Looking at Mia and you don't need to know anything else!

I think you already know about me. I'm called the Imp-Boy guy, you know, and and uh and I think we don't need to do any introductions of Mia here. Her you just look at her and that tells the whole story, right? Anyway, so but Mia, you have I I think I've heard you have a thing called you have problems too, right? Even with somebody with your good looks, right? Okay. Yeah. So, tell me about tell me about your problems.

 

What about my job and my future?

So, right now I'm on probation for my companies and I don't You're on what? I'm on the probation. Probation period. Yeah. Just two months. That sounds dangerous. Probation. Okay. Go ahead. And there is one thing about the job that I don't like that it doesn't use English because I think that u my strength is English. I should use English to speak. You should use English. Yeah. Yeah. And to earn a lot of money from it. But right now my job is just like um like like average salary but doesn't require to use English that much. Not using it. So this job is maybe a short-term for me because it's it I it offers me the salary so I can pay my bills and my debt but long term I don't think so. So that is my problem. Well it's short-term but so you I don't understand. So right now it's still short-term right? When does the long-term start? I don't know yet. Maybe you don't know when the long-term starts. Yeah. But you said short-term is okay, but long. So, so the problem here is figure out when long term starts. Is that the problem? I think so. You think so? You don't seem so sure about this. You know, this is your life, not mine. You're supposed to know the questions about your life, right? But anyway, um so all right.

 

I decide to check out some fundamentals with Mia cause she is so messed up between short-term and long-term...

So,oh, maybe we should go back to the fundamentals. You know, I know I know you know the fundamentals, but you know, sometimes we don't. Hey, I'm up here. I'm up beside you. Okay. Sometimes we don't. Do you What is the purpose of your life, man? I want to live a healthy and happy life. Healthy. Both of them. for you. You greedy. Okay. Healthy and happy. Okay. All right. So, and um so this job you got now, is it a happy job? Um is is quite it's quite easy like cuz I don't You're not answering my question. I asked you a heck job. I didn't ask anything about easy. Do do you know about questions and listening to questions? Do you believe in dialogue?

 

Checking to ensure that Mia's believes in dialogue...

Do you know? Yeah. Um, let me answer it again. Okay. I give you second chance. Well, uh, yes. Yes. Yes. What? It's You're happy with the job? Yes. So, what's the problem then? The problem is it don't bring me a lot of money, which I Well, fuck money or it will fuck you. Money doesn't give you happiness. You're already happy, right? What do you need money for? Are you think you have enough to eat? Yeah, I I have enough food to eat at. But in a long term, I I don't think I happy with this job. You're not long term. It's short term. We already just We already just The long term is not till later, right? It's not now yet, right? Yeah. Maybe the long term will never come and you're always in the short term and you're happy now. Do you you're you think you're going to need more money later than you need now? Yeah. Well, what are you going to do? Buy a big boat or something? I will buy a house here. Why do you want what? What do you want a house for? Why is that going to make you more happy? Yes. You're not happy enough. You mean more happy? Right now, it's just like just just because I don't want to live with my parents. Oh. Oh, you're living with parents.

 

Mia's got those ambitious plans for her future...

That's not a happy time living with parents. Well, because my house is kind of like tiny and my brother will get married soon and we don't have room for me anymore. So, I have to live somewhere else. You have to? Well, you know, I probably get husband later and you probably get a husband. Yeah. And I probably have kids, so I need a bigger Okay. space, you know, to have my own family. Okay. You know, you have these things called goals, right? Yes. I heard about those. Well, what what what do the why do you have these goals here? Hey, get me back in the picture. Hey, I'm supposed to be in the picture here. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Good. All right. So, your goals. What What is good? What good are these goals? If you're happy, if you're already happy now, why do you need goals? Because because because you know we have because I'm quite ambitious. So you're you're what? Like ambitious. You're a teacher. No, I'm quite ambitious person. So I want to get more and more like ambitious. Yes. Oh, ambitious person. one of those. Okay. So, ambitious. I ambitious. That's is that a is that like a description of Mia that will always be the truth and like so she just has to be ambitious. There's no choice about whether she's ambitious or not. I just want to make sure that we know I know what ambitious what it means to say Mia is ambitious. You have no choice about it. You just like being ambitious. Is that what you mean? Yeah, I like to be ambitious. Oh, okay. So, you like playing those ambitious games? Yeah. And one of your ambitious games is like getting that husband, maybe those kids and those houses, right? Yeah. Any other any other ambitious games? Well, I uh

I like to earn a lot of money. So, Oh, money. How much money? M maybe 30 million a month. 30 million. Yeah. By the way, that's Vietnamese Dong, guys.

