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Defensive (offensive)

Sometimes our defensiveness is obvious, even to ourselves. Other times it is more subtle and even the person we're being defensive with may not consciously name it, even though their behavior is shaped by it.

Also, although we might classify a behavior as offensive instead of defensive, when we are offensive, it's because we think there is something to defend. Therefore, whether a behavior occurs as defensive or offensive, they are both defensive.

  • When you say "Why did you do that?", you've got little curiosity. You're actually blaming them out of your own defensiveness.

  • When you're resisting what occurs to you as an attempt to control you, you're defensive.

  • When someone blames you and you blame them back or try to defend yourself, you're defensive.

  • When you're trying to defend your point of view or what you know to be true, you're defensive.

  • When if you give an excuse when someone points out a mistake, you're defensive.

  • When you're walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting someone, you're defensive.

  • When you're trying to prove something to yourself or to another person, you're defensive

See Undoing defensiveness.

"Defense is the first act of war."

-Byron Katie

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