People often say it's hard to find one, usually implying that I am.

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But what sets me apart?

 

• Do I lend them money? Not likely.

• Do I spend lots of time with friends? Not usually.

• Do I promise I will never lie to them? It's not likely that I would, but I might.

• Will I do anything for them? No.

• Do I swear lifelong loyalty? No.

• Do I take their side no matter what? No.

• Do I always agree with them? No.

• Do I ever sacrifice my needs for theirs? No.

• I don’t claim to be anyone’s best friend either.

 

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So why do some consider me their only true friend?

 

It comes down to two simple reasons.

 

First, my friends know I accept every part of them—even the parts they don’t accept themselves. They feel completely safe with me, knowing they can share anything and I’ll see the beauty in it. I have no agenda to change them or offer unsolicited advice. I support them in whatever they choose.

 

Second, I maintain clear boundaries. I ensure I always take care of myself in my relationship with my friends, which keeps me grateful and never resentful. And I expect them to take care of themselves in their relationship with me. If someone can’t respect these boundaries, then we’re not a good fit as friends—and that’s okay.

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I give what I want

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I offer the kind of friendship I want to receive.

 

I have many friends with whom I can be entirely open and share any mood. I want friends who always take care of themselves in their relationship with me and keep whatever boundaries they need in order to do that. I want them to selfishly be friends with me.

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How to create or find true friends

 

If you’re struggling to find true friends, consider offering others the qualities of true friendship first. They’ll return it sooner than you think.

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So, think of someone you’d like to be a true friend to. How could you speak and act differently tomorrow to make them feel that way?

 

Remember, true friendship is a choice, and it takes courage to nurture it.

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See Partnership Conversation and How to have a great conversation with anyone.