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Mia wants to make 30 million a month!

I don't know how much that is in money, but dollars. Anyway, so 30 million, that's big bucks in Vietnam, right? You you're going to be a millionaire or 30 million a month. You're going to be 30 millionaire. Wow. How do you God? I I'm not even a millionaire yet in US dollars. How how do you get ahead of me anyway? Uh but okay, 30 million. So we got 30 million on the way, right? So all right. So now that I know and so this is part of being ambitious woman. This is that you like this type of happiness that comes from from going playing these games to go after the money and go after the husband and kids and stuff like that, right? Playing the mommy games, right? And you're not laughing this. Are you sure you want this stuff? Uh, well, are you trying to prove something? Oh, I think you're trying to prove something that I can't. What are you trying to prove, Mia? Baby, I'm sorry. Mia, I forgot who you are. You got a boyfriend. Sorry. It's okay. Oh, wow. That's okay. Never mind.

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I get suspicious...maybe Mia thinks she needs to prove something...

All right. So, what are you trying to prove? So, I wanted to prove with myself that I can earn a lot of money and I can buy a house here. Well, why don't you just assume you can? Then you don't have to prove it. Wouldn't that be a lot easier? Yeah. Why? Like, well, what the fun of you know you can, right? Yeah. So, why do you have to prove it? Cuz if he's not there yet, then I don't think that I I can like, you know, have like like something that I can see like the proof that like the evidence that I can do it. And then after you prove it, then then what's that going to give you? Huh? Like, hey, I'm up in there on the screen. I'm not beside you. We got to get this text stuff. Yeah. Never mind. Oh, I'm I'm so bad. I'm so sorry, my audience. No, I'm not sorry. But go ahead. So, after you prove all this stuff, what's that going to give you? Uh, there'll be more to prove after that, won't there? Yeah. So, it's never going to be enough, is it? Yeah, I think so. Is that fun, shit? Is that fun? You think that's fun? I I think he's fun. Like is that happy? Is that part of happiness? Proving improving and proving improving and never enough. Is that does it that bring happiness?

 

So reluctantly, I break the bad news to Mia: the more she proves she is good enough the more it confirms the toxic fairytale that she has to prove something...it's like taking more heroin to make you feel like you can do without more of it..

Well, um sometimes it's a it's one of those pyrrhic victories. You ever heard of those per victories I told you about? Yeah. Struggle, struggle, struggle. I got it. finally got it. Yeah. You like those pyrrhic victories, right? Then you prove and then you prove forever and then you're on your deathbed. You wish, oh, I didn't get to this yet. Then then your your children will be expected to to prove after you what you didn't prove. You know, you'll you'll bring them up to to you know, I heard a lot of parents do that. They they they didn't reach their goals and then then they give the kids to reach them instead, you know. Wow. And it just goes on and on for generations. Is that that's not what you is that what you're going to do with your kids? No. No. You You're just going to prove it all by in your own lifetime and not leave anything to them. Cuz cuz just I just want them to live the life that they want. Oh, but you but not for you. I appreciate it. Okay. But they but they're they have freedom. They're you're you think you can give them freedom. So you're going to and you're going to be such a great example of of freedom. In other words, you expect them to listen to what you say and not what you do. What's a Haven't you heard that kids pay more attention to what their parents do than what they said? I don't know that. You think you you think kids are stupid? They listen to what their parents say instead of their what the parents do. I think they they do both, but like the parents will filter it the way that they want the kids to know.

 

Mia blinds herself into thinking her kids are going to listen to what she says instead of modeling their mother's behavior...

And you think the your kids can pull the parents can pull the wool over their kids' eyes that that you're really happy and you're not trying to prove things. Oh my god, you're a better actor than I am. Do you think you Well, I maybe I'm not Maybe I'm making the problem worse. Mia, do you think I I can't I think I got you into more shit tonight out of this boy.

Any What's your assessment of this so far? Uh well um well you know it's kind of bring me to uh the fundamental thing the reason why that I want to earn money and sort of stuff like that. The reason you want to earn money is Yeah. Prove to prove that you're good enough, right? Yeah. Okay. And when did you decide that you weren't good enough or you had to prove things?

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Inside of trying to prove something, you can only win pyrrhic games...

