Quitting: an occasion to celebrate

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Just as starting something new is an occasion to celebrate, quitting when we should quit, is just a much a reason to.

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When my younger brother shared with our mother that he had decided to leave his wife (he later married the love of his life), my brother and mother went out to dinner to celebrate.

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Perseverance as a perversion

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Perseverance. Don’t give up. Never say die. Determination. Tenacity. Loyalty. Through thick and thin. Persistence. At any price. Always do your best. Spare no effort. Leave no stone unturned. Spare no pains. Go through fire and water. Always keep one’s word. Remember the “Little Engine that Could”!

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These are the messages we hear and accept from the earliest age. They become a part of our identity. And when we see ourselves in full or partial violation of these messages, we often think badly or feel ashamed of ourselves.

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Our attachment to perseverance makes life hard (and even horrific)

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Give up. Call it quits. Be a quitter. If it’s not working, get out. If it doesn’t fit you, try something else. If there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, maybe it’s the wrong tunnel. If it doesn’t feel easy, it may not be the right way, anyway. Cancel your word. Knowing when to fold them is one of the secrets to a successful life.

These are typically the messages that we don’t hear and would consider heretical if we did.

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Honoring unconditionally the idea of perseverance blinds us to costs and missed opportunities

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Perseverance is great, but not all the time and not in every situation.

 

How many lives would have been saved if Japanese and German leaders had recognized that they were obviously going to lose the war and surrendered much earlier than they did?

 

How many lives would have been saved if the leaders of the United States had acknowledged what was so clearly an un-winnable war in Vietnam and pulled out years earlier?

 

How many loveless, tortured lives, for both parents (and sometimes children), are unnecessarily endured because the spouses are unwilling to declare their marriage unworkable?

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By always relying on the simplistic formula of perseverance, we avoid the challenge of thinking for ourselves and making difficult and courageous choices based on the context, new information, circumstances that have changed, and our deepest desires and commitments. Otherwise, we are fighting with reality.

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A thousand to two

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For the thousands of proverbs and quotations that praise perseverance and condemn quitting, I found found only two quotations that come down clearly on the side of quitting.

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Wisdom and courage are required to “…know when to hold them, know when to fold them; know when to walk away, know when to run…knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep…”. Thank you, Kenny Rogers (from the lyrics of The Gambler).

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How about this one by W.C. Fields, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it."

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Honor yourself for the courage to quit.

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See also

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Quitaverance

Quitaverance: knowing when to quit

Quitaverance: knowing when to walk away

Quitaverance: the unsung virtue

Quitting: the unacknowledged virtue

Giving up

Final Exit

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