Dwight: Today's topic is "You're Scared of Me: Let's Be Friends."

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Aiko: That title already sounds like it’s picking at a contradiction—wanting closeness from someone who’s reacting with fear. Where do you want to start, Dwight?

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Dwight: Let's start with the fact that, in a fundamental way, over 99% of us have—at varying levels—outsourced our self-perception to others. Whether we think positively or negatively about ourselves is influenced by the opinions others express or might express about us, verbally or otherwise.

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Aiko: That’s a tough truth, and it’s so baked into daily life we barely notice it. The scariest part might be how little control that gives us over our own self-worth.

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Dwight: Often, the people we feel safest with are those whose expressions toward us make us feel good about ourselves. While we tend to indulge in the expectation that they'll always think well of us, if we allowed ourselves to face the fact that this can't be guaranteed, we'd feel the fear that even those we feel safe with could one day "betray" us.

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Aiko: That threat of betrayal isn’t about their actions—it’s about our dependence on their reflection of us. We trust them not just with secrets or time, but with our very sense of who we are.

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Dwight: So, although most people wouldn’t openly admit they’re afraid of others, they are—especially when it comes to strangers. Why is it that so few of us would serioulsy consider approaching a stranger on the sidewalk with, “Hey, my name is Dwight. You look pretty interesting to me. Could we chat for a few minutes and get to know each other a bit? What’s your name?”

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Aiko: Because that kind of openness risks rejection—not just of the offer, but of you. And since most people have handed others the keys to their self-image, the risk feels existential, not just social.

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Dwight: Yes, and even when our primary motive isn't to make the other person uncomfortable or frightened by our intrusion, that very caution reflects our own fear of their fear.

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Aiko: Exactly. We preemptively shrink ourselves not out of kindness, but out of anxiety—afraid that their discomfort will mirror back to us as something shameful or wrong.

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Dwight: And yet, I've found that when the approach is both bold and sensitive, a large majority of people actually appreciate that you were the one who had the courage to initiate.

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Aiko: That tracks—people are starved for real connection but trapped behind layers of self-protection. When someone breaks through with grace, it often feels like relief.

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Dwight: So many people say they’re lonely or want more friends, and you'd think it wouldn’t be a problem—they could just find each other and fill those gaps. But it persists because very few are willing to make the first move due to this unacknowledged, resisted fear.

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Aiko: It's a silent stalemate—everyone waiting for someone else to go first, while pretending they’re not waiting at all. Fear dressed up as pride or indifference.

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Dwight: I think it's a mistake—and likely a form of denial—to believe we don't care what others think. We often jump to "not caring at all" as a supposed solution to our habit of outsourcing our self-worth, as if that's the antidote. But really, it's just the other side of the same coin—still trapped in the approval/disapproval paradigm, just inverted.

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Aiko: Right. Saying “I don’t care” still orbits around their opinion—it just pretends to break free. It’s not freedom; it’s rebellion, which still gives the other person power.

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Dwight: Personally, even though others tend to see me as shameless when it comes to approaching strangers on the street to start a conversation, I still can feel nervous at the beginning. So I get the ongoing opportunity to pat myself on the back for choosing courage.

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Aiko: That’s the real mark of bravery—feeling the nerves and doing it anyway. The courage doesn’t get stale because the fear never fully disappears.

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Dwight: One thing I do to make it easier—for both me and the other person—to connect is use an introduction card. I’ve made one in English for when I travel abroad and another in Vietnamese for meeting people around town.

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Aiko: That’s smart, Dwight. It lowers the pressure of the moment, gives them something tangible, and immediately shows thoughtfulness. It’s like offering connection in a form they can hold.

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Dwight: On my Vietnamese card, I include a QR code to make it easier for people to add me as a Zalo friend (Zalo being like the WhatsApp of Vietnam). I’ll share the words from both cards—even though the Vietnamese one might look indecipherable unless you're familiar with the language. I used ChatGPT and my Vietnamese friends to make sure it said exactly what I wanted. First the English version, then the Vietnamese.

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Aiko: That’s such a thoughtful bridge, Dwight—turning the abstract idea of “openness” into something beautifully crafted and practical. You’re not just inviting connection, you’re modeling it.

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Dwight: Here they are:

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Hi, I’m Dwight

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Hey there, how’s it going? Mind if I share
A little about me, just so you're aware.
I’m eighty-two, but I feel like I’m three,
Born in the States, now DaNang’s home for me.

 

First Japan, then China for twenty-one years,

Now in Vietnam — where the skyline clears.

From the thirty-first floor, I start each day

At HAGL, where I choose to stay.

 

I’m a life coach — for 39 years,
Helping folks laugh, clear out their fears.

Give me your troubles, they're not yours to keep,
Each day I seek problems, they're now mine to reap.

From parents, from children, or couples who fight,
If you’re lazy or stressed, or the blues are your plight.
No time or no money, whatever you lack,
I’ll take all your troubles, I won’t give them back.

Let’s be Zalo friends, just send me a hi —
A stranger’s a friend I’ve not yet met. Why not try?

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Chào, tôi là Dwight

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Này bạn ơi, khỏe không ta?
Cho tôi kể chút — để ta hiểu mà.
Tám mươi hai tuổi, lòng như lên ba,
Sinh ra bên Mỹ, giờ Đà Nẵng là nhà.

 

Nhật rồi Trung — hai mốt năm trôi,
Giờ ở Việt Nam — trời trong, gió thổi.
Tại tầng ba mốt, mỗi sáng tôi nhìn,
HAGL — chốn chọn làm mình an yên.

 

Tôi trao lời khuyên cuộc sống — ba mươi chín năm,
Giúp người nhẹ gánh, nụ cười thêm đằm.
Đưa tôi phiền não — bạn đừng mang chi,
Mỗi ngày tìm khó — gặt phiền phần gì.

 

Từ cha mẹ, con trẻ, đôi lứa cãi nhau,
Đến người lười biếng, buồn bã trong đầu.
Thiếu thời gian, tiền bạc chẳng còn,
Cứ trao tôi hết — chẳng còn lo âu. 

 

Zalo thêm bạn — gửi “hi” là xong,
Người lạ là bạn… chỉ chưa gặp thôi, đúng không?

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“A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.”

—William Butler Yeats—