

 

Don’t be consistent with your past self. Only idiots never change their mind.

 

Information doesn’t stick without emotion. You learn better when you’re having fun.

 

Communicate knowledge to others to make sure you understand. Don’t quote. Put it in your own words without looking up or referencing what others said. If you can’t explain it yourself, you don’t know it.

 

Here’s how to live: Follow the great book.

 

You know what your great book is. Whether the Bible, Tanakh, Upanishads, Quran, Think and Grow Rich, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, or another, follow it diligently.

 

Following rules is smart. It’s efficient. You don’t need to stop and re-think every situation.

 

Here’s how to live: Laugh at life.

 

A gorilla, speaking with sign language, makes a joke. We’re amazed. She’s showing the fullest expression of a soul. But when a person is humorless, it’s the opposite. They’ve lost the point of life.

 

Think of the comic heroes, like Charlie Chaplin, Jackie Chan, Jim Carrey, Kung Fu Panda, or Roberto Benigni in “Life Is Beautiful”. They win by being playful, creative, adaptive, irreverent, and unbound by norms. Those who take life too seriously are the opposite, and at a disadvantage.

 

Someone says life is hard. The comedian says, “Compared to what?” Comedians are philosophers.

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Here’s how to live: Prepare for the worst.

 

Things are going to get harder. The future will test your strength. So far, you’ve lived in a time of prosperity. You haven’t experienced massive devastation, but you probably will.

 

The future is unpredictable and uncontrollable. Picture all the things that could go wrong. Prepare for each, so they won’t surprise or hurt you.

 

Remember the fable of the ant and the grasshopper? The grasshopper was just enjoying the summer, teasing the ant for working instead of relaxing. Then winter came, and the grasshopper starved, but the ant was ready.

 

Expecting life to be wonderful is disappointing. Expecting life to be disappointing is wonderful. If you expect to be disappointed, you won’t be.

 

People talk about pessimism and optimism by saying, “Glass half-empty or glass half-full?” But a caveman would say, “Oh my god! A glass! What a great invention! I can see what I’m about to drink! This is amazing! A blanket! A chair! A bed! Food, ready and waiting? This is heaven!” You don’t have to be a caveman to look around you and appreciate your comforts by imagining life without them.

 

To appreciate something fully, picture losing it. Imagine losing your freedom, reputation, money, and home. Imagine losing your ability to see, hear, walk, or talk. Imagine the people you love dying tomorrow. Never take them for granted.

 

Here’s how to live: for others.

 

Focusing on yourself seems smarter and easier, but it’s short-sighted. It’s ignoring the huge benefit of cooperation.

 

Ask open-ended questions, asking people’s thoughts. Ask them to elaborate on whatever they’ve said. Show that you’re interested. Allow silence.

 

Success in business comes from helping people — bringing the most happiness to the most people.

 

Here’s how to live: Get rich.

 

Making money isn’t evil, greedy, shallow, or vain. Money isn’t your worth as a human being, or a substitute for love. But don’t pretend it doesn’t matter.

 

Your biggest obstacle to getting rich is the harmful meaning you’ve attached to it. Your biggest advantage can be projecting a helpful meaning onto it.

 

Making money is proof you’re adding value to people’s lives. Aiming to get rich is aiming to be useful to the world. It’s striving to do more for others. Serving more. Sharing more. Contributing more. The world rewards you for creating value. Pursue wealth because it’s moral, good, and unlimited. Money is social. It was invented to transfer value between people. One job pays way more than another because it has more social value. To get rich, don’t think about what’s valuable to you. Think about what’s valuable to others.

 

Reducing your expenses is so much easier than increasing your income.

 

Don’t loan money to a friend, or you’ll lose your money and your friend. You’d be better off just giving them the money. The return is the sam...

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Here’s how to live: Reinvent yourself...

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Every year or two, change your job and move somewhere new. Change the way you eat, look, and talk. Change your preferences, opinions, and usua...

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At every little decision, ten times a day, choose the thing you haven’t tried. Act out of ...

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Here’s how to liv...

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Love is a combination of attention, appreciati...

