Do you listen to create intimacy and connection in your relationships?

 

Think about your romantic partner or any close relationship. Do you feel truly heard? Does your partner feel deeply listened to by you?

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A small investment, a big payoff

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This isn’t just about romantic relationships—this practice can transform any relationship. With just five to ten minutes a day, you and your partner can build a powerful habit of truly listening to each other, cultivating deeper understanding and intimacy.

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How it works

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Here’s how to get started: First, commit to setting aside five to ten minutes of private, uninterrupted time each day.

 

You’ll alternate days. On one day, it’s “your partner’s day.” The next, it’s “your day,” and so on.

On your partner’s day, two things happen. Imagine you’ve scheduled ten minutes. During those ten minutes, your partner will open up about something they’ve found difficult to share in the past. Your sole job is to listen—completely. But what does "completely" mean? It’s not about how you define it; it’s about how your partner feels. You need to listen in a way that makes your partner feel fully heard.

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How do you know it's working?

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How will you know if you’re doing this right? Your partner will tell you. They will coach you, giving feedback on how you can improve. You’ll accept this feedback with openness, free of resistance. Meanwhile, your partner will guide you with kindness and patience, helping you refine your listening.

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Not just on "special occasions," but all the time

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Throughout the day, your partner will remain aware of how well you listen to them, and at the day’s end, they’ll rate your listening from 0 to 10. A score of 0 means you didn’t listen at all, while a 10 means you truly excelled. If you score less than 8 or 9, it’s a chance to seek advice on how to improve.

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Turnabout

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When it’s your day, the roles switch. Your partner becomes the listener, and you get the chance to be heard. But that doesn’t mean you stop listening! True listening isn’t about agreeing with everything—it’s about understanding and valuing what the other person is expressing, even if you don’t see eye to eye.

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It take courage

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This approach can improve communication and strengthen bonds between any two people, not just romantic partners. So, who will you invite to join you in this “Listening for Intimacy” journey? Imagine how your relationships could evolve if you consistently made space for deep, meaningful listening.

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Remember, listening well often takes courage. It’s a brave choice to be fully present and vulnerable. So, breathe deeply, face your fears, and honor yourself for embracing this courageous act of connection.

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See also...

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Listening to listening

Listening

Are you hard of listening?

Listening (mostly for men)

Listen twice, speak once

Gift of listening to others powerlessly

Listening without agreeing or obeying

Listening cf. obeying (video)

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"The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention."

—Richard Moss, MD (poet, writer)

 

"Were we as eloquent as angels we still would please people much more by listening rather than talking."

—Charles Caleb Colton (1780-1832, British sportsman, writer)

 

"Are you really listening ... or are you just waiting for your turn to talk?"

—Robert Montgomery (1807-1855,  American author)