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How to change others

  • You want your country's president to rescind his executive order.

  • You want Facebook to change their censorship policy.

  • You want your child's school to change what foods they make available to the students.

  • You want your friend to agree with your political assessment.

  • You want your boss to give you a raise.

  • You want your sister to accept your fair decision regarding the inheritance.

  • You want your neighbor to keep the noise they make to a reasonable level.

  • You want your spouse to do their fair share in taking care of the children.

  • You want your spouse to agree to your idea of how to raise the kids.

  • You want your spouse to take equal responsibility with the finances.

  • You want your children to accept  and obey the rules and guidelines that you have set up.

  • You want your mother to stop trying to control your life.

  • You want your brother to stop blaming you.

  • You want your husband to make you feel safe and cherished.

  • You want your wife to respect and admire you.

  • You want your colleague to return your hand shake.

  • You want to pick up your baby and place her in the crib.

The above examples range from those where you have virtually no power to effect a change (the first example) to the last example, where you have complete power to get what you want.

The first most important approach to increasing your power and ability to change others is

  • to recognize and accept both your limitations in whatever power you may have,

  • along with eliminating your counterproductive approaches to trying to change others.

Consider your degree of influence you might have in getting the president of your country to rescind an executive order. Short of being his trusted adviser, your influence is, for all practical purposes, nil. In contrast, you have complete power to "change" you baby from being on the floor to being in their crib by using your physical power to pick up your baby.




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