Dufear (cf. Fear)
Dufear is resisted fear or, as I say, “dammed-up fear.”
Almost all of what we call “fear” is corrupted fear; it is corrupted by resistance.
We have made fear the bad guy. Consequently, by the time we know that we are frightened, we are already resisting our fear. Worry is resisted fear. Indecisiveness is resisted fear. Shyness is resisted fear. Impatience is resisted fear. Even guilt is resisted fear. Without resistance, we would have no worry, no indecisiveness, no shyness, no impatience, no guilt.
Fear is not the problem
Fear is not the problem. Unresisted fear gives us energy and even confidence. My cat is very energetic and confident in her actions whenever she is frightened. And, when the “danger” is over, she is completely relaxed again.
Resisted fear is the problem. We need a word to distinguish unresisted fear from resisted fear. The word I have chosen to denote resisted fear is dufear (think “dammed-up fear,” pronounced doo-fear).
Imagine a beautiful river, expressing its energy (and confidence) with flowing water. Now suppose that you didn’t like flowing water, that you believed that flowing water was bad and wrong and damaging. To fix this problem, you learned to build dams (quickly) whenever you noticed the flowing water.
Dammed-up fear continually saps your energy
This “works” for a while. The water stops. But the pressure behind the dam builds. Then, instead of having the energy of the flowing water to serve your life, you now have to use additional energy to keep the water “safely” behind the dams you have built. You now have one part of you fighting with another part of you, sapping your resourcefulness. Predictably, any “success” in stopping the energy of the water is short-lived, because the water will find a way through or over the dam, expressing its natural energy. Then you will scramble again to plug the leaks or to build the dam higher.
When fear is left un-dammed, unresisted, the energy (and confidence) of it can be used as needed and the fear will dissipate when it is unneeded. In contrast, with dufear, no matter that the fear is no longer needed, the internal battle of fighting with yourself will continue indefinitely.
Un-damming our fear
Since our habit is to resist fear, we must act proactively to un-resist it. The undoing fear process is the quickest and easiest way to turn dufear into resourceful, un-corrupted fear. Undoing fear is always the first (of four steps) in choosing courage. Taking this step is immensely valuable whether or not any other steps are taken.
If I had named the process “undoing fear” with complete accuracy, I would have called it “undoing dufear.” Please provide this translation in your own mind whenever I refer to undoing fear.
90% is hidden
We can recognize some of our fears (dufears). We know that worry, anxiety, or being shy are types of fears. Some of us may even recognize that feeling pressured, overwhelmed, or stress are types of resisted fear.
But few of us recognize that feeling angry or defensive is an expression of dufear. We don't recognize that when we're trying to control others or get them to do "the right thing," this too is an expression of dufear. And virtually nobody recognizes that when we criticize ourselves, feel guilty, or feel we're not good enough, dufear is being expressed.