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"You're a double-decker hypocrite!" (I'm saying that to you with respect and love)

A hypocrite is a person who engages in the same behaviors he or she criticizes or condemns in others.

A double-decker hypocrite is someone whose critical behavior is in itself and in real time an expression of the type of behavior they are criticizing another for.

Consider this example.

Suppose a parent rebukes their child for indulging in junk food and for that child failing to consider long-term health implications, even though they themselves maintain a flawless record of healthy eating. The act of criticism itself here exhibits a lack of long-term thinking on the part of the parent due to not adequately considering all the downstream costs of relying on criticism to try to effect changes.

The reproachful behavior is the failure to think or act with a long-term perspective. Resorting to criticism as a means to alter behavior, especially in children, is a short-term action rife with potential immediate and long-lasting repercussions.

But even if you don't explicitly resort to criticism and disapproval to modify others' actions, you might still unknowingly be a double-decker hypocrite. Read on.

Masochistic, double-decker hypocrite

Masochism is a psychological pattern in which a person finds pleasure or satisfaction in their own pain or degradation.

In the daily tussles and disputes between our present self (Now) and our future self (Next), and also between our individual self (Oneself) and the rest of humanity (Others), our Next and Others frequently resort to criticism or threat of disapproval against our Now and Oneself when either Now or Oneself exercises their power to disrupt the ambitions and plans of our Next and our Others.

These instances are more commonly observed in the clashes between our Now and Next than between our Oneself and Others.

For instance, your Next desires to shed some pounds and abstains from that extra slice of pizza. But your Now intervenes later with an impulsive, "I'll do what I want," and proceeds to gobble down the pizza, disregarding your Next's objections. Post this indulgence, however, your Next retaliates, blaming Now with "Why can't you control yourself?! You'll never regain your physique at this pace!"

Your Next is responsible for your well-being in the long run. Its duty is to make decisions that secure a good future and to think long-term. This isn't Now's forte. Therefore, in this scenario, even though your Next's intentions are good, it is acting short-sightedly by attempting to persuade your Now with criticism and disapproval. This only fuels the strife between the Now and Next. Any immediate gains are vastly outweighed by the larger, long-term drawbacks.

The Next is displaying hypocrisy. It's duty to anticipate situations such as, "When the moment comes that my Now might crave something that's not in line with my plan (like an extra slice of pizza), what measures can we put in place now to ensure that my Now is more likely to comply willingly with my Next's plan?"

But by neglecting to do this when formulating the intention, devising the plan, or making the promise, your Next inadvertently sets itself up for disappointment and resentment when your Now refuses to execute your Next's plans later. Your Next overlooks long-term planning by not arranging for your Now to enjoy the process. Furthermore, your Next again disregards long-term consequences by reacting negatively when your Now refuses to cooperate at the moment of action. Your Next has just been crowned "Hypocrite, par excellence!"

Is your Others also a double-decker hypocrite?

The role of your Others is to look out for others and maintain a positive image, whereas your Oneself is devoted to personal care and authentic self-expression. However, when Oneself interferes with the desires of Others, conflicts may arise.

Consider this scenario: a friend requests to borrow money. Your Others is inclined to assist your friend and also wants to avoid any potential upset. But your Oneself feels it's necessary to keep that money for needs that may arise and to avoid the risk of non-repayment. In this case, Oneself has the power to override Others and decline your friend's request. Consequently, your friend may become upset.

At this point, your Others criticizes Oneself, instilling guilt with thoughts like, "How can we be so selfish and inconsiderate!"

But how does this make Others hypocritical in his or her relationship with Oneself?

When Others was contemplating your friend's request, he or she failed to consider your Oneself's priorities, not posing questions like, "Given that my primary responsibility is to take care of myself, how can I respect Oneself's wishes while simultaneously considering my friend's needs?" And then, even if the decision remains to refuse your friend's request, Others shouldn't blame Oneself. Instead, he or she should acknowledge Oneself's courage for choosing to say "no".

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