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The joys of living alone

Special note: The following accounting would be more nuanced with exceptions if we tried to include circumstances when dependent children were involved. This exposition, in contrast, primarily applies only to adults who have the option to live alone or together. It could also apply in the case of a romantic couple deciding whether to live together or live separately.

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A bad rap

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Living alone tends to get a bad rap. We often have a background belief that we (or others) only choose to live alone because we haven't found someone we'd like to live with or no one wants to live with us.

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Yes, living together with one or more other people may be the better choice. However, let's look more deeply into the benefits of living alone in contrast to those of living with another or others.

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Living alone can often be less expensive

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There's a truism that living together is less expensive. It's not necessarily so, even which just considering the money issue.

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When living alone in a house or apartment, you have the option of paying for less space, sometimes much less space because you don't need to allow for a bigger place to create a sense of privacy when you need it. Additionally, if you're sharing other-than-housing expenses with the others, you may end up paying more because they just happened to spend more or need more than you do. In short, it may be difficult to maintain the best monetary boundaries with your housemate or mates. 

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Six more benefits of living together

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Before we focus on all the benefits of living alone, let's examine the reputed benefits of living together.

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1) Having company

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If you're the type of person who just feels more comfortable with someone always being nearby and uncomfortable if there is no one else around, then you may validly consider those benefits to be of such value that they trump the costs of living with others as well as the costs of giving up the benefits of living alone. 

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2) Not being lonely

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Although it's not necessarily true for everyone, for the purpose of avoiding loneliness, with all the inexpensive and no-cost text, audio, and video communication channels available to us, you can more easily connect and spend time with a larger variety of people than you can if you relied on one or more living partner(s). Yes, you may have to be more proactive to make that happen. But, if you are proactive, then you could be even less lonely connecting this way than when just relying on your living partner(s) to satisfy that need. I personally have found that I have often felt more connection with friends on a video chat that I would have felt with an in-person visit.

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3) Not getting bored

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Actually, living with others could be the occasion for more boredom since our need to be polite in socializing when living together could more likely have us tolerating a boring situation or interchange. When communicating remotely we can more easily control when and how long our conversations last, which also tend to me more focused.

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4) Safety

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What if you slip and fall down in the tub and can't get up? What if you have a stroke and there's no one that will know about it soon enough? What if you're sick and need someone to take care of you while you stay in bed for several days? 

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Yes, it is possible to imagine an unlikely scenario when living with someone could make a difference in whether or not you would be okay. However, in most home emergencies, today's mobile phones and even medical alert watches, if possibly needed, could provide even better safety should such an occasion arise.

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5) Doing household tasks together or "trading" what each does best

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For some, doing household tasks together can make them more enjoyable. Or if each household member enjoys and does some tasks better over others and together things get done better, then that can be a benefit of living together rather than separately.

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6) In the case of romantic couples, easy access to touching and making love

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Yes, this could obviously be an important benefit of living together. Although some may not admit it, mate guarding, if deemed important, would likely be more effective when living together.

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On the other hand, living apart (if not too far apart) could make the joys or touching and making love more pronounced than when living together. A Chinese proverb says, "Distance Creates Beauty." When you have time away from your lover, you can begin to miss and get hungry for him or her. I have found that this is very true for myself. If I live with a woman, it may take a while, but no matter how much I love her, my passion will fade.

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Fifteen benefits of living alone

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1) Mutual conflicts about the desired level of neatness and cleanliness (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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It could happen that it's not a problem if you have complete alignment of the desired level of neatness and cleanliness desired in the living area among housemates. But that's rare. With my former wife, I would have preferred much more neatness. But if I wanted it, I would have had to keep putting my wife's things away they she left out and she would likely get upset if "I put them in the wrong place." And, with her desire for cleanliness, if I went outside for three minutes, she would insist I wash my hands when I came back in the house.

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2) Silence or noise (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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You could want or need silence at certain times. They want or need silence at other times. You may need to stifle yourself from making noise when you would like to and either stuff it or nag them when they make noise that you don't like or is interfering with things you would like to do. And they have to do the same with you.

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3) No lights, low lights, bright lights (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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You may have different tastes or different needs regarding lights (either artificial or from the windows) at different times of day or in different circumstances.

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4) Can't fully be yourself (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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You'd like to go naked for the day, but.... You'd like to neglect your shower or makeup, but.... You'd like to fart as loud and as often as you like, but.... You'd like to talk to yourself, but.... And any of these might go for them too, but....

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5) Having to compromise on decorating or not (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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Living with another, you have to compromise or tolerate their decorating taste or lack thereof. It's the same for them.

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6) You have to deal with personal space and usage issues (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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You may not be able to take over the living floor for a pet project. Or they may have to forgo their favorite TV program because you took over the TV first. Keeping things sorted in the fridge or stocked in the cabinets can cause friction and take extra time. "When are you going to be finished in the bathroom?!"

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7) It's hard to feel free to do whatever that may "not look so good" to the other person or people (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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You don't feel so comfortable just staying in bed for the day. Or watching a documentary that bashes your housemate's sacred cow. Or eating with your fingers. You'd really like to drink straight from that milk carton. And you've got your own list of behaviors that if they did you would be uncomfortable with.

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8) Conflicts about what constitutes "equal" financial contributions (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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For example, they think you should share equally in the cost of movie subscriptions services but you argue that they make much more use of them than you do.

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9) Conflicts about what constitutes fair allocation of household tasks (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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For example, they think they you're not doing your full share of keeping the house neat and clean but you know you're already doing more than enough.

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10) You hate that you'd even think that (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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But if you discovered that your stash of cash went missing, you might suspect someone you lived with took it.

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11) What if they can't keep up their end of the bargain (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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They are supposed to pay half the rent, but for "good" reasons they can't ante it up what they owe this month.

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12) You're in a mood, maybe for days, where you just want to hide out (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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But if you're living with someone, hiding out like that just wouldn't be considerate.

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13) Big problem about pets (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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You (or they) would really like a cat, but they (or you) are allergic. Or all the other possible disagreements about having pets or not, or taking care of those pets or not, or tolerating the smells and sounds or not, or...

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14) Inviting guests to your home can be problematic (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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Maybe they need to get permission from you or you from them. And, if you want to have privacy with your guest(s), that not likely to be so easy.

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15) You like it warmer or cooler than they do (if living alone, this is not a problem)

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It's called "the case of mysteriously changing thermostat setting."

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