Victim

 

We sometimes use the word "victim" to legitimately designate a person in relation to another person or group of people without assuming the context of the HOGAB.

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That is rare. It is more common to use the word victim, in our thoughts or speech, to indicate someone, often ourselves, in a laudative way, because we are the "good guy," in relation to another who is at fault and who is the bad guy. 

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Whenever I use the word "victim" I am referring to the process of viewing ourselves or another as being a good person who has been or is being taken advantage of by another, who is the bad person. It is a viewpoint that is judgmental, not simply one of assessment. To see yourself or another as a victim includes a blaming or defensive attitude toward one person or a group of people. It also includes viewing the victim as someone who does not deserve what was or is being "done to them."

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It also includes the phenomena of one part of ourselves blaming another part. This frequently takes the form of our Next blaming our Now ("You shouldn't be so lazy") and our Others blaming our Oneself ("A good husband would be more patient with his wife.")

 

If you are viewing yourself as a victim, you will be giving away some of your power by the fact that you're doing this. And when you see others as victims you may not be doing them any favors.

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See Undoing shoulds: Victimhood and Victimhood: everybody does it.

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