The eyes have it

It's not always this easy

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When I was living in Hiroshima, Japan for three months in 1998, I met and fell in love with a woman named Hitomi. She liked me, but she was not in love with me. One day, while talking, I suggested a "game" to see what would happen. I said, "Let's just see if we can feel each other's soul while looking into each other's eyes." A few minutes later she told me she was in love with me.

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Such an easy, amazing process that we avoid

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Almost all of us have a sense of the feelings of closeness that might occur when connecting with another's soul, while gazing into their eyes. However, we either avoid thinking of or suggesting this because it would be a choice of courage to do so, both to suggest it and to do it. Or we don't even think of it because of our "busy life."

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Not only would the practice of soul-to-soul eye-gazing enhance the chances of creating a new romantic relationship, it could be even more important as a regular routine to maintain or deepen the feelings of connection in an already existing relationship.

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Keep it quick and simple

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Some spiritual disciplines have ritualized this idea. Search "eye-gazing exercises" on Google and you'll find sundry options to explore. For myself, I like a quicker, simpler process, taking only a minute or two, to connect with my partner.

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Choosing courage

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First, recognize that it may be a choice of courage for you to either suggest or participate in a soul-to-soul with your partner. Use the undoing fear or RAFTS process to make it easy to choose this courage. Many of us fear allowing another to see our vulnerability. We also may have a concern that we could frighten our partner by suggesting such an exercise.

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Create a space of comfort, with no time pressures. To start, as you begin to gaze gently into your partner's eyes, bring yourself to now. Imagine there's no past. Let go of the idea that you have a future. All that exists is right now with this person in this moment. Breathe into that idea and feeling.

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Assuming a man-woman partnership, as man, gazing into the soul of your partner, feel and see her femininity. Become subtly aware of her desire to feel safe, cherished and adored and make her feel that through the gentle power of your gaze. As a woman, as you look into the soul of this man, feel and see his masculinity. Intend that, through the power of your eyes that you can fulfill his desire to feel powerful, respected, and admired.

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Each time you do this with your partner have a prior understanding of about how long you'll continue to connect in this way, whether it be a minute or five minutes.

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Kick start it

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If you want to ensure that you do this regularly, use kick starting a mental habit to set this up.