For two years it was easy: both Dwight-Now and Dwight-Next were happy

 

Near the beginning of 2001 I had been working on my book, “Courage: the Choice that Makes the Difference–Your Key to a Thousand Doors” for over two years. Up until that point, working on the book, writing the different essays and sharing those with friends, had been easy and fun. Dwight-Next and Dwight-Now had been on the same page (LOL).

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Then it got hard

 

But then it was time to start the editing, the formatting, and all the detailed stuff. Dwight-Next was pleased with our progress and was eager to get the book finished. Dwight-Now’s response to editing was, “This is boring...this is no fun.”

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Asking the right question

 

By this time in my life, I had become insightful enough to know that I could not continue unless I could get Dwight-Now on board. Consequently, Dwight-Next kept asking the question, “How could we set it up so that Dwight-Now could enjoy the process of editing and getting the detailed stuff finished?”

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Finding a “book listener” in Shanghai

 

Three weeks passed before I came up with an idea that Dwight-Now was excited about trying. I put an ad in a Shanghai site, advertising for a “book listener.” (I lived in Shanghai from the end of the year 2000 to the end of the year 2009). I got a lot of responses to the ad. The Chinese who were responding to my ad were willing to work for a nominal amount because they knew it was a good chance to improve their oral English by working with a native English speaker.

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I started our relationship with a lie

 

This is how it went down. On the first day that a new young Chinese woman (usually a university student) would come to my apartment, I would lie to her. Sitting to her left, in front of my computer, I would say, “As I am reading my book out loud, your job is to make suggestions as to how the English writing could be improved.”

She feels guilty

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She doesn’t think she’s helping. As we were working together, I was making many editing changes and quite pleased with the process and progress. She was enjoying listening to me as I read the English sentences out loud. Sometimes I would explain the meaning of a word to her that she was not sure about. After two days, she had made no suggestions as how to improve the English (she wasn’t a native speaker...so I really didn’t expect her to notice any changes that I hadn’t noticed myself). But, having not made any suggestions, she became uncomfortable and said to me, “I am so sorry, but I don’t think I am helping you any.”

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Telling her the naked truth

 

At this point, after two days, I knew she felt comfortable and safe with me (she knew I was a “good man”). So I told her the full truth. “You’re helping so much. Because, if I can have a young, attractive Chinese woman sit beside me and listen to me while I am doing something, I can enjoy anything!” This made sense to her, relieved her concern about her lack of helpfulness, and we were able to continue to work together.

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Dwight-Next + Dwight-Now = Dwight wins

 

This is how I got my book finished (it was published in 2004). Dwight-Next was happy and Dwight-Now was quite eager to work with Dwight-Next in doing all the detailed work required to finish the book.

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Calling on creativity

 

Sometimes creativity is essential in finding ways that Next and Now can work in partnership. Stock answers don’t always fit. Whenever Dwight-Next has a new idea for something he wants to accomplish, the second question we need to answer, before we make any firm decisions for action, is, “How can Dwight-Now enjoy the process or processes likely involved in going for this result?” Often, I can work out the answer(s) to that question quickly. But, on occasion, an answer doesn’t come quickly. I keep exploring the question, using my creativity, maybe asking others for their ideas, maybe brainstorming, whatever it takes to find a way or ways for Dwight-Now to enjoy the process. See the NNI toolkit for a buffet of methods to create and support Now-Next integrity.

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“Slavery” has been outlawed

 

If Dwight-Next, while consulting with Dwight-Now, cannot find a way for Dwight-Now to enjoy the process, then Dwight-Next chooses courage (if needed) to let go of his idea. Otherwise, it’s a type of “slave labor,” which, earlier in my life I believed in and Dwight-Next was willing to try to force Dwight-Now into submission to do what Dwight-Next wanted. Dwight-Next would use fear, blame, insistence on toleration and any other forceful means to try to get Dwight-Now to buckle under (sometimes “successfully” and often not). No more. Dwight-Next has learned to show respect and consideration for what Dwight-Now wants. It has to be a win-win; otherwise no deal.

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The source of creativity

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“Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up.”

-Pablo Picasso

 

You may have noticed that, in the above story, I talked some about creativity, but it was not the central point. The central point was more about the value and importance of creating Now-Next integrity.

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Yet as Picasso said, "Every child is an artist...," he could have just as validly said, "Every child is creative, the problem is staying creative when you grow up." 

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Now = Child

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Throughout all my writings, I most often use the words Now or your Now or Dwight-Now to distinguish that part of us that is responsible for loving and enjoying the now and the near now. In every instance that I reference Now, I could have substituted (without loss of denotation) Child or your Child or Dwight-Child, meaning that child within all of us that we have generally tried to dominate, control, and even disown.

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Unleashing your creativity

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Consequently, in the process of your Next showing respect to your Now and creating more and more Now-Next integrity, the creativity of your Child will naturally blossom.

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Related links:

Courage

Sleep

Undoing perfectionism

Undoing shoulds