Are you surviving?

Dufear or resisted fear

Does life seem hard or unfair? Do you feel pressure? Do you worry? Do you feel overwhelmed? Are you stressed? Do you feel guilt or regret?

Are you trying to prove something: that you're good enough? smart enough? lovable? capable? responsible? loyal?

All of these are expressions of resisted fear.

The design of fear

Nature endowed animals with the capacity to feel fear, first to alert the animal of a possible threat to survival and then to provide extra energy to respond to that threat.

Sabotaging the proper design of fear

We humans, however, in our ability to fight against ourselves, expressed both in Now-Next Conflicts and in Oneself-Others Conflicts, and out of our dominating desire to look good and belong, have sabotaged both of these essential functions of fear.

Making the threats fuzzy

However, when our dufear expresses itself, whether in worry, anxiety, pressure, overwhelm, stress, guilt or trying to prove something, it diminishes our ability to accurately assess the nature of whatever is occurring as a threat. We will more easily confuse paper-tiger threats for real threats and vice versa. Moreover, our capacity to effectively address any real threats will suffer.

Taking on threats while fighting a civil war

Animals (other than human ones) are more resourceful and have more energy when they're frightened. They fight or flee effectively, whether the fear is stimulated by a paper-tiger threat (as seen from our human eyes) or by a real threat.

We humans, more often, are less resourceful and have less energy when we are frightened since a significant portion of our energy is used to resist and deny that fear.

The third great cost of resisting fear

The message of fear, as designed by nature, is "survival is currently threatened." Animals, when they receive this message, are instantly resourceful and energized. In most cases, ten seconds later they are completely relaxed, the energy of the fear having been expressed and dissipated. Consequently, a very small portion of an animal's life is in survival mode.

Most of us humans, however, are in a constant state of fear, although we may not be explicitly aware of that or identify it as such. It takes the form of pressure, worry, anxiety, overwhelm, stress, guilt, or trying to prove something. The maxim, "what you resist persists," is apropos here.

Consequently, although we cannot provide a cogent argument for it, we believe (because of the way our resistance to fear makes us feel) that our life is all about survival.

Making friends with your fear

You need to allow fear to serve the valid functions it was designed to serve by breaking your habit of resisting it.

Use these tools to that end.

"After you have enough to eat, everything else is a game."

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