Yes, I have wisdom…
Yes, I have power…
...and within the wisdom and power, I am vastly aware of my ignorance and my powerlessness.
A hypocrite is someone who pretends to have higher moral standards than they actually do.
A reverse hypocrite is someone who holds themselves to a higher moral standard than they hold others.
Few of us would want others to sacrifice their happiness for us. But so many of us are willing to sacrifice our own happiness for others (in the name of "being good").
The premises and conclusions of many scientists and philosophers say that we humans have no free choice.
Most of us everyday people, however, assume that we and others have free choice (at least in some life areas).
It seems to me, though, that if we believed that neither ourselves or others had free choice, then we would have more compassion both for ourselves and others.
Not uncommonly one of my friends or clients is being paranoid about some bad thing they think will happen. I've figured out a way to have fun and probably make some money out of this.
Once I get clear about their exact fear, I propose a bet: if it happens within a specified time frame, then I will pay them (say 500rmb or $75); it it doesn't happen within that time frame, they will pay me that amount.
An expression says, "Put your money where your mouth is." This is a variation on that expression, "Put your money where your fear is."
This new idea is so much fun for me and maybe it will help others to question their painful and inaccurate thoughts (after they lose some money).
A wechat friend sent a message asking me to read and give her feedback on an English paper she had written.
I responded with, "I'd really like to help you. But, in general, I don't enjoy doing this sort of thing. It's very important to me to enjoy whatever I choose to do. I hope you understand."
She responded with, "Why don't I pay for your splurge meal that you have every Saturday and we could talk about my paper while we're eating together?"
I was so impressed with her counteroffer, which satisfied my concern. I can certainly enjoy eating lunch with her and giving her verbal feedback on her paper. When I told her how impressed I was, she replied, "I learned to do this in your class."
If you have to do something (like prepare your taxes, wash the dishes, or take out the trash),
then your second priority is to do that thing
and your first priority is to make sure you enjoy the process of doing whatever it is.
I made a Kindle purchase on Amazon.com. They made a mistake and overcharged me by $3.25.
I could have argued that the smart thing to do was just forget about it. Maybe I could have done that, but it seemed that I would still feel like the victim.
But I also saw myself as a victim if I spent my valuable time calling them to get the charge reversed (I didn’t know how to do that with their website). I was suffering. Recognizing how I was “being the victim," I came up with a new approach where I wouldn’t see myself this way:
I called customer service. I was able to get the charge reversed, no problem. At the end of the call, the service representative asked me (as they always do), “Is there anything else I can do for you?” I replied, “Yes, there is. I don’t know if you can do anything about it. But let me explain.
I value my time at a bare minimum of $50 an hour. All together, I will have spent about 15 minutes getting this refund handled. That means I have spent over $12.50 of my time to get a $3.25 refund. Somehow that doesn’t seem fair to me. What do you think?” Just saying this to her, in a non-blaming way, made me feel okay about the whole situation…even if she was unable to do anything about it.
But then I got a very nice surprise. She put me on hold for a minute so she could talk with her supervisor. She returned to inform me that they were issuing a $17.22 credit to my account for my troubles. She then also showed me how, in the future, I could easily reverse an invalid charge using their website.
Miracles can happen when you step outside of being a victim.
The best of all worlds is a world in which your selfishness and my selfishness are complementary, a world in which you don't sacrifice for me and I don't sacrifice for you, considering both short-term and long-term.
You cannot guarantee this world for others, it's up to them to make selfish choices, to take care of themselves, both short-term and long-term.
You can, however, guarantee this for yourself, doing your best to create win-win arrangements and being willing to say "no" and set boundaries when it does not work for you.
And, through this, you will likely inspire others to do the same, creating a world of mutual contribution and added value.
As a life coach, people think I give others advice. I don't. I am not wise enough to do that. Actually, nobody is.
Giving advice implies that you know how someone else should live their life. I don't know how anyone else should live their life.
What I do is to ask some questions and make some suggestions if someone asks me how they can change something in their life or how they can get some result they want in their life. They tell me the change or result they want. And, with their permission, I show them how they can make that change quickly and easily.
Giving someone advice without permission is saying that you know how someone should live their life better than they do. You are getting into their business, instead of staying in your own.
What becomes less affordable as you get richer?
Ironically, there is at least one thing that becomes less affordable as your get richer:
Spending the time to discover or dispute questionable (smaller) charges to your various accounts.