How to talk about the elephant

How to talk about the elephant

A man with a sty in his eye

My client told me that recently he got a pretty nasty-looking sty in his eye. The doctor said it would clear up in a few days but my client had to attend a business mixer where he needed to engage in a lot of different conversations with other participants at the event. He felt awkward about how he imagined himself looking to others.

I suggested the following.

Talking about the low-battery elephant

Talking about the blind elephant

Talking about the elephant in chains (a high school algebra teacher to her students)

Talking about the unrequited elephant

Talking about the unwanted elephant

Talking about the beautiful elephant

Talking about the you-have-no-chance-with-me elephant

Talking about the stupid elephant

Talking about the untrustworthy elephant

Talking about the do-I-have-a-chance elephant

Talking about the atheistic elephant

Talking about the "we disagree" elephant (in a negotiating context)

Talking about other elephants

A variation of the "atheistic elephant" self-disclosure might work for anyone who wants to reveal being gay, lesbian, progressive, conservative, Catholic, Protestant. or any other category that we humans tend to use that separates "us" from "them."

The above examples were rendered with a bit of humor. They could work just as well if spoken more matter-of-factly.

Final note: for those of you who are not native English speakers, let me explain the idiom "the elephant in the room." This phrase refers to a significant issue, problem, or controversial matter that is obvious or well-known to everyone present but is deliberately ignored or avoided in conversation because it is uncomfortable, embarrassing, or potentially divisive.

"Hi, John. I’m Paul, also known as 'the guy with the sty.' But honestly, I’m tired of talking about my glamorous eye accessory. So, if it’s all the same to you, let’s skip that and dive into something more interesting—what brought you to this event tonight?"

"Great to see you, Jill. Fair warning: I’m running on low battery today, but don’t worry, it’s nothing a good chat can’t fix. I’m all ears, ready to enjoy our conversation—even if I’m a bit quieter than usual.

Sound like a plan?"

"You might've picked up on the fact that I can't see you. Actually, I see that as a bonus—it means I can really tune in and get the full audio experience of getting to know you better. Sounds good, right?"

"What's the game plan, team? I know some of you only signed up for this algebra adventure because it's on the required list, not because you dream in numbers. And let’s be honest, it’s no picnic teaching a subject to folks who’d rather be elsewhere. But since fate has thrown us together, why not make the most of it? Let’s see if we can sprinkle a little fun into these formulas and make this class a win-win.

Are you with me?"

"Mia, you might not fall off your chair to hear this, but I've had a bit more than a schoolboy crush on you. But hey, our friendship is my jackpot, and I totally get that romance isn't in the cards for us. I'm honestly just thrilled to be friends, no bonus round expected.

We good with that?"

"Hi, Aunt Mary. I'm sure a few eyebrows went up when I walked in

—yes, the family's black sheep has arrived at the wedding! If you're interested in why I am here, I'm happy to share about that. But honestly, I'm way more interested in your news. What's been happening in your world? It feels like ages since we've caught up!"

"Mr. Robertson, I'm Ms. Stevensen, the CEO at The Sinclair Consortium. Before we dive into the heart of our discussion, I need to clear the air for my own peace of mind, okay? Apologies if this comes off as unnecessary.

I've often been told I'm a knockout. Flattering, sure, but today, I'm here strictly to knock out a fantastic business deal with you—one that'll benefit both our companies tremendously. Sound good?"

"Brad, can you forgive me if I accidentally step on a landmine here? Thanks a bunch. So, here's the thing—I might be way off base, but I've been getting this vibe that maybe, just maybe, you see us as more than just trivia night buddies. If that's the case, color me flattered! But truly, I treasure our friendship as it is and I’m not looking to change that.

If we venture beyond that, I fear our buddy ship might sink,

and I really don’t want to lose what we have.

So, what do you say, are we still in the friend zone?"

"Jacob, I need your help. You're obviously a wizard in this area, and here I am, just a mere muggle trying to understand your magic. I'm really keen to get this, but it might mean pausing you now and then to break things down into bite-sized, kid-friendly pieces. Is it okay if we go at a snail's pace, even if it means I'll be asking you to explain things like I'm ten? Would that be okay with you even though it would slow things down?"

"You don’t really know me, and we haven’t exactly made history together, so I get why you’d be cautious. I’d be just as wary if our roles were reversed. But, who knows? If you do a bit of detective work and find out I’m as trustworthy as I claim, this could turn out to be a win-win. How about we take this one step at a time, checking that my actions match my pitch? And hey, if at any point you want to hit the brakes, just say the word, and I’ll respect that. Sound like a plan?"

"Cassidy, I’ve got a confession, and you’ve probably been onto me despite my best efforts at espionage. Let me start by saying how lucky I am to have you as a friend—it’s like winning the lottery without buying a ticket. I treasure our friendship and wouldn’t trade it for the world.

But here’s the twist: part of me has been quietly wondering if there might be a chance for something...more between us. I’ve been playing hide and seek with these feelings because I value our friendship above all, and honestly, I didn’t want to scare you off with my hopeful musings.

So here’s my grand plan: if you tell me straight up that ‘more’ isn’t in the cards, I’ll drop it faster than a hot potato. We can close that chapter and keep our awesome friendship rolling without any awkwardness. Feel free to grill me with any questions, or let me know your thoughts.

What do you say?"

Nice to see you again, Mary. Brace yourself—I’ve been doing some Olympic-level mental gymnastics about whether to tell you something. It’s a real brain-twister! So here goes: I’m an atheist. Yep, I’ve been keeping that under wraps, not because I think it’s a big deal in our friendship, but because I wasn’t sure how much weight you’d put on it, considering your Christian faith means a lot to you.

From where I’m standing, it seems like we get along just fine, despite not seeing eye-to-eye on this. I’m not in the business of trying to convert anyone, and I hope we’re on the same page there. I just wanted to ditch the fear that you might give me the side-eye over this, even though you’ve given zero signs of being that sort of person.

So, how about we continue enjoying our great friendship without any belief baggage? Sound good?

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"You know, John, I don't think that either of us would be here if we didn't think there's a good chance we could come up with a mutually beneficial understanding, right? In order to facilitate that, I suggest that we first agree upon those areas or points where in seems that we currently disagree. Then we can also identify where we already have alignment and agreement. Don't you think that would be helpful?

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