Dufear (cf. Fear)

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Resisted fear

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Dufear is what I call "dammed-up fear," meaning fear that we've resisted and held back.

 

Most of what we think of as "fear" is actually fear that's been changed by our resistance.

 

We've made fear the enemy. By the time we realize we're scared, we're already resisting it. Worry is resisted fear. Indecisiveness is resisted fear. Shyness is resisted fear. Impatience is resisting fear. Even guilt is resisted by fear. Without resisting our fear, we wouldn't have worry, indecisiveness, shyness, impatience, or guilt.

 

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Fear is not the problem

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Fear itself isn't the problem. In fact, unresisted fear can give us energy and confidence. For example, my cat becomes incredibly energetic and confident when she's scared. Once the danger passes, she's completely relaxed again.

 

The real issue is resisted fear. To make this distinction clear, I've coined the term "dufear" (think "dammed-up fear," pronounced doo-fear).

 

Picture a beautiful river, full of energy and confidence as it flows. Now, imagine you believed this flowing water was bad, wrong, or harmful. To stop it, you quickly built dams whenever you saw the water flowing.

 

 

Dammed-up fear continually saps your energy

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This “works” for a while. The water stops, but the pressure behind the dam builds up. Instead of harnessing the energy of the flowing water to enrich your life, you now have to use extra energy to keep it contained. This creates an internal tug-of-war, draining your resourcefulness. Any "success" in stopping the water's flow is short-lived, as the water will eventually find a way through or over the dam, reclaiming its natural energy. Then, you'll be frantically trying to plug the leaks or build the dam higher.

 

When fear is left un-dammed and unresisted, its energy and confidence become available for you to use as needed, and the fear naturally dissipates when it's no longer necessary. In contrast, with dufear, even when the original fear is gone, the internal struggle continues indefinitely.

 

 

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Un-damming our fear

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Since we tend to resist fear by habit, we need to take proactive steps to un-resist it. The process of "undoing fear" is the quickest and easiest way to transform dufear into resourceful, uncorrupted fear. Undoing fear is always the first step (out of four) in choosing courage. Taking this step is immensely valuable, even if you don't take any further steps.

 

If I had named the process more accurately, I would have called it "undoing dufear." Please keep this in mind whenever I refer to "undoing fear."

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90% is hidden

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We can identify some of our fears (dufears). We know that worry, anxiety, and shyness are types of fears. Some of us may even recognize that feeling pressured, overwhelmed, or stressed are forms of resisted fear.

 

But few of us realize that feeling angry or defensive is an expression of dufear. We don't recognize that when we're trying to control others or get them to do "the right thing," this too is dufear in action. And almost nobody sees that when we criticize ourselves, feel guilty, or feel we're not good enough, we're experiencing dufear.

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See Expressions of resisted fear.

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