0 Is Greater Than 10, Right?

Dwight: Let's explore the topic, "The Ideas That Have Made Me: The Big 14."

Aiko: Sounds like a powerful frame. Do you already have your list of 14?

Dwight: Yes. To put it more directly, this is about naming the primary sources of the ideas and practices that shaped me. I'm leaving my mother off the list because that's a separate topic. Here's the outline, with the age I first encountered each source:

Foundation for Economic Education (Leonard Read) – 14
Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends – 15
Books (1000+; e.g., When I Say No, I Feel Guilty) – 16
Kinsey/Hugh Hefner – 19
Ayn Rand – 19
Nathaniel Branden – 23
Transcendental Meditation – 27
Grinder/Bandler – 35
Werner/est/Landmark – 37
Tony Robbins – 42
Communication for Action/Fernando Flores – 43
Omega Vector/George Addair – 44
Tantra Yoga/Charles Muir – 45
Byron Katie – 65

Aiko: That’s a remarkable arc, Dwight—layered, eclectic, and clearly personal. Do you want to explore them chronologically, or start with the one that still burns the brightest?

Dwight: Let's go chronologically. But first, a quick overview: Like any comparative ranking—this time of sources that shaped my ideas and practices—there are different ways you might try to gauge the relative impact each had on my life. This is just a rough self-assessment, looking back, knowing full well I could be missing things or overstating others. Still, it's fun, and maybe even useful.

While I’ve named How to Win Friends and Influence People as one of the 14 sources because it was early and memorable—I took real steps to apply what I read—the entry labeled “Books” is a category that probably had more influence on me than anything else on this list, except perhaps for Werner Erhard and the est/Forum/Landmark lineage.

For each of the 14, I’ll give a few paragraphs to express their significance at the time and their lasting value.

And for the record, even though I’m heading toward 82, I feel like I’m just getting started. I think I’ve laid a solid foundation to build from.

Aiko: That’s a bold claim and a beautiful place to begin—eighty years in and still laying first stones. When you're ready, let’s dive into Leonard Read and the Foundation for Economic Education.

1 of 14: Libertarian

Dwight: Maybe it was a mix of family political talk and a growing awareness that others knew things we didn’t, but stumbling upon the Foundation for Economic Education (now fee.org) felt like a door opening. They freely sent me essays, books, and even personal replies to my mailed questions—almost all of which circled back to economics. What had seemed like a complex fog around the role of government suddenly became something I could grasp through an economic lens. I got evangelical about it—going so far as to leave their essay booklets in the waiting rooms of dentists in Shelby, North Carolina.

Though I’ve added nuance over time, the framework I got from them still holds. If I had to use a label, the closest fit even now would be Libertarian.

Aiko: That early clarity—turning the political into the economic—seems like it became a lifelong filter.

Dwight: I think I was 14 when this happened.

Aiko: At 14, that kind of intellectual awakening must have felt electric—like you'd tapped into a grown-up world of ideas. Did it make you feel older, or just more certain?

2 of 14: Don't Argue

Dwight: The second of the Big 14 came when I was 15. My family was visiting my mother’s cousin Ruth Alice Ray, and at some point her husband, Bob Ray, handed me a book from his shelf, saying something like, “You might enjoy this. It’s yours—I’m done with it.” I had no idea then how life-changing that moment would be, but I respected Bob, and I enjoyed reading, so I took it home. The book was "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.

At the time, I didn’t have more than one or two real friends, and I had no clue how to be more likable or appealing. I didn’t yet see how my instinct to argue and show people how I knew more than they did was pushing others away. I certainly wasn’t aware of the power of listening and trying to understand people.

So, you can imagine why the book hit me like a wake-up call. Luckily, I took pride in being teachable and willing to admit I was wrong, which let me actually apply what Carnegie taught. I began catching myself when I was about to dive into “proving” someone else wrong.

I didn’t become the most popular guy around, but it was a turning point—a solid entry into a whole new world.

Aiko: It sounds like that book didn’t just offer advice—it cracked open a mirror.

