It’s often the only step needed for easy change: to be aware when you need to be aware…

If you just took five deep breaths whenever you were worried (hint: set a mobile alarm every three hours to check in on your worry level until you learn the habit and your subconscious does it for you)...

If you just remembered to stop and breathe when you're about to get angry with your spouse (hint: ask your spouse to wink at you if they notice you getting angry, just as a respectful reminder)...

If you just remembered to be aware of the new attitudes that you want to develop (hint: have these be a recurring part of your daily planning list that you glance over each morning, giving a gentle reminder to your subconscious)...

If you just remembered what you need to do right at the time that you need to act on that (hint: develop the systems and habits so that these reminders are generally out of awareness until just when you need to know them)...

Very often the best way to be selfish is is to be "unselfish."

I put "unselfish" in quotes because you are still being selfish by finding ways to be "unselfish" with a win-win between your selfishness and the selfishness of another.

Actually, this is the only world that works...when we can find ways for each person's selfishness (both long term and short term) and the selfishness of others (both long term and short term) to be complimentary.

If you sacrifice your selfishness for mine, that's not good. Nor is it good for me to sacrifice mine for yours.

Most horrors (and lives of quiet desperation) of the world have been built upon the idea of and the call for self-sacrifice.

“I just want to get the result.”


Many of my clients have expressed this to me countless times. How often have you wanted to "just get the results"?

But this desire is the desire to skip over life. The living of life is in the process.

"I just want a boyfriend/husband. I don't want to go through the dating game."

"I just want to have a job. I don't want to go through that applying and interview stuff."

"I just want to get that promotion. I don't want to do all the work to make it happen."

"I just want to have good health. I don't want to do everything necessary to make it so."

Why do we want to skip over the process?

Because we have prioritized results over enjoying the process. If we put process first, the results will come when they do...but we've already won because we're enjoying the process.

Do you conditionalize yourself out of many great opportunities?


"I can't get the job I love at the salary I want by just trying a few times."

"I can't find the man/woman I want who has x, y, and z from the ones I see on the website."

"I can't find my life direction because there's something wrong with everything I consider."

"I can't have a good relationship with my spouse/parents/children/lover/friend because they won't listen to me and they don't understand me."

If you put enough conditions on anything that you won't, you will "price yourself out of the market." Choose courage to consider lowering your standards. Life can be much juicier that way.

To create and maintain a great life, you only need to follow two fundamental instructions:

1) Find ways for your my-now (the you that just wants to be happy now) and your my-next (the you that wants you to be happy in your future) to both win at the same time.

2) Find ways for your my-me (the you that wants to take care of yourself) and your my-you (the you that wants to take care of others and look good to others) to both win at the same time.

Remember these two instructions whenever you have any problem...to find the best solutions both for now and the future, both for you and for others.

War: a condition where righteousness blinds all the participants into thinking that the potential benefits for their side are going to be more than the costs.

This applies also to the individual participants (for example, the soldiers) as well as the organizational groups (for example, the countries).

If you can create your life so that you're enjoying the process of whatever you do, no matter the results, any other issue or problem in your life will just occur as something else to enjoy the process of.

A consistent willingness to be silly (just with yourself) using the “Making Friends with Your Fear” process is your key a thousand doors.

Only when I-next has learned to consistently show respect to I-now and include and integrate I-now’s interests with I-next’s intentions and plans, will I-next fully become an adult.

Although I managed to learn and grow some in spite of my schooling years, my learning, growth, and development didn't clearly take off until after I quit college and got out into life when I was 22 years old. Looking back, I can see that most of the time I spent in school was clearly a waste.

COPYRIGHT 2018-2020 BY DWIGHT GOLDWINDE