What are the “Four Cornerstones of Courage”?

 

Courage, to be fully exercised and empowered, includes four sequential, interwoven, yet distinct, expressions.

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The first cornerstone of courage

 

The first expression of courage is choosing to embrace and embody our fear. Because resistance to fear is automatic for all of us, here's one of the best ways to embrace fear. First, consciously, take several deep breaths, visualizing the fear flowing through you without resistance; then continuing to breathe deeply, shout, speak, or whisper in a silly voice several times, as loudly as the situation allows,

“Holy moly and jeepers weepers, I'm so scared...”. End the sentence with a short expression of what you're frightened of, as in, "Holy moly and jeepers weepers, I'm so scared I'm not going to get the promotion!"

 

See Undoing fear for a full description.

 

Many of us exercise courage, yet, in omitting this first expression of courage, we have adopted the stiff-upper-lip approach to courage.

 

Without embracing the fear, we disempower ourselves by using our resources to fight our fear rather than tap into its energy to vitalize our commitments and deepest desires.

 

Choosing to embrace your fear is the first cornerstone of courage.

 

The second cornerstone of courage

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The second expression of courage is choosing to honor yourself for choosing courage before each act of courage. This is most easily done, right after you have embraced your fear, by getting in touch with your “five-year-old” within.

 

Consider the idea that it’s not your adult who is frightened. It’s your five-year-old who is frightened.

 

After getting in touch with your five-year-old, (use a picture of yourself from that age, if helpful), say to him or her,

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“I can see and feel that you are frightened.

“It’s okay to feel frightened.

“I really appreciate and admire you for your choice to feel your fear and to take this action while feeling your fear.”

 

Express this to your child until you can feel that she or he feels admired and appreciated by you, the adult.

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Most of us let our “courage muscles” wither and weaken by not consistently honoring ourselves each time that we exercise courage.

 

Choosing to honor yourself for exercising courage is the second cornerstone of courage.

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The third cornerstone of courage

 

The third expression of courage, the one we usually associate with courage, is choosing to act (or not act if that's what requires courage) in service to our commitments and deepest desires in the face of fear.

 

Choosing to act in the face of your fear is the third cornerstone of courage.

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The fourth cornerstone of courage

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The last cornerstone is similar to the second, but it's essential to finish out the "sandwich."

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After you have taken the action, regardless of the outcome, get back in touch with your five-year-old child

and again express your appreciation and admiration for the courage he or she has just finished exercising.

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Remember that courage exists independent of the outcome. In becoming so attached to the outcome,

we disempower ourselves in actually getting the outcome!

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See Confidence to get a more nuanced understanding of the relationship between choosing courage and gaining confidence.

 

If you will look for opportunities to choose courage each day, if you will practice courage daily, including all four of its expressions, then you will transform your relationship to fear (and to yourself) within a month!

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"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do."

–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

 

"You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You’re confusing courage with wisdom."

–unknown

 

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage."

–Anais Nin (1903-1977, writer)