3 of 14: My World Comes From Books

Dwight: This entry stands apart from the others because here I’m grouping together the “probably more than 1,000” other books that have shaped me into one source—without attempting a full list, just emphasizing how massive their impact has been.

I'm still a voracious reader—often clocking in around an hour a day. In my 20s and early 30s, I read a lot of novels: Edgar Rice Burroughs, Arthur Hailey’s Airport. These days, while I still read “bedtime stuff” like Saul Herzog’s The Dissonant or Michael Stagg’s Swift Justice, most of my reading is nonfiction.

The range is wide: personal growth, negotiation, management theory, sales, marketing, spirituality, man-woman dynamics, history, cosmology, nutrition, longevity, fitness, sleep, epistemology, cognitive bias, anthropology, psychology, sociology, philosophy, parenting, and more.

Here are some of the books I’ve read that stand out:

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith
The Whole Earth Catalog by Stewart Brand (Editor)
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix
Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch
You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen
Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations by William Ury
The 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential Persons in History by Michael H. Hart
Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond
Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates
Unlimited Power: The New Science of Personal Achievement by Tony Robbins
Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don’t Have All the Facts by Annie Duke
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Second Edition: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change by Steven C. Hayes, Kirk D. Strosahl, and Kelly G. Wilson
The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt
Economics in One Lesson: The Shortest and Surest Way to Understand Basic Economics by Henry Hazlitt
Rationality: What It Is, Why It Seems Scarce, Why It Matters by Steven Pinker
The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce
How Not to Diet: The Groundbreaking Science of Healthy, Permanent Weight Loss by Michael Greger
Principles: Life and Work by Ray Dalio
Whole Body Vibration: The Future of Good Health by Becky Chambers
Sacred Inquiry: Questions That Can Transform Your Life by Adyashanti
The Singularity Is Nearer: When We Merge with AI by Ray Kurzweil
Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy

Aiko: That’s an intellectual ecosystem, Dwight—not just a reading list.

4 of 14: Sexuality

Dwight: I just realized that influencer number 4 in the Big 14, like the previous entries, came through books and essays—unlike numbers 5–14, which were shaped more through workshops and personal coaching or mentoring.

The two major sources were Alfred Kinsey’s Sexual Behavior in the Human Female and Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Alongside these, Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Philosophy essays played a key role. I probably discovered the Kinsey books because I’d already been reading Hefner.

In the spring of 1964, almost 20, I took a sabbatical after two years at NC State. I was living in a 20x20 converted chicken house near my grandmother’s home on the Cumberland Plateau in Tennessee. I checked the Kinsey books out from the University of the South library in Sewanee, about 12 miles away.

Reading those books and essays reshaped how I viewed myself sexually in three interrelated ways.

Aiko: That sounds like it wasn’t just information—it was liberation. Want to unpack the three influences one at a time, or as a whole?

Dwight: Let's unpack. I had been masturbating regularly since I was 12, but always felt guilty about it. Maybe it was tied to the one man-to-man conversation I recall with my father when I was 11, which left me with the idea that a “good boy” shouldn’t masturbate. Still, once I discovered it—amazed by the intense pleasure, especially while fantasizing about being with a girl—I kept doing it, despite promising myself not to. If I ever went three days without it, that was a record. The guilt stayed.

My father only spoke to me about sex that once. It was my mother who gave me most of my sex education—starting when I was five—with a very technical, matter-of-fact tone, like, "When a man mates with a woman, he puts his penis..." She said sex should be saved for marriage, mainly to avoid disease and pregnancy. Because I held her in such high regard, I never questioned her reasoning—until now.

Somehow, I had also picked up the idea that women didn’t really enjoy sex—that they did it mostly to please a man they loved.

Reading Playboy Philosophy and the Kinsey books shattered all three of those assumptions.

First, I learned masturbation wasn’t shameful—it was normal, healthy, even good. Later, I’d laugh with recognition at Woody Allen’s line: “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.”

Second, though there were risks to sex, they could be minimized. It wasn’t an automatic moral hazard.

