Turnabouts (15-15 way)
Share and share alike
The turnabout is a fairly general approach that can create peace, satisfaction, and results, meaning Now-Next Integrity, in many circumstances that would otherwise stayed mired in conflict. Without this approach, we can end up unhappy, either with Next “winning” and Now tolerating or with Now “winning,” but with Next upset and blaming Now.
How it works
One implementation of a turnabout would be an agreement between Next and Now where they alternate with each other “taking over the driving,” using 15-minute intervals, each having their own turn. Let’s say that Next is in charge first, Next is the one in the driver’s seat. He or she gets to do what they want to do for 15-minutes, for example, getting some accounting work done. During this interval, Now can still be accepting and okay because Now knows that he or she gets to do what they want to do at the end of Next’s turn. Set a timer so that you can easily know when the 15 minutes is up for Next and it becomes Now's turn.
It’s Now’s turn. Set the timer for another 15 minutes. Now's in the driver’s seat. Maybe Now has chosen to watch a movie or read a novel. It’s totally up to your Now. Next can be accepting and not blame Now because Next knows that Next gets to do again what he or she wants to do at the end of Now’s turn.
The Turnabout can be customized for the circumstance
The interval of 15 minutes is just one option. It could be 5-5, 7-7, 20-20, or 30-30. It could even be 15-30, with 30 minutes for Next and 15 minutes for Now or 30-15, the reverse. You may need to experiment to get the best interval agreement for a given circumstance. The important point is to REALLY listen to BOTH Next and Now to make sure that they EACH think they can be happy with the proposed turnabout agreement.
Consider it as an experiment the first time you try it
Maybe either your Now or your Next is uncertain about whether they'll be happy with a particular turnabout proposal. You could ask either or both of them, "How about we experiment with it a time or two and see what happens? Then we could decide from there." This could make either or both more agreeable to try the turnabout approach.
Heidi uses Turnabout as a major tool in creating and maintaining her Now-Next Integrity
My personal/business assistant and good friend Heidi Yang, for over eleven years now (as of May, 2021), has made good use of the turnabout way. Heidi-Now has been very happy with her guilt-free play time on the Internet. Heidi-Next has been gratified with all the things she’s been getting accomplished, like steady progress in her English studies.