World's Best Apologizer: Contest Announced

 

I'm Imp-Boy a-speakin, gather round if you please,
I'm announcing a contest to put all minds at ease.
I've noticed y’all apologizing for reality itself,
Yet your shaming of it is not top of the shelf.

 

That stewardess said “sorry” so perfectly right,
"I'm sorry for no luggage space on this flight."
I told her she’s brilliant, she’s moving, she’s grand,
She smiled and moved on — did she understand?

 

You’re sorry for lateness, for that fact that you were,
With that former reality you now don’t concur.
You’ll blame that past self and you’ll blame others too,
For you know the facts: reality’s gone askew.

 

We’ll need a great contest, find the best of the best,
A master of contrition, themselves they detest.
A bad-feeling-meter will ensure suffering’s real,
Let’s weed out those fakers, we want the real deals.

 

Yet let’s give equal standing, for a second applause,
For the most righteous blamer who’ll kill for their cause.
One prize for the one nearly dying of shame,
And one for the one for whom others they’ll blame.

 

No willy-nilly remorse, this is serious shit,
With the winners to guide for what we’ll finally permit.
Everyone will be trained, no matter their druthers,
To master the blaming of both self and the others.

 

I'm Imp-Boy a-speakin, gather round if you please,
I'm announcing a contest to put all minds at ease.
I've noticed y’all apologizing for reality itself,
Yet your shaming of it is not top of the shelf.

 

I love you all dearly and I'm new to this place,
Still learning your ways with a smile on my face.
So help me sort out this whole apology game,
Because somebody somewhere is surely to blame.