Would you like to feel confident?
First, let’s distinguish four types of confidence.
First is the confidence of predicted skill or results.
“I am confident I can finish washing the dishes within ten minutes.”
“I am confident my aunt will accept my invitation.”
“I am confident that the weather will clear by tomorrow.”
“I am confident I can tango moderately well.”
“I am confident, if I make enough calls, someone will accept my invitation.”
This type of confidence is improved by either more practice, learning, or knowledge.
Second is the confidence that you can and will keep going in a process until you get the desired results.
“I am confident that I will have a happy marriage.”
“I am confident I can make this business successful.”
“I am confident I will become great at selling this product.”
Third is the confidence that you can take some action without fear (or, at least, without a lot of fear).
“I am confident that I can easily apply for a new job.”
“I am confident that it won’t be hard to say ‘no’ to my brother if he asks for a loan.”
“I am confident that I will be willing to ask any interesting girl for a date.”
Fourth is a generalized confidence that you’re worthy and able to dance with life (this type of confidence is often called self-esteem).
"I feel good about myself and my ability to handle life."
"If I lose my job, everything will still be okay."
"Life seems like just a big playground."
Many factors affect one or more of these four types of confidence.
But two factors will often create the most immediate impact on confidence (of types two through four): finding a way to enjoy the process and choosing courage.
Enjoying the process
Let’s imagine you want more confidence in becoming a successful insurance salesperson. If you either know (or know you can find a way) to enjoy the process of learning how to become a successful insurance salesperson, that will naturally add to your confidence in your future success. A person who is enjoying the process can more easily and predictably be persistent in taking the necessary actions. Contrast this with another person who tolerates the process just so they can hopefully get the results of being a successful insurance salesperson. This is why NNI is very effective in creating confidence. Check out the NNI toolkit.
Often the most salient method to increase your confidence in a particular area is by making friends with your fear (undoing fear) and choosing courage to take the next step in the appropriate process.
As an example, you’d like to have more confidence in saying “no” to your friend who has asked for a loan.
Review the undoing fear process. Apply the process with the specific expression, “Holy cats and jeepers creepers, I am so scared to say ‘no’ to my friend.”
Remember: belly breathing, slowly loudly silly speaking, 11 times
Notice how, after doing this, you feel more confident in your ability and willingness to say “no” to your friend.
Use this approach for any circumstance in which you want more confidence.
Courage first, confidence second
In most circumstances we don’t have direct access to feeling confident. But we do have direct access to choosing courage (taking it step by step, if needed). Predictably, as you choose courage again and again in a given circumstance, the amount of courage you need to choose goes down and the confidence you feel goes up.
Welcome to the world of more and more confidence!