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The Righteousness Bias
Righteousness bias: our tendency to demean and to attribute bad motives to a person or people who disagree with us with a concomitant diminished or lack of interest in trying to understand what they may be concerned about or what they may know that we are unaware of.
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Of all biases, the righteousness bias, often teaming up with other biases, like the agency bias and the confirmation bias, is the source of more suffering than anything else.
The righteousness bias adds gun powder to the confirmation bias
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The confirmation bias might still exist without the righteousness bias, but it would be like playing with a friendly kitten that might scratch you by accident compared to an attacking lioness defending her cubs.
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Costs of the righteousness bias
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The costs of righteousness are huge. In broad summary the costs include:
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Severely limiting your ability and interest to assess the benefits, costs, possibilities, and risk of the actionable options that are available or might be available to you in given circumstances.
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Stimulating the person or people you are righteous with to withdraw, get defensive, and/or respond with their righteousness, any one of which is not likely to be in your favor.
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A willingness to act without concern (and even awareness) of the collateral damage that is often created by your righteous behavior.
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Although actions taken as an expression of your righteousness can make you feel momentarily good, you are likely to feel regret or remorse after you later assess the damage you have caused by your uncharitable actions, especially for the damage you caused to those that you care about.
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When we are righteous we are acting on a belief that something should or should not be that differs from reality. As such, righteousness is a resistance to what is. When you fight with reality, you suffer.
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Righteousness is everywhere, often unrecognized as such
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"She's such a complainer." You're complaining about her complaining.
"He doesn't appreciate all I do for him." You see him as a bad guy for not appreciating you more.
"My mother doesn't understand me." How much interest do you have in understanding your mother?
"There are the givers and the takers." As a giver, you feel justified in blaming those whom you think are takers.
"Why are salesman so pushy!" You feel salesmen are breaking a standard of polite behavior.
"...silence..." You're punishing them for being insensitive.
"If everyone pulled their weight, the world would be a better place." You see many others who don't meet your standard of how much they should contribute.
"It's difficult to tolerate my husband's apathy, but I don't want to think I didn't try my best to make our marriage work." You're trying to prove you're a good wife.
"I believe in being positive." You believe there is something negative that should be resisted or avoided.
"My son should not have killed himself." You believe something should be different than the way it is. All shoulds and should nots are a righteousness against reality.
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"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there."
-Rumi
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