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Listening (mostly for men)

"Listen up, men!"

Maybe you didn't really get it from watching Mel Gibson's "What Women Want," but the cornerstone to making your woman (and others) feel love, safe, and respected is by how well you listen to them.

Not agreeing or obeying

Special note: a master listener has the skill to have someone feel fully listened to even though they may not be agreeing with or obeying that person. The act of listening well does not necessarily include either agreeing with or obeying the person being listened to.

Listening well is not the same as keeping your mouth shut

A good listener may often make use of reflective listening, as in "Am I understanding correctly? You're saying you felt I was insensitive to what you wanted when I didn't buy the milk you asked me to pick up on the way home?" 


Guidelines for a good listener

A good listener will generate intent and curiosity toward deeply understanding the thoughts and feelings of the other person. Additionally, they will intend that the other person feels listened to, even checking with the them to confirm that they have been successful in that.

A good listener will prioritize listening to another before that other person (may) listen to them.

A good listener, as they are listening, will let go of any intent to fix, advise, or coach the other person or to explain or justify their own behavior.

A good listener will create a non-judgmental attitude of acceptance and appreciation that allows the other person to feel safe in sharing fully and openly.

A good listener will be clear about the boundaries they need to maintain in order to take care of themselves in their role as a listener for the other person.

A good listener will be able to remain non-defensive in the face of any attacks or judgmentalness expressed toward them by the person they are listening to. They will somehow "know" that, even though their behavior might have contributed to stimulating those attacks or judgmentalness, it means nothing negative about them. 

The power and importance of a man being a good listener for his woman

Although, as men, the power and importance of being a good listener applies to all our relationships, its importance is paramount above any other ability that we men may have to support having the best possible relationship with the (potential) woman in our life.

The three essentials for a woman to be loved by a man is that he be able to help her feel safe, cherished, and adored.

More than any other thing a man can neglect, not listening to his woman will make her feel unsafe, not cherished, and not adored.

More than any other thing a man can do, if his women feels listened to, then she will feel safe, cherished, and adored.

"Women are self-correcting machines. All you have to do is listen to them."

-leader of a men's group

See also Listening and Listening to listening.

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