The path to power and peace
A slippery distinction for many
Being 100% responsible is a problematic distinction for many to grasp and implement, perhaps because it can occur as incompatible with many cultural truisms that we live inside of (like "fairness" and "equality").
Yet the understanding and implementation of this distinction is fundamental to creating and maintaining a life that we can love.
It can be defined more easily by what it is not.
If you're blaming another...
If you're blaming another, if you're defensive with another, if you're resigned about or tolerating your relationship with another, if you're not making requests, not saying "no," or not setting and maintaining boundaries in order to take care of yourself and have the best possible relationship with another, then you're not being 100% responsible in your relationship with others.
If you're blaming yourself...
If you're blaming yourself in your relationship with another or others, if you're blaming yourself (or regretting what you did before), if your Next is blaming your Now for what she or he did or didn't do or for what she or he is reluctant or unwilling to do, if you're guilting or criticizing yourself for any reason, then you're not being 100% responsible in your relationship with yourself.
If you're not accepting the costs and risks...
If you're not fully accepting that every one of your choices (whether made proactively or by default) includes risks, costs, benefits, and possibilities, both short-range and long-range, both for yourself and others, then you're not being 100% responsible for your life.
Positively defined, there are some ways to point at 100% responsibility by quoting certain ideas:
"As a teacher, there are no students who can't learn, there are only teachers who don't teach."
"As a student, there are no teachers who can't teach, there are only students who don't learn."
"The meaning of our communication is the response that we get." (NLP maxim)
"There are no people who hurt our feelings, there only our interpretations and expectations that hurt our feelings."
"There are no unhappy childhoods (from the view of the adult who looks back on his or her childhood), there are only childhoods that we haven't re-interpreted in an interesting and empowering way."
"There are no failures, there are only intentions that weren't (fully) satisfied."
"There are no gofts, there are only gifts that haven't been discovered or created yet."
There is no right or wrong about 100% responsibility...it's just a powerful opportunity.
There is nothing wrong with not being 100% responsible. It just means there are some fundamental powers and possibilities that we haven't tapped into yet.