"ASK DWIGHT HOW" 365/24/7

 

 

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USA text: 206-457-2817

COPYRIGHT 2018-2020 BY DWIGHT GOLDWINDE

Perfectionists and carefulists, take note:

Good enough is almost always good enough.

Most people confuse love with removing boundaries. Yes, love includes letting go of some of our standard boundaries with others so that we can enjoy special connections with our loved one. Nevertheless, especially if we want our love to endure, love requires the setting and maintaining of good boundaries with our loved one...so that the relationship remains a win-win for both sides.

Most often...

...the worst choice you can make is making no choice at all

...the biggest risk you are taking is trying to avoid all risk

...the most costly mistake you are making is trying to avoid making mistakes

...your largest shortcoming is trying to be perfect.

If you were able to completely understand another, putting yourself in their shoes and how they see the world, you would never feel anger or blame towards them.

It might be a good idea, however, to create and maintain some boundaries with that person. Good fences make good neighbors. Examples: Albert Einstein put some distance between himself and Adolf Hitler by moving to America. My friend feels better about her mother by not living with her. I can love a girlfriend more if I don't go on holiday with her.

Curiosity killed the cat...really?!

Yes, maybe a cat gets killed sometimes by "too much curiosity."

However, a cat would more likely die if it didn't have curiosity.

Many ideas about good and bad, right and wrong have not been carefully vetted to serve the people who are asked to follow these ideas.

Some will tell you that it is you who should serve morality, not the other way around.

This is like saying that the purpose of government is for people to serve the government. Most would agree it is the purpose of government to serve the people. The divine right of kings and governments is dead.

The most reliable way to live happily ever after is to master the art of living happily ever now.

Let me tell you the most fundamental, most central problem of humanity. To the extent that this problem were significantly solved (and implemented) for most of the people of the world, then every other problem that may still exist would be small by comparison:

How to be happy now? How to enjoy all the processes of whatever else we're going for? How to rejoice in the dance of the journey?

If we are enjoying the processes, if we are enjoying the dance of the journey, if we were having fun with our problems, then we would be more likely to solve or achieve everything else we're going for.

Yet I know of no other thinker who has identified this problem as such (please introduce me, if you have) and is working on this problem centrally. Yes, many great problems are being tackled:

Ending hunger.
Curing diseases.
Reversing global warming.
Space travel.
World peace.
Providing great commercial services.
And so on.

Yet, even after all this is achieved and more, it will not mean that people are really happy with their lives and the everyday dance of their lives. Almost all the great thinkers I have know about are still, often by default, putting results before process, putting achievement before the dance of the journey.

It's time to recognize the central importance of this problem above all others (in our lives as well as the lives of others).

Some people are neither good speakers nor good listeners.

Then there are those who are good speakers, but not good listeners.

Next, yet more rare, are those who are both good speakers and good listeners.

Finally, the rarest breed are those who are good speakers, good listeners, and are also good at listening to how others are listening to them when they are speaking.

The wisdom of knowing that you’re powerless…

My Chinese friend was torn apart because of her parent's bickering and bad-mouthing each other.

For years she has tried to support her parents in treating each other more civilly. With no effect.
She felt so upset about this.

I said to her,
Your parents will always fight.
You have no power to do anything about that. You are powerless.
It's not your business, anyway...it's their business.
They're like two dogs fighting, with each thinking the other dog is the "bad dog."
Enjoy watching the fight, like a soap opera.
Or, if you don't want to watch the soap opera, create and maintain some boundaries to take care of yourself.
Stay in your own business, not theirs.
And remember that you're powerless to change them.

She replied, "Oh, my God, you're right. It's so easy. It's not my business."