Do you take on your fear one step at a time?

 

We all know the old joke: “How do you eat a whole elephant? Answer: one bite at a time.” Or do you know the aphorism:  “Inch by inch, life’s a cinch; yard by yard, life is hard”?

 

This simple idea becomes a profound idea when we apply it to the issue of acknowledging and facing our fears, especially our paper-tiger fears.

 

Almost any fear that seems too big can, with some thought and creativity, be broken down into “baby steps.”

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Baby steps toward approaching strangers in the park

 

Let’s take, as an example, the goal of wanting to approach a stranger in a park to start up a conversation.

 

For some of us, we might think and feel, “Oh, I could never do that. What would they think of me?” It might seem like too much fear to confront.

 

Let’s see how we might break down this goal and the fear into steps.

 

Building your courage muscle

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The nature of fear is such that, as you repeat the same action over and over, an action that initially stimulates a certain level of fear, the fear slowly dissipates. This is especially true if you breathe into the energy of the fear each time and you honor yourself each time for your courage, regardless of the outcome.

 

Step #1

 

During your walk in the park smile at enough people so that at least five people smile back at you. Continue with this process each day until you feel comfortable with it.

 

Step #2

 

Smile and say “Good morning,” in a casual, friendly way to enough people so that at least three people verbally greet you back. Continue with this process each day until you feel comfortable with it.

 

Step #3

 

Approach at least three people who are sitting or standing and smile at them, saying, “Good morning, would you happen to know when the park closes today?" Continue with this process each day

until you feel comfortable with it.

 

Step #4

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Approach at least three people who are sitting or standing and smile at them, saying, “Good morning, I was wondering if I might ask you something?” Pause for a response.

    

“Every day, I notice how much I enjoy strolling in this park, listening to the birds and observing all the interesting people. Today, I am curious about what other people might enjoy about this park. Would you be willing to share with me what you like about this park?”

 

There may be a higher likelihood of rejection with this step than with the previous steps. If the person doesn’t seem open to your approach, then back out as gracefully as possible. But honor yourself for your choice of courage to speak with him or her, regardless of his or her response. Remember, courage exists regardless of the outcome. Continue with this process each day until you feel comfortable with it.

 

Step #5

 

Repeat step #4, with the intention of keeping the dance of the conversation going, with the person who answers your initial question. Continue with this process each day until you’re comfortable with it.

 

Congratulations!

You’ve now “eaten the elephant,” one bite at a time.

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Focus on the principle, not the example

 

The above example is just a playful one. And, for some of us, it would not be much of an issue or we may have no interest in being friendly in this way, regardless of fear. But the principle of taking on your fear step by step is a powerful one that can be applied to any area or issue of your life that hold some importance  for you.

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So many opportunities to apply this approach!

 

Brainstorm with yourself on how you might break down your fears into steps, as they might apply to your life in these different areas or circumstances:

 

• making solicitation calls for your business

• asking a man or woman for a date

• speaking in front of groups

• saying “no” to your friends, spouse, parents, or boss

• asking for a raise

• changing careers

• quitting a job

• quitting school

• starting your own business

• making a choice about marriage

• making a choice about divorce

• setting clear boundaries with others

• doing something crazy

• fully expressing your love to another

• saying “no” to deadlines or long work hours

• not rescuing someone

• taking care of yourself and being selfish

• taking a stand about something important

• stepping outside your culture

    

Remember,

     “Inch by inch, life’s a cinch; yard by yard, life is hard.”

 

                                                                             

"Courage is more exhilarating than fear and in the long run it is easier. We do not have to become heroes over night. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up, seeing it is not as dreadful as it appeared, discovering we have the strength to stare it down."

–Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962, Former First Lady)