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Making Requests

The importance of requests

Making a request and saying "no," when you want or need to make a request or to say "no," are fundamental to creating and maintaining a life that you will love, including have the best relationships with others. Consistency in doing this is essential to fulfilling your #1 job in life, taking care of yourself, as well as having the best possible relationships with others. See the OOI toolkit.

Making requests expresses itself in many variations

Making requests may done in many different ways and take on various forms, each of which will be further modified by circumstance or context. These variations may be described or expressed by or through the words of:

  • Beg (I beg you...)

  • Consider (Please consider...)

  • Correct (Correct this by...)

  • Complaint (Complaint is often an indirect way of making a request)

  • Criticism (Criticism is often an indirect way of making a request)

  • Demands (I demand that you...)

  • Invitations (I invite you to...)

  • Marketing

  • No (as an example, sometimes a woman says "no" to a man and it's an invitation, although he may not pick up on it) to continue chasing her)

  • Offer (I offer you... every item that is on the market, for example every items on the shelves of a supermarket, is a separate offer)

  • Order (I order you to...)

  • Order (I order some food...)

  • Partnership conversation (if initiated is a request and other requests are likely to be made inside of that conversation)

  • Plead (I plead with you...)

  • Please (Please...)

  • Put food down (I'm putting my foot down...)

  • Require/requirement (I require of you... It's a requirement...)

  • Selling (Would you like to buy...)

  • Sign an agreement

  • Suggestion (I suggest that you...)

  • Why (a request for information)

  • Why (a "blaming" why, which may be a request for an apology)

These variations have more specific names or nuances, all of which are affecte by circumstanc

like "invitations," "offers," or "commands."

"Should I worry about your remembering to..." "Thank you for the reassurance."

"I want you to say no if it's not something you're comfortable with."

"I want you to say no if you don't think you'd enjoy doing it independent of it helping me out."

"No rush, and it would be helpful to have a sense of when you would be ready."

"No rush, and can you give me an outside date of when I could check with you if I haven't received that yet?"

"Honey, it would make me feel good if you could..."

request for job (include what not good at)

For someone more important present clearly both side "as if"

assertion and accommodation

Tone of voice, rapport

risk of making requests (and not making requests)

mutual self-interest assumption

intrusive or sensitive

"it's okay to say no, your choice"