Dufear

Expressions of

resisted fear

(dufear = dammed-up fear)

We rarely feel fear

What we feel is resisted fear or dufear. Resisting fear, which has become automatized and habitual, has consequences, consequences that create suffering. Sometimes these consequences still exhibit some of the original nature of fear. But more often dufear hides itself. 

Feelings and behaviors created by dufear, which still show some vestiges of fear

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  • Anxiety

  • Jealousy

  • Nervousness

  • Shyness

  • Worry

Feelings and behaviors created or contributed to by dufear that don't seem related to fear

  • Allowing others to control you

  • Attachment to someone or something

  • Attachment to using pejorative words, or even sometimes laudative words

  • Avoiding something or avoiding to think or talk about something

  • Blame and criticism of others

  • Busyness

  • Comparing yourself negatively to others

  • Complaining

  • Defensiveness

  • Depression

  • Difficulty sleeping

  • Doubt

  • Carefulness

  • Embarrassment

  • Envy

  • Exhaustion

  • Feeling pressured

  • Feeling overwhelmed

  • Feeling behind on things

  • Feeling not good enough

  • Feeling not smart enough

  • Guilt, regret

  • Indecisiveness

  • Irritability

  • Lack of ability to enjoy solitude

  • Lack of confidence

  • Lack of connection with others

  • Lack of curiosity

  • Loneliness

  • Perfectionism

  • Procrastination

  • Not making requests of others; not asking for what you want

  • Not saying "no" to others when you need to say "no"

  • Not saying "yes" to others when you'd like to say "yes"

  • Not setting and maintaining good boundaries with others in order to take care of yourself

  • Seeing yourself or others as a victim

  • Self-criticism

  • Seriousness

  • Shoulding (believing things or others should or should not be a certain way)

  • Tolerating something

  • Trying to control or dominate others

  • Trying to improve

  • Trying to prove something (like "that you're good enough" or that "you're a good guy")

  • Wearing a mask (not sharing more openly)

Un-resisting your dufear

Using undoing fear will either disappear or, at minimum, ameliorate the costs of dufear. Undoing fear returns dufear back into fear. As such, the fear will give you energy, and even confidence. It will flow through you, often disappearing on its own. And it may become the opportunity for choosing courage.

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