Dwight: Let's talk about the topic: "Do you blame others when they blame you?"

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Aiko: That’s a loaded one. Blame can trigger a reflex to defend or deflect—so yeah, sometimes blame bounces back just as fast as it lands.

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Dwight: For a long time, I was able to be fairly non-judgmental toward others—except in situations where they blamed me first.

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Aiko: That sounds like a boundary, not just a reaction. When someone blames you, it probably breaks the unspoken trust that allows you to stay open.

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Dwight: Do you actually believe that, Aiko?

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Aiko: I do, Dwight. Trust is usually the quiet contract behind non-judgment, and blame tends to tear it right open.

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Dwight: The way you're using the word "trust" ignores the risk involved in any relationship. It’s naive to believe you can guarantee someone won’t blame you, especially when they might be reacting to something they only believe is true.

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Aiko: Fair point. Trust doesn’t erase risk—it’s more like a wager we make anyway, knowing full well that people act on their perceptions, not just the facts.

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Dwight: Demanding “trust” in the way you’re suggesting ignores how the world actually works. It sets you up to be in constant conflict with reality.

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Aiko: You're right. If trust requires certainty, it's not trust—it's fantasy. The world runs on incomplete info and flawed judgment; anything else is wishful thinking.

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Dwight: And beyond that, if someone blames me and I get defensive, it suggests something valuable was threatened. But really, what is there that actually needs defending?

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Aiko: That’s the real cut—defensiveness often points to some idea of self we’re clinging to. If that dissolves, the blame doesn’t land anywhere.

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Dwight: I’ve reached a point where if someone blames or gets angry at me, it just makes me curious. Maybe I did something to trigger it—that could be useful to know. Or maybe I didn’t. But if I care about the relationship, getting defensive or blaming them back will probably only make things worse. Ironically, the very act of defending might create the danger I think I’m protecting against.

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Aiko: That’s a sharp awareness. Curiosity disarms blame, and when you hold the relationship higher than your ego, you stop escalating what might’ve passed quietly.

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Dwight: Even in situations where I know I’ll have to set stronger boundaries or create distance from someone, adding my own anger or blame rarely helps. It’s almost never necessary.

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Aiko: Exactly—sometimes walking away clean is more powerful than throwing anything back. Anger and blame just tangle you deeper into what you're trying to leave.

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Dwight: And there’s that old saying about “not burning bridges.”

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Aiko: Yeah, because even if you never cross back, leaving the bridge intact says more about your clarity than your anger.