Doing it with others

I wasn’t exercising


In 1995 I was living in Phoenix, Arizona. I wasn’t exercising. Dwight-Next knew the importance of exercise for Dwight’s future. But Dwight-Now’s desire was dead-in-the-water when considering any of the ideas that Dwight-Next had of what exercise we could do. Finally, Dwight-Next came up with an idea that excited Dwight-Now.

Sort of like…“A bit of sugar helps the medicine go down”


I enrolled one of my friends to meet me at my home every Monday at 6.30am. From there, we would drive together to Camelback Mountain, a ten-minute drive from my home. We’d climb up the mountain to a certain checkpoint and then turnaround to come down, taking a total of about 75 minutes. As we were climbing up and down, getting pretty good exercise, we enjoyed talking and sharing together. Dwight-Now was in hog heaven talking with his friend. And Dwight-Next was gratified that we were getting good exercise. I then enrolled three other friends into a similar outings on Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday mornings.

No persistence, toleration, or patience


I was regular and reliable in getting pretty good exercise. But I didn’t need persistence or toleration or patience. If my-next has to use any of these, then you’re out of integrity.


A special note about persistence and patience.


Yes, it would occur to others that I was persistent in exercising, but I wasn’t being persistent. It would occur to others that I had patience in continuing to exercise, but I wasn’t being patient. Being persistent and being patient imply a certain toleration, a certain “putting up with” something. As a counterexample, we would never say, “She was persistent in finishing off the pizza,” unless she wasn’t enjoying it and she was finishing it off for another reason than enjoyment, like “not wanting to feel bad by wasting food."

Let’s do it together!


Many things may be more enjoyable for my Now by doing them with others:


  • Organizing a house, a room, a closet, a garage

  • Cleaning your house (maybe alternate houses with your neighbor)

  • Editing a book

  • Trying to figure out a solution to a problem, brainstorming together

  • Cooking together

  • Eating healthfully together

  • Letting another be your celebration/accountability partner for sharing and reporting what you did (or did not) do

  • Even "being together" over the phone or on Zoom while each of you is either doing something similar or different, but you're doing it together.


What could be done together?

Think of anything that Next is interested in doing or being consistent in doing. Yet, currently, your Now is not on board. Ask yourself, “Is there some way I could do this with another person so that my Now could enjoy it?” If you can't get an answer right away, take some time and use your creativity.

See How I finished my 700-page book as another great example of "doing it with others."