Do you remember you know from what you said that not theory about it? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. like from what you said like you know the only purpose of my life is to live h healthily and happily and I already have at this time but I want more so well it's fun it is and part of the joy of life is playing the games but if the games are to prove things like it can just Maybe they've like I don't know, you're playing a a game of cards. I mean, maybe you're trying to prove you're the best poker player or something. I don't know. You could be. But you can just play for fun of the it. You wouldn't necessarily have to prove you're a great poker player, right? Can you get how much more satisfying that might be of enjoying the game to play the game that way? like without it's it's without having to prove. It's not about proving because proving is almost like I'm not good enough and I'm playing the game to try to get up to being good enough. But the more the trouble with that game, it's based upon the belief that you're not good enough, that there's something wrong. And so in actually the more you try to prove it, the more you confirm the the totally incorrect belief. So you can't even get up to zero.

 

Almost all of us, it seems, decide that "something must be wrong with us," and then end up spending the rest of our life trying to prove that wrong..

That makes you think you can because you reaffirm that it's got us you know and uh and but it's all based on the original idea of like something's wrong with us like we've sinned you know it's like it's like I one of my earliest teachers he get people sense completion If I'm not a bad girl and I never was. If I'm not a bad girl and I never was. If I if I if I never had the, you know, there was nothing like there's nothing nothing to do. I keep like I'm proving that can leave you say what what the fuck would I do if I didn't have to prove something because you're if you're basing all your motivation on proving things and yeah, there is a certain satisfaction in I'm not saying there's not. Okay. But it's like, would we want to do anything at all? I think we would. Okay. I think we'd gone. We'd be all over the place. Look at little kids. Look at the little kids. They where they haven't got to the point where they're believing these things wrong. You know, they got plenty of things to do, right? There's no lack of things they want to do, play this game, or whatever.

 

How does it seem so easy to add something, but almost impossible to subtract something (for example, undo a false belief we have built our life upon)...

So, There's a question. Well, it's almost, you know, this is one of those really very easy, super difficult problems. Like how do you do that? Because it's not about doing. It's actually about undoing. It's about unbelieving. It's like the beginning, really getting nothing And by the way, it doesn't mean you won't get satisfaction in these things. You can get but you can get deep real fun and satisfaction, you know, and not and so and also much easier to take care of yourself and take care of others and and and be like kids are going to turn out the way they turn out anyway pretty much regardless of adults in a sense.

 

Even still somewhat inside a life of "proving things," it can still be pretty good...

But you know, but like that be that example of of mother. I'm sure you already be a great mother. Of course you are. But but what a what amazing gift you're a mother who's just happy with life. Just happy life. Yeah. And and then you're having kids, not to try to prove anything to the kids, you know, because hey, if you're trying to prove something like then your kids maybe even, you know, you say you're going to give them all this freedom, it's there. They're there in some ways to prove you're good enough. You know, that's going to be pretty hard to keep from them, you know. 

 

I know, I know...we didn't really address the relatively minor issue of your current "short-term" job, I had to pounce on the big issue you didn't directly ask me anything about...

So I know we just maybe did we do we got we got our so would you would it make sense to you say we got ourselves all the way to a an undoing issue like now I know we didn't we didn't address in some way at all about whether this job or we'd go into another job but Those are actually very minor things you know they were take care of themselves and you just you just get me there's nothing just it's just it's just it's just everything and also you're starting from now. It's not the see all this stuff is based upon something to make up from the past.

 

If you start from where you are, it always turns out to be the perfect place to start from...

You know there's nothing to make up for is like the past is bad and you're at the perfect place. Like this is the perfect place. You're at the perfect place to startyour life right now. And it's just from here and from here and from here and like and like where everything's changed like restart to wherever you are again and again. Just this is beautiful. Anything else to be complete for today? Nothing. Thank you for saying and for coaching this problem to me. What is your takeaway from today? That that proving always proving is not always bring me these satisfactions that I want. And also let's look at the purpose like the core purpose in my life and reflect from it like if I'm actually happy from now then I should enjoy it instead of looking at the future and chasing the future. Yeah. Well and also undo. Yeah. And folks enjoy the journey like put the journey first you know journey first. Yeah. And the results just fall out of that you know you Yeah. But you still get results, you know, but the but you're already loving the journey. So even when you don't get results, because if if you're if you're doing it prove and you you don't enjoy the journey and then you don't get the result, then you're really fucked. Yeah. You know, although that's probably better than when you don't enjoy the journey and do get the results because then it then validates doing that that stuff again, you know. Enjoy the journey. Keep putting that and taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself. It's been such an honor and pleasure today. Thank you.