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To love something, first you have to connect with it. Give it your full attention. Deliberately appreciate it. Try this with places, art, and sounds. Try this with ...

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Learning is loving. The more you learn about something, the more you can love it. Learn about a place to appreciate it. Learn about people to empathize with them. Not just indi...

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Actively listen to people. When they’re succinct, ask them to elaborate. People aren’t used to someone being sincerely interested, so they’ll need some coaxing to continue. But never try to fix them. When someone tells you what’s broken,...

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We think walls protect us from enemies, but walls are what create enemi...

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And then there’s romantic love. You never really regret falling in love. Do it as much as possible. Flirting and romance is like eating dessert first. After you come down from the sugar rus...

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If the relationship isn’t going to work, it’s better to know early, instead of hiding your true self and putting up a façade ...

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You don’t love someone to shape their future. You don’t judge your friendships by how successful your friend becomes. So don’t love and judge your children that way. Don’t try to change them. Just give them a great environment where they can thriv...

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Here’s how to live...

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The most valuable real estate in the world is the graveyard. There lie millions of half-written books, ideas never launched, and talents never developed. Most people die with everything still inside of them. The way to live is to creat...

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Suspend all judgment when creating the first draft. Just get to the end. It’s better to create something bad than nothing at all. You can improve ...

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Picasso was asked if he knew what a painting was going to look like when he started it. He said, “No, of course not. If I...

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Forget the view outside your window. Focus on the view inside your head. Instead of bringing the world in to your mind,...

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Here’s how to live: D...

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There’s only one law of nature: if you su...

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Avoiding failure leads to success. The winner is usually the one who makes the least mistakes. This is true in investing, extreme skiing, business, flying, and many other fields. Win by not losing. Most people die of cancer and heart disease. So yes, avoid that. But those who die from accidents die youn...

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Reduce ...

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Bad has more power. Insults affect you more than compliments. Injuries affect you more than back rubs. Poison affects you more than medicine. A great relationship or reputation built over years can be destroyed by one bad deed. An other...

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Most of eating healthy is just avoiding bad food. Most of being right is just not being wrong. To have good people in you...

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Here’s how to live: Make a milli...

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You learn best from your mistakes. This is true. So you should deliberately make as m...

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Jump into action without hesitation or worry. You’ll be faster and do more than everyone else. What takes them a month will take you an h...

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So try to be wrong. Try to disprove your beliefs. Never believe something on faith. Prove it or disprove it. While other people have one idea that they think might work, you will have thousands you ...

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It’s easy to make a robot that walks. It’s hard to make a robot that can’t be knocked down. Same with people. People who avoid mistakes are fragile, like the robot that only walks. Your million mist...

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Mistakes are the fountain of youth. The old and succe...

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Here’s how to live: Ma...

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If you go through life without changing anything, what have you done? Just observed?! The world doesn’t need more audience. The world needs changing. What’s broken needs fixing. What’s O...

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But all progress comes from those who ignore the boundaries, break the rules, o...

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Don’t accept anything as-is. Everything you encounter must change. Preservation is your enemy. Onl...

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Don’t worship your heroes. Su...

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Here’s how to live: Balance ...

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All bad things in life come from extremes. Too much of this. ...

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When we lack balance, we’re upset. Over-worked, under-loved, over-eating, under-sleeping. Focused on wealth, but ignoring health. Focused o...

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Even positive traits, when taken too far, become negative. Like when someone is generous to a fault, or amusing to a fault. Too much of a specific strength is a weakness. If you rise to great heights in on...

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Virtue is in the balance between extremes. Between the insecure and the egomaniac: confidence. Between the uptight and the clown: grace. Between the coward and the daredevil: courag...

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You have different sides to your personality, with conflicting needs. Instead of ignoring one, make sure you balance them. Balance time with others and time alone. Balance your need for stability with your need for surprise. Balance input and output, consumption and creation, stability an...

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The best tool for a balanced life ...

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Schedule quality time with dear friends. Schedule preventative health checkups. Schedule focused time to learn. Schedule each aspect of your life, ignoring none. List what makes you happy and f...

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Concl...

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This is an orchestra. You are the composer...

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