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What do women want?
What do men want?

Give what they want and you'll get what you want

We could list hundreds of things that women want from men as well as what men want from women.

But there are three fundamentals, going each way, which when fulfilled almost always guarantee that the other person will easily love you back.

Most fundamentally, what do women want from men?

Let's start with women. If a man can make a woman feel...


  • safe,

  • cherished,

  • and adored,


it's almost impossible that woman won't love him back.

Most fundamentally, what do men want from women?

In contrast, if a woman can make a man feel...


  • powerful,

  • respected,

  • and admired,


he will easily fall and stay in love with her.

Customization is important

Of course, there are many ways and methods to support these expressions and they may vary from one man to the next, and from one woman to the next. For example, what makes one man feel powerful, for example the woman saying "you're so strong" will not be so important for another man, who responds better to "you're so clever".

More about women

Let's look at various ways that a man might make a woman feel safe. Of course, if he cherishes and adores her, that also contributes significantly to her feeling safe. 

One common way that a man can make a woman feel safe is by his status in society, whether that be expressed in his wealth, his ability, his power, or his reputation. It's a truism that women are attracted to men of wealth and power. 

Another, often less appreciated way that a man can make a woman feel safe is by the way he listens to her. Does he listen non-judgmentally, encouraging her to express herself openly, accepting her just the way she is and just the way she is not? A man who is an interested and empathetic listener will always make a woman feel safe.

Men often mistakenly default to their "let me help you fix it" strategies with women

Is he careful to listen first and only after his woman feels fully listened, then offer some advice, if wanted. Men tend to be fix-it machines. If he jumps in right away trying to fix her problem, she is likely to feel misunderstood and not cared for.

Women need on-going reassurance

Another way that a man can make a woman feel safe, as well as and cherished and adored, is to realize that his woman needs on-going reassurance about his caring. A man can easily think, "I already told her I love her. I show it in my actions. Why does she keep wanting me to say it again and again?" Men, this is just how most women are. It's actually a pretty easy thing to address. Be creative. Think of little things you can surprise her with, like kissing behind her ear. Yes, it's possible to overdo it. But most men never even get close to that point. Also, make sure you know her love languages and focus on using those to make her feel safe, cherished, and adored.

More about men

Now let's look at ways that a woman might make a man feel powerful, respected, and admired. 

First, we should understand how it's so important for a man to feel that he has something to do with his woman being happy. If a man feels that he is either unable or unwilling to do what it takes to make his woman happy, he feels powerless regarding her. It's sometimes said, "A happy woman makes a happy man." The reverse is not necessarily true.

A lot of the power that a man can feel with a women involves the sense that he is making a difference for her. Here are a few examples:

  • A woman says to her man, "How did you know that?! That's amazing."

  • Or, "When you put your arms around me, I feel so safe."

  • Or, after making love, "How do you know my body so well!"

All these expressions make a man feel power in making his woman happy.

A smart woman will keep her man feeling a bit unsafe


Another important way that a woman can make her man feel powerful is counter-intuitive.

Without a sense of on-going challenge, a man can lose interest or start to take his woman for granted


She needs to keep him on the edge. She needs to keep him hungry. The most important way that men feel power is through the feeling of risk and challenge. Why do men like sports so much? Why are men so into computer games? Why do men like action movies? Why are men so into being successful in business? These "games" continuously provide and sense of risk and challenge where it's possible to feel a sense of power.

Why is it typically so special at the beginning? 

Characteristically, men feel this sense of power when chasing a woman. He feels he has some chance, but it's not for sure. This stage, the "courting" period, of the relationship is exciting for both the man and woman.


But once the woman says, "Okay, I'm yours," the chasing is over. ​She just ended the game. Even though it can be said that the man still loves the woman, it now becomes almost a chore for him to keep expressing that love so that the woman feels safe and adored. Also, after the woman says, "I'm yours," they start spending more time together or even living together. In China, the proverb goes, "Distance creates beauty." Both the man and woman often start to notice those not so beautiful things about each other. Westerners have the proverb, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

For most women, it doesn't come naturally, after they've agreed to a committed relationship, to keep their man on edge. Our default is to give to others what we want ourselves. Women want to feel safe. They assume men need this. Yet, when they give this to men, it often removes the excitement and spark from the relationship.

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