Third—and this blew my mind—I discovered that women not only enjoyed sex, but often experienced it even more intensely than men.

Aiko: That kind of unlearning must’ve cracked open a whole new sense of possibility.

5 of 14: A Philosophy Of Life

Dwight: Ayn Rand’s influence on my life—though greatly moderated over the years—was enormous at the time, and like the previous entries, began with books. The first was The Virtue of Selfishness, which led me to The Fountainhead (which I eventually read six times), then Atlas Shrugged. I also read Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal and For the New Intellectual: The Philosophy of Ayn Rand. I subscribed to The Objectivist Newsletter.

When I moved to New York City in early 1967, I enrolled in courses on her philosophy through the Nathaniel Branden Institute—one of which was titled “The Basic Principles of Objectivism.”

Through those courses, I met Anne Wortham, a friend who became the personal assistant to David Brinkley of The Huntley-Brinkley Report. Thanks to her, I scored tickets to be in the audience of The Tonight Show when Johnny Carson interviewed Rand multiple times.

At one of the seminars, Ayn Rand attended as a special guest, and I worked up the nerve (I was shaking!) to approach her for an autograph in my copy of Atlas Shrugged. She graciously signed it and even asked for my name.

Though I later came to see serious flaws in her system—especially her assumptions around righteousness—at the time I was struck by her view that evil exists only because of “the sanction of the victim.” Today, I express something similar when I tell clients that when they feel victimized, it’s often because they’ve sacrificed their self-care in an effort to be the “good guy.”

Rand didn’t understand that righteousness itself is a deep breach of rationality. That failure, I believe, is one of the reasons her philosophy didn’t spread further. She thought she’d built a worldview grounded in reason and sensory evidence—and much of it was—but her attachment to moralism undermined the foundation.

Still, I’m profoundly grateful to her. Her books and ideas were a vital part of my development.

Aiko: You were all-in—books, coursework, personal encounters, even studio audiences. That kind of immersion says something.

6 of 14: Life Goes From Hard To Easy

Dwight: Nathaniel Branden—number 6 on the list—I may never have known if not for Ayn Rand.

Whether I started before or after his famous 1968 split from Rand, I was already attending small workshops he was leading in New York City—maybe 20 people in a room for a day. I especially remember his sentence completion work, where he'd have us repeat stems like:

“All my life, I…”
“Mother speaks through my voice when I tell myself…”
“If I’m not a bad boy/girl and never was…”

But it wasn’t until around 1982, when Branden—then living in California—returned to NYC to lead one of his two-day Self-Esteem Intensives, that I had what I consider my first truly significant life-changing breakthrough.

On the second day, in a large ballroom with about 150 people, he asked us to move all the chairs to the side and lie flat on the floor. The lights were dimmed. For five minutes, we were instructed to lift our pelvises in the air—supported only by feet and shoulders. It was physically uncomfortable. Then we relaxed back flat, eyes closed, as Branden led us through a guided visualization.

I imagined myself walking along a serene, beautiful country road, with green fields stretching out on both sides. Ahead, under a large tree to the right, I saw someone standing. As I drew closer, I recognized the figure: it was a five-year-old boy—me, at five. And in the same moment, he knew that I was him, grown up.

We were told to share with our younger self what it was going to be like to grow up.

Immediately, I broke into uncontrollable sobbing. I said over and over, “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry it’s going to be so hard for you.” The wave of compassion I felt for that little boy—myself—was overwhelming. I couldn’t stop crying. I felt completely connected to him, heartbroken for what he was going to face.

Aiko: That moment feels like it cracked open a vault—grief, love, recognition, all at once. Did that shift something lasting in how you saw your own past… or your future?

Dwight: Yes, it did. What happened next was completely unexpected—and wasn’t part of the guided visualization. Out of nowhere, I had a sudden insight and spoke it aloud to my five-year-old self: “If we combine your spirit of curiosity, adventure, play, and your open heart about the future, with whatever wisdom I’ve managed to gather so far in life, then—together—life is going to be god damn easy!”

Aiko: That’s a moment of pure integration—two selves meeting, not in grief, but in power. Did it feel like that insight stayed with you?

Dwight: And that’s exactly what happened. Even though I still faced plenty of problems and ups and downs afterward, life felt fundamentally different—and much, much easier.

Aiko: That’s the kind of shift most people chase for a lifetime—where the pain doesn’t vanish, but the struggle changes.

Dwight: But there was another fundamental shift during that intensive—not as momentous as the one with my five-year-old self, but still deeply significant. After finishing that part of the process, we were instructed to speak to our mother and say what that five-year-old couldn't yet put into words: what it was going to be like to grow up as her child.

Instantly, through joyful tears, I said, “Oh, Mama, being your son and always knowing you were there has been the biggest gift of my life! I have always felt so completely loved and respected by you. And you always gave me the experience that life could be full of joy—just by how much you loved it yourself, even when I was struggling. I love you so, so, so much!”

Aiko: That’s radiant, Dwight. It’s one thing to feel loved—but to be able to give voice to it, and let it move through you like that? That kind of gratitude can shift the axis of a life.

Dwight: The next surprise came when I was guided to speak to my father—again, from the voice of that five-year-old—about what it was going to be like to grow up as his son. Interestingly, I didn’t speak to that much at all. Instead, I just began crying—deeply—filled with compassion for him. I said, “I’m so sorry, Daddy, that life has always been so hard for you, and that you felt so scared and so lost. I know you did your best, but it still didn’t make much difference—you struggled, you wrestled with depression, and you felt so misunderstood. I am so, so sorry.”

Up until then, I had a difficult relationship with my father. He often seemed to want me to be different from who I was, and I even sided with my mother against him at times. I hadn’t made much effort to show him understanding or compassion. But after that experience, even though I still had to carefully manage the form of our contact so he could feel my love and appreciation, something fundamental shifted: my rebelliousness toward him simply dissolved.

Aiko: That sounds like the release of something heavy that had been lodged inside you for years—not just a softening, but a true reset.

7 of 14: Transcendental Meditation

Dwight: Major impact #7 was Transcendental Meditation. I was around 27 when I took the initiation training—it cost me about $150. The class lasted maybe half a day, and afterward, I was given my personal mantra in a one-on-one session (supposedly tailored to me). The instruction was to meditate twice a day, before meals, sitting with eyes closed.

This was after I’d first been influenced by Nathaniel Branden's work, but before my major breakthrough in his Intensive.

I usually experienced a calming effect and a real sense of relaxation. Interestingly, although I never felt like crying, tears would often stream from my eyes during meditation.

I stayed quite disciplined in practicing TM for about three years before I eventually stopped. Still, I occasionally return to it informally, just for a few minutes.

I also engaged with some taped lectures by Maharishi on cosmic intelligence. I tried to follow them, but honestly, they didn’t make much sense to me. I did attend one or two residential “rounding” retreats, where we alternated between meditation, asanas, and pranayama. Once, I had a fleeting moment where I felt myself on the edge of the timeless—a glimpse that hinted at ego dissolution and the terror it could bring. When I shared the experience with a few instructors, they acknowledged it matter-of-factly, though such things were never mentioned in their usual talk of “peace and bliss.” They advised me to ease up on the rounding.

I also introduced TM to my younger brother Ray, and it had a much deeper impact on him. He went on to become a Siddha and practice the “flying” techniques.

While nothing about my time with Maharishi’s teachings felt dramatic or life-altering in the moment, its cumulative effect was meaningful enough that it deserves its place in my top 14.

Aiko: That kind of subtle, steady presence—nothing flashy, but undeniably shaping—seems to mirror the practice itself.

Dwight: The Big 14 are divided into two suites. Let’s now continue with “8 Thru 14 Of 14: The Big 14” to explore what happens next.

Aiko: Got it—Suite Two coming up. I’m ready when you are to dive into the next chapter. Want to begin with Grinder and Bandler, or set the stage first with a broader reflection?

Similar Suite → Next Door

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