Our addiction to reacting to the others and to ourselves from a right/wrong/good/bad perspective is the strongest addiction that we will ever have the opportunity to break.
Breaking this addiction is a step-by-step, never-ending process of developing the mastery of creating curiosity and compassion both towards the right/wrong mind-machinery of others as well as the right/wrong mind-machinery of our own, letting go of blame and criticism both for others and for yourself.
Welcome to one of the biggest games in town!
Often my Chinese guests express envy of my lifestyle. They usually add, "But I could never do that in China." The rules of their culture seem so unbendable to them and they are resigned to living a life that they "have to live."
It's hard for me to imagine any American blaming their culture for not being able to create the lifestyle they want.
“Why” has two opposite meanings…
With one tone of voice, "Why did you do/say that!", we are blaming the other person for what they did or said and we have no interest in putting ourselves in their shoes and understanding "why."
In contrast, with different tone of voice, inquisitive and non-blaming, "Why did you do/say that?", we are curious and quite interested in understanding the reasons behind another's words or actions.
The first way of using "why" is toxic and disempowering to our relationships. The second way of using "why" is healthy and will likely empower our relationships.