top of page

Common Oneself-Others conflicts

Your Others (Service and Emage) wants:

To say "yes" to your cousin to help her out and to avoid her upset or blame.

To avoid possibly burdening your friends or risking a "no" if you ask them to help you.

To live with your mother and take care of her because you know it's expected by her and by others.

To keep quiet so you don't risk upsetting him or her getting defensive about your attitude.

To tolerate and pretend to be interested so that you'll be liked and accepted by the group. You want to feel like you belong.

To keep to yourself so you don't risk appearing strange or insensitive or making her feel otherwise uncomfortable.

To just accept that welcoming them into your home whenever they pop over is just something you need to do to be considered neighborly.

To be concerned about what he feels and he wants and for him to appreciate, admire, and respect you.

To pay attention to and accommodate to what your child wants and needs and to how they see you and how they see themselves and see the world. To feel loved and respected by your child.

You want to stay with your husband because he needs you and you would feel guilty if you abandoned him.

It's important to meet others' expectations of you and to be accepted as a contributing member of society.

Your country needs you to join the army and to be prepared to fight for fellow comrades and the rest of your country.

You think that somehow there must be something you should do so that others don't blame you or think that you needed controlling.

You want to be sensitive to what others want and need and to accommodate that as much as possible.

Your Oneself (Selfish and Express) wants:              

To say "no" to your cousin who asked you to lend her a thousand dollars.

To ask your friends to help you move.

To find a way to take care of your ailing mother without living with her.

To share with your good friend more openly about the resentment you've been feeling recently when they change the appointment times with you.

To speak up or excuse yourself when others go on and on talking about things you're not interested in.

To see if you can strike up a conversation with that attractive woman standing next to you in line at the bank.

To set and maintain a boundary with your neighbor that you will no longer welcome them into your home unless they call you and ask you first.

To tell him openly and bluntly what you want and expect him to do and for him to be happy to do that for you.

To be able to control or dominate your child in doing what you want them to do and what you think they should do.

You want to leave your husband.

You wish you could live free of all the expectations that the people around you and society have of you.

You value your life and the freedom to do with it as you please.

You wish you could feel free of your defensiveness when others blame you or try to control you.

You just want to do what you want to do and not do and you want others to go along.

To create Oneself-Others integrity,

go to OOI-toolkit.

